Thursday, September 10, 2009

Thank you

I just want to thank those of you who have left comments here. I have received so many nice comments, and they really lift my spirits. I am particularly gratified by the comments from people who say that my faith has helped them build their faith. What better gift?

A lot of people continue to comment on how strong I am. Well, I want to tell you, I am not. I mean, what choice is there but to keep getting up and going on, day by day by day? There is no choice. I had to go to work today, and I can't tell you how much I didn't want to go, but life goes on. There are bills to pay and groceries to buy, kids who need stuff (all kinds of stuff), and so I get up and go to work. Today was a bad day, though, and I sat at my desk feeling like I wanted to do nothing so much as to melt into a puddle.

Today, this morning, I think I came to grips with the fact that I need to be prepared for anything, including for my hopes and wishes not to come true. I know that they are looking into other possibilities. I know that a bone fragment was found on Garrido's property, and that it was a human bone fragment, and right now they are probably extracting DNA to compare to Michaela's. I know other things are going on also, and some of them could lead to Michaela, alive and well, and some could lead to Michaela not alive at all, and some could lead to absolutely nothing and I would be back where I started.

So this morning I picked myself up from the ashes, as my pastor had told me, and I began to praise God. I praised him because this I know: if Michaela is found, whichever answer I am given, she will be found alive. Either she will be alive here in this world and will come home to me, or she will be alive with God in the next world, and one day I will go home to her. I will just have to miss her for awhile longer, because there are other children here who need me still.

But it doesn't feel good to think those thoughts. And I am not feeling strong at all.

It is a fact that I am not a crybaby. This is just simply because crying does not release my feelings for me -- it doesn't make anything better, and doesn't make anything feel better. I'm more likely to cry when I'm angry than when I'm sad. Instead, I carry my sadness like a sack of cement that has been poured into my limbs. I carry it as a huge soggy lump in the middle of my chest, creeping up into my throat. Tears pool in my eyes, sometimes there will be moments when I can't talk. I just feel as though I am filled with sorrow, wrapped in it.

That's how I felt today. And those nice comments I received did help.

One comment brought me back around, made me remember my task. It was an interpretation of Michaela's poem, and said:

It seemed like the poem itself was about the fight to keep hope / faith alive in that type of situation.
Part of keeping hope for the person behind bars, seems to be a connection to the love of the ones on the outside who are advocating for them by "knowing" and "saying" and having "confidence" and having "dreams" on their behalf.
I note that you continue to do all of those things on behalf of your precious daughter.
I hope with you.


I know that I have to continue. I have to get up each morning and do what I can. And I have to continue to have hope. I have to continue to remember that the evidence leads more towards the notion of her still being alive than not. I have to continue to believe in Michaela. I have to continue to hold her tenderly in my heart. I continue to love her.

25 comments:

  1. Well, you are in my prayers. I can only hope that whatever answers that you are given will give you peace either way after this long and arduous 21 years of searching and waiting and wondering. Until then we can hope and pray for the best, and prepare for the worst.
    Love you lots,

    Lisa

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  2. Sharon, I'm not sure if I've posted here or not. I know I've started to - more than once. However, I just can not find the words. I don't know what to say to someone who's been through what you've been through.

    I do hope and pray, though, for you. That one day - soon - you will find your answers, find peace and find Michaela, whether it means seeing her again in this lifetime or the next. You deserve those answers and you deserve that peace now.

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  3. (hug)

    I am at a loss for words. This is such an overwhelmingly powerful subject.

    If you have the courage to believe, I have the courage to believe with you.

    I just read your blog to someone from my church.

    My first prayer is that an army of intercessors joins you in this battle.

    Grace and Peace to you!

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  4. I was thinking yesterday the same thing about Michaela's poem, only the other person said it so much better than I could.

    It is not our job to predict the future. More important is to have faith, confidence and vision. Her poem offers reassurance that prayers and healing visions are themselves a living reality to those that need them most. These dreams are real; they sustain and nurture.

    Michaela’s words have reinforced my belief in the invisible power and reality of spirit. She has lifted me up.

    I believe she may be also asking us to send these visions to not just one, but to all.

    Just as more were fed the more the fish were broken, spirit grows rather than diminish the more it is shared.

    Let there be healing love.

    Let there be freedom from bondage.

    Blessings to you, Sharon.

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  5. I find myself coming here a lot to pray for you these days. Though some days I don't know if I am here for your sake or mine.

    Stranger abduction cases rip at my soul, and prayer and praise are the only things I have to fight back with.

    Not that prayer and praise are small things. On the contrary, they are mighty weapons!

    The powers of darkness shall not prevail. They shall not prevail. THIS MUCH I KNOW!

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  6. Sharon,

    The thing I admire most about your posrs is that you are transparent and real.

    I have always suspected that if Christians were more transparent, even about our struggles, we would impact the world in ways we can't even begin to imagine.

    Your being transparent has encouraged me just as much as your faith has.

    In my eyes, you are a mighty warrior. I imagine there are times when if someone says something like that to you feel like Gideon being told he was a mighty warrior, while he was in the middle of timidly hiding.

    Still God said that Gideon was a mighty warrior and I see the same victorious spirit all over you.

    God bless you!

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  7. Sharon, just heard that Hayward investigators are searching the property. However the search may go, whatever you might discover, remember that the bond between a mother and child is something that can never be broken, in this life or the next. Hold onto your hope. Hold onto the knowledge that whatever the outcome, Michaela will be with you, and has been, in her heart, in her spirit, along this long road. I pray that no matter the outcome, you find peace in knowing that you will eventually be reunited with your daughter. Hold onto your faith. Know that people throughout the state, country, the world, wait with you.

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  8. My thoughts and prayers are with you, hoping for a miracle such as Jaycee's family just experienced.

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  9. I want you to know that my best friend and I have always wondered how God could allow all the evil and suffering of children that goes on and when I read your "Journey through Sorrow" explanation about Satan being a lion and God having to allow it until his time is up finally made it all seem clear. This has lifted a burden from my heart. Thank you so much for that and when I read that Michaela was smiling down from the TV screen during the birth of your child... Well that was no accident. I think she is still alive. I think you will find her soon. Good Luck and a prayer that Phillip Garrido talks. He has to know. It had to be him.

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  10. HI Sharon- I just saw you on Good Morning America- and wanted you to know how powerful you were. I truly hope and pray that Michaela is alive and well and will be reunited with you just as Jaycee was with her mother . That the memory from her childhood of her loved mother will be given the opportunity to know the strength of a mother's love through all these separated years. And should fate not allow that to happen, then know that you have always been enclosed in the love of your beautiful daughter and her protection from afar. I did not know about this kidnapping until seeing it today on GMA. I am in Canada- and I am praying for you- Stay strong dear lady- Stay strong.... GrammaRoma

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  11. Your story has touched my heart. No matter what you end up finding out about your daughter, she was very lucky to have such a doting mother. Your devotion to her is so powerful. I hope you get some closure, in some form, soon!

    god bless to you and your daughter!

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  12. Dear Sharon,

    I saw you on GMA today, your story and the strength you displayed while telling it were inspiring. I read some of the things you have written here, and although you may not feel strong, I am here to tell you otherwise. In weakness we are made strong, and you are a testament to the strength of the human spirit. That you have been able to continue living in this world after suffering such an incomprehensible loss is amazing to me, and I can only reason that you possess the kind of strength that I can only dream about. My daughter is 9, she is my only child, a gift from God and her birth parents. From day one my greatest fear is that she would somehow be taken from me. Sometimes I feel my fear is irrational, but then read a story like yours and Michaela's, and know that one can never protect their child from everything. When you spoke of Michaela wanting to go to the store with her friend, and that you initially said no, I saw myself. My heart broke for you, for your loss, for your suffering that I am sure will not end until you have an answer. To not know where Michaela has been or what has happened to her in the past 22 years must be the absolute worst pain a human being can suffer. I wept the whole time I was listening to your interview and long after as well, and prayed several times that Michaela will be safely returned to your loving arms. I pray too, no matter what the outcome, that somehow the good Lord will grant you peace, and release you from this suffering. I wish that I had words that could comfort you, that somehow I could do something, anything, that would help you in even a small way. I will continue to pray for you and Michaela, and pray that God will keep you in his care and comfort you.

    Peace and Prayers,
    Nadja

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  13. I don't have kids, I'm a little too young. However, just reading your website gives me some small insight into your life. And while I cannot imagine what you must have gone through, I know that you are a very strong person. I hope that you can continue to be stronger than superman and, while in the past few years I have fallen out of faith, I will pray for you. Know that, even though I don't know you, I think you are the bravest person.

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  14. Hi Sharon,

    I have written you before on Myspace, and finally got a chance to read your blog. Living in Houston, I am happy to report that Michaela's face in on our local news atleast once a day. We are praying that the missing link is found!!

    MucH Love,

    Robert

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  15. Hi,
    My name is Vincent, and I have a 5 year old daughter whom I love more than anything I have ever loved before. I have read your story, and the story of Michaela. I felt an urge to leave this comment, just to let you know that I feel your pain, and I am so sorry that Michaela and you and your whole family had to go through such an ordeal. I have told my daughter about Michaela, even though it seems that telling a 5 year old girl about the harsh realities of this world may not be the thing to do. But she listened with great interest, and I can tell you that even though she never met her, she loves Michaela very much. We pray that you will find Michaela. Meanwhile, she is in our hearts, and she is very special to us. Courage!!
    Love, Vincent.

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  16. I just became interested in Michaela's disappearance this past January after watching her case on Unsolved Mysteries on youtube. Her story prompted me to read the book about Timothy Bindner and his possible connection to her kidnapping. Now there is this Garrido development...this is a very sad case and I pray often that it will be resolved.

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  17. Dear Sharon,

    I was a young mother of two daughters ages 2 and 4 the day Michaela was kidnapped. I remember that day vividly because as a mother, it absolutely terrified me. I lived in Fremont at the time, my husband was a Fremont Police Officer. For all of these years that Michaela has been missing, I have thought often of you and her. Many, many have prayed for her safe return to you. It would be so impossibly hard to bear the not knowing. I can only imagine the utter devastation you have lived in losing your daughter. The discovery of Jaycee has brought so much hope, Sharon. Our prayers continue until your daughter is found and brought home to you. God bless you, Michaela, and the rest of your family and loved ones.

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  18. I read your article "my journey through sorrow" on your webpage and it brought me to tears. It brought me to tears for you, for the pain you must suffer every day, it brought mr to tears because of your faith in God, and how he kept you. it also brought me to tears because I could see my faith in God slipping this past week, and I would find myslef angry at him and say "where are you God?".
    You have encouraged me to look to Him, and know that He is right beside us in our sorrow, our anger and frustrations.
    Thank-you. I will continue to pray for Michaela to be found....God Bless you!
    "be still and know that I am God"

    A mother of two, Canada.

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  19. I don't have anything very eloquent to say but I really just wish I could give you a hug and any small bit of comfort I could. No matter what, you ARE a strong person. Just the fact that you get out of bed every morning is a miracle, and you and Michaela have touched and affected more lives than you will ever know. I hope and wish for the best for you and yours.

    Kate Elliott

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  20. Dear Sharon,

    I have been completely fixed on the Jaycee case since she was found. I also live in El Dorado County where she was taken. I remember watching the coverage about Michaela's dissappearance as well through the years. I have 3 sons, my oldest is the same age as Michaela and Jaycee so these sweet children being missing as always tugged at my heart as a mother. I once had a missing child for 2 1/2 hours back in 1991. My oldest son was watching his younger brothers while I ran to the store while the baby was taking a nap. My middle one-Ryan who was 5, took off. He was not anywhere. My husband came home from work. I never forgot the sheer panic I felt when we had to call 911. I could not even talk clearly. Officers came soon after. A neighborhood boy told the officers he saw Ryan driving in a white car and that he was in the back seat. It was horrifying to say the least. I felt that I was going to pass out! Fortunately, for our family, Ryan was found hours later. It turned out he was hiding at a friend's house across the street. We checked there a few times, but no one answered the door, so we thought they weren't home. He was mad at his brother, then realized he would be in trouble for going out of the house-so stayed away for a while. Turned out the neighbor boy completely made up the story about Ryan being seen in a white car! I just can not imagine what you and your family have been going through all of these years, but know that God gives us hope in our heart-so keep hoping. I love that you have openly shared your journey about your faith. I've been trying to come back to my faith since my husband suddenly passed on a few years ago. Reading about your journey today has given me renewed hope to feel that inner faith I used to, and long for again. I hope and pray that you and your family will soon have answers to what happened to Michaela and where she is now. If it turns out she's been living in God's Kingdom-then at least you will know she was saved and spared so many years of suffering at the hands of evil who took her from you.
    Loving Regards,
    Christine

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  21. Michaela is very lucky to have such a wonderful and caring mother like you. I have never heard of Michaela myself before this week but I promise you that she (as well as you) will be on my prayer list. I have 2 children myself and I'm always warning my 7 year old about the dangers of strangers. With the recovery of Jaycee, I told him that no matter what he ever went through in his life, I would love him and he could always come back to me no matter what (without going into a lot of details about her case). Reading your amazing site made me cry because I think you are an amazing person for keeping your spirit and your faith alive (even if you stumbled a little). Please remember that your blessings in heaven will be great and be strong for your daughters sake...no matter what. It broke my heart to read that you turned from God when you needed him most but I'm happy for you that you are allowing him to hold you in His loving arms. He's always there for you. Your daughter will be in my heart until the day she is found. God bless you. Wanda

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  22. I have just learned of your plight and I had tear in my eyes as I listened to you and others on the news this evening. I am so, so very sorry for all you have been through! You will be in my thoughts and prayers in the days, weeks and months to come!!

    I hope that you get the answers that you have waited so long for!! God Bless you and your family!!!

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  23. I wish I knew the magic words that could express how much your story has touched me...but words fail me at this point.

    Just know that Michaela's story is being heard all over the world - I am in Northern Ontario, Canada and you have been seen here on CNN - bringing your story across the border to Canada.

    May God bless you with strength, and bring you the answers you so desperately need and deserve. May you soon be blessed with the news you so long for.

    Please accept a ((HUGG)) from a stanger, and know that you are being thought of often.

    With Love,
    Shelley

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  24. Sharon
    You are an inspiration. You are so articulate and your words are so powerful. I am sure that you are touching thousands of people everywhere. Michaela is with you in love, in heart, in spirit. I know that God is with you too. Please know that my prayers are with you, God Bless You.

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  25. Dear Sharon,

    I hope that God hears your pleas and brings your precious baby girl home to you. Oh how joyous that would be.

    I know what you mean about people telling you that you are so strong. I too have had people say that to me in my time of grief. But really, what choice do we have?

    Faith will sustain us even in our darkest hours.

    I will hold you in my heart and pray that Michaela will soon be in your loving embrace.

    love and peace,

    susan

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