Monday, September 21, 2009

Waiting

In the last week, I have been haunted by thoughts of what might have happened to Michaela, of what she might have had to endure. I don't know the details. I am not at all sure I am strong enough to know the details, but I have no doubt about the horror of it. Men like Michaela's kidnapper do not take beautiful young girls to be adopted by some childless family.

For some reason, it has been the photo above that I keep picturing. Trina, Michaela's friend, looked at it recently, and as she commented, it is just so Michaela. She was a girly girl for sure. She knew how to use a curling iron (I still haven't mastered that one myself), and she always took time to fix her hair. She loved to wear girly clothes. On the morning she was kidnapped, she was wearing shorts and a tee-shirt, but she and Trina had still taken their time and fixed their hair, and tried to match their outfits to each other, and she was wearing the fancy earrings she got at the flea market. How I have hated that all her care to look pretty ... well, I just can't go there, not in words.

This afternoon in Antioch they are digging. It appears to be something, sounds like it's likely to be human remains. Maybe not Michaela, but something.

17 comments:

  1. I pray for you Sharon every day. Words cannot express what my heart wants to give to you.
    Robin, Crockett CA

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  2. I have been visiting your site since I seen you on the morning show and you gave missingmichaela.com out. I am another mom who cares. Our thoughts are with you, Michaela and your family. My sister in law truly believes we were all failed by Michaela not being found. I even thought of you and Michaela as my six year old was outside playing while I washed dishes. Thank you for all you give through missing Michaela.

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  3. In 1988 I was 10 years old. I vividly remember my mom telling me about the little girl who walked out of the store and noticed her scooter had been moved. She told me to always pay attention when things seemed out of place and to tell an adult. A year or so later I was walking down my street with a friend when I saw a car with two men inside driving toward us. Even at 11 I remembered what my mom had told me, and I just knew something wasn't right. Without thinking twice I grabbed my friend's hand and pulled her to the porch of a neighbor's house. i frantically rang the doorbell and pounded on the door. The car actually came to stop right in front of where we'd been standing and at that moment, my neighbor opened the door. The car sped off. I never saw it again, but I've also never forgotten it. Only when Jaycee was rescued did I realize the little girl my mom had told me about was Michaela. I just want you to know that you and your daughter are bringing so much good into the world despite this act of evil committed against you. Thank you for keeping her in the news, thank you for looking into your heart to discover what you might do to keep this from happening to other children (your book.) I honestly believe knowing about Michaela saved my life and my friend's life. I know from my personal experience that children can be taught to "listen to their smart voice" and that it can prevent tragedy. Though I know nothing will ever fill the hole left in your heart by Michaela's absence I hope you never forget your own power to add goodness to the world.

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  4. I've been checking headlines every day looking for news about Michaela. Hoping and praying and wishing and waiting for answers. I hope you feel our love.

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  5. I have been following your blog for only a short time. Thank you for sharing your heart. I remember when my daughter was 5 years old and Morgan Nick from Alma, Arkansas was taken by a stranger while playing as her family watched a baseball game. Morgan was 1 year older than my daughter and Alma is only 30 minutes from our home. I remember hanging big jingle bells on the curtain in my daughter's room so I would hear if someone tried to come in during the night. I had horrible dreams about her being taken over the next several years. It breaks my heart to think of you waiting for the return of your child all these years. I know that you are having an impact on mothers that fear for their own children's safety. I'm sorry it's because of your ongoing nightmare. Tonight as I say my prayers, I'll pray for you to have peace, no matter what the outcome of the search is.

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  6. Dear Sharon,

    It is only today, September 22nd 2009, that I find out about your and your daughter's story. I don't live in the US, so it would have been difficult for me to find out. But of course I have been reading about Jaycee, and then your website popped out.

    I am myself the mother of a two year old girl and there is no need to tell you, but I will anyway, that your story fills me with infinite sorrow, that there is no stopping the tears. It is a deeply cruel world out there. Looking into your story is like looking into the cliff one never wants to have to look at. It gives me vertigo just to read your words.

    I am no believer in God, so I don't share that with you. But I don't think this really matters. Even I can see that you are a gift for everybody around you, and for everybody out there, for example, me. You may not always feel strong yourself but you radiate us with strength and energy.

    I am nobody to tell you what you should do now, whether to hope or not to hope. That is your decision. Just remember that whatever the outcome of all of this is, there is people out there who think of you and your beautiful daughter. It may be difficult for you to remember this, so let it remain written here.

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  7. Sharon, I have just discovered your website & blog about Michaela. As I have read through so much of your experience, I can literally feel your pain. My heart is breaking for you & the tears will not stop. I have 3 wonderful, beautiful children & they are my world. I have often feared something happening to 1 of them, but I cannot imagine what the reality would be like. I will be praying for you, daily, that you will find some answers to all the questions that you have. Just know that, along with so many others, there is 1 more person, a mother, right here who is thinking of you & praying for you every single day. May God bless you & keep you in his loving arms until the day you see Michaela again.

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  8. Dear Sharon,
    I was reading the latest news on Jaycee from People.com and somehow stumbled onto your website. It has truly touched me. I will keep you, your family, and your beautiful Michaela in my prayers. I can only imagine how impossible life must feel for you from day to day, but it is so wonderful to see how you never gave up hope. When I was 4 years old my mother died.. 18 years later I still love and miss her. Being so far away from your mom isn't easy, but the love is.. I tell you this to hopefully help you remember how much Michaela still loves you, wherever she is. You will always be her Mom. The love a daughter has for her mother knows no boundary, just like the love a mother has for her daughter.
    When I go to bed tonight and talk to my mom, I will tell her to make sure she is looking out for Michaela. I know you wish you are the one to look out for her, but I promise my mom is a great guardian angel and will do a good job until Michaela is in your arms. May God's peace be with you and your family..

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  9. I am so touched by your story of you and your little girl. I am a new mom with a little girl as well. I remember being a young girl and my parents telling me these stories of not talking to strangers and kidnappings etc and how I used to laugh at these stories. I used to think that only takes place in movies. Its only NOW when I'm an adult that I realize how more and more common it has become. They say in the internet age the act of pedophilia, kidnapping, and preying on children has increased by over 150%!!! Someone once said, the only time you really have your baby with you at all times is during pregnancy. I pray and hope that you find peace and find the happiness your family deserves because miracles do happen. God has a bigger plan for all of us, bigger than we can even imagine. God is the all-seer, all-knower. You are someone's shining light and please keep that torch raised high for others who are in darkness with no one to turn to. You will find peace, I promise you.

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  10. I found your blog doing a search on your daughter's name after I saw her name in a news story about Jaycee Dugard. I do hope your search ends one day, no matter what the outcome is. To me the waiting and not knowing and the way your mind must run wild has to be the worst. You have been through enough, you need and deserve answers that I pray you get. I admire you for your faith and strength. Michaela is lucky to have a mother like you. You are in my thoughts and prayers, as a mother to 2 I can not even begin to imagine something like this happening to me, and it never occured to me that it could but thanks to you and your daughter's story I realize it does happen to everyday people and will be more cautious and teach my children to be as well.

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  11. Hi, I just wanted to say hello and let you know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. I am 30 years old and I remember very vividly when Micheala was kidnapped. (and also Amber Swartz Garcia and Ilene Mischeloff.) It terrified me, Micheala was my age, so it seemed very real and too close to home (I lived in Concord, CA). I have never forgotten her. I have been following the news closely with a heavy heart and a knot in my stomach as I anxiously await any clues to finding Micheala. I can't even imagine what you are going through, I don't even have words to express my sorrow for all you have gone through the past 20 years, just please know I am sending love, hugs and prayers. I loved reading about your faith and how you have dealt with your pain and yet you haven't blamed God, still recognizing that He is a God of love and hope. I admire your strength, I know that took a lot to get to that point and you have inspired me through your writing. God bless you. Love and Hugs.

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  12. Dear Sharon, I stumbled upon your site early this morning..as I sit and read Michaela's story the tears flow freely down my face..my heart is broken for your daughter and for you! Moments ago, I got up to go wake my 12 year old and 10 year old daughters for school, as I walked by the tv I turned it on. It was 5:50am est, and Michaels picture was on the tv as I stared in amazement! CNNHLN was telling her story! I will tell my girls Michaela's story and ask them to also pray for you and her!! As a mother, I can't even imagine the pain you have been in for 20 yrs, but I promise I will continue to pray for you and Michaela! May God bless you and keep you stong till the day, on earth or in Heaven, you hold your daughter again in your loving arms!
    Kim

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  13. Dear Sharon, I too as many others found your blog on People.com reading Jaycee Duggards updates. I can't imagine how horrific your life has been since your little girl was taken from you. I am a mother of three grown children, while they where young the fear of kidnappings and abuse and all of the horrors that could happen to young children made me a very paranoid, strict, and sometimes just crazy person. My daughter was born a month before Michaela was kidnapped, I remember watching TV and crying as I heard the news, my 6 year old and 3 year old sons just looked at me with wondering eyes and I had to tell them how evil this world was, how there where evil people that took children away. Stranger Danger finally had a face for them, although I had to explain that that face was always different.
    I guess the reason I am writing you is because I had never heard anything since that day, and now after so many years I read that you are still enduring the worst nightmare a mother can endure, I have so much respect for your strenght, I pray that the Lord can finally bring you some closure, preferably a happy ending.

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  14. Dear Sharon

    I have a candle lit for you today. Pls. take care of yourself during this time. Deep breaths and cool sips of water. Sleep whenever and wherever you can. I am in deep prayer for you.

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  15. Thank you everyone for your kind comments. I managed to make it through the day and they didn't find anything bad, thank the Lord.

    A couple of people have asked for the "story behind the picture." Those stories are some of the things we can use to identify someone who may claim to be Michaela or have Michaela, and therefore we don't want to publicize them.

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  16. Sharon, you are such an awesome lady. Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers constantly as you go through this unspeakably difficult time. I have 2 daughters, and have become so obsessed with this story. Your magnificent strength has helped ME get a grip and not go to the dark side when I start to lose hope with my own life. Thank you for writing from your heart. I know Michaela knows the magnitude of your love, wherever she is, and that love transcends all. As moms, we have to believe in the power of God who gave us the love we have for our children, in spite of how intensely we are challenged. No one knows that more than you do. Sharon, I send you a hug and gratitude. I wish there was more that I could do for you, but I realize only God can help any of us, and so I will continue to pray fervently for you and for Michaela and for your family. Please keep writing and sharing your story. Love, Penny

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  17. Hello, I have read your testimony about surrendering to God. That is so wonderful!
    I am too a christian and mother of three beautiful girls! My heart goes out to you..
    My husband is from around that area Newark Ca. We now live in NC. One thing is for sure the Hope of the return of christ, to be caught up in the clouds of heaven, transformed! Where there is no more tears, or pain.
    Also when you wrote of Job, I thought of Joseph being sold into slavery by his own brothers! He was put in prison for almost many years..twice.
    Something so horrible , God ment it for good!

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