Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Autumn Chill

Still feeling that autumn chill down in my bones, but I think I'm understanding it a bit more.  I am feeling anxiety related to the things going on in the world, and the economy in particular, like so many people, and I think it's been exacerbated by the onset of autumn weather.  Autumn is a season when responsibility falls heavily onto those of us with children.  It is the time when we need to come up with back to school clothes and school supplies.  Christmas is bearing down, right around the corner.  On a more visceral level, the onset of chilly weather seems to trigger the notion that we need to protect our little ones from the winter weather to come.

Now I live in California, so winter may get chilly, but it's not usually life threatening, and my kids are not so little anymore.  But it just seems that the economy had a chemical reaction with the autumn deja vu in my brain.  Just gotta shake it off, live life one day at a time, in the present, rather than allowing all the worries in the past to take hold of the present. 

Autumn is a beautiful season, after all.  It wants to take me back to Fairway Park in Hayward, not surprising since I lived there for so many years, and I probably spent more time outdoors there than anywhere else I've ever lived.  I walked my kids to school along sidewalks swirling with falling autumn leaves.  I used to run and walk through the neighborhood, and along the walking paths along Mission Boulevard.  I can't drive through the neighborhood in any season without being struck with deja vu.  It is, of course, where Michaela was kidnapped.  It is where the most difficult and dramatic days of my life played out.  It's a place of broken hearts and shattered dreams, but also a place where I put my life back together, a place where I was forced to marshall my strength and find out just what I was made of. 

And here's what it was. Mom Stuff.  That's the glue that will hold you together!  Now my kids are older, maybe I'm falling apart a little more!  Gotta get a grip.

6 comments:

  1. Sharon,

    Today is my birthday, and I have to return a few calls from some friends who are waiting to sing to me, but I wanted to stop here first and say a quiet prayer for you.

    Reading your blog, I am constantly amazed at how emotionally open you are. You are so sensitive to everything around you and you convey it in such a beautiful way.

    To me, that is the grace of God upon your life.

    I have not been through what you went through, but I have had traumas that shut me down for years to the point of not wanting to think or feel anything. I think I walked around for 10 years without even seeing the leaves on the trees.

    The Lord has been healing me a bit and I am finally seeing what is in front of me, but it is humbling coming here and reading your blog and seeing how open you are to life.

    You are such a witness to me!

    Beautiful!

    I believe, with everything in my heart, that the same grace that is upon you is on Michaela.

    I was thinking about George Otis and the Transformation DVD series. There is a DVD from Northern Uganda, and in it a woman whose daughter, along with many other children from a school, was kidnapped by a murderous group.

    The prayers of the righteous prevailed and eventually this girl was reunited with her mother. The thing that struck me the most afterwards was how peaceful that young woman looked. She came out of the whole experience knowing God in a way that most of us never achieve in this lifetime.

    I was intrigued watching it, because mother and daughter conveyed that they spent time with each other in the Spirit, even as they were physically separated.

    If that experience is possible, I pray it for you.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Happy Birthday, and thank you! I have been going through this for almost 21 years now, and I have not always been so emotionally open. Believe me, I was closed down for a long time, and opening up again was a long and painful process. So I know what you are talking about.

    I pray you will have a wonderful year, and that it will be filled with joy.

    Sharon

    ReplyDelete
  3. Sharon---after what you have been through I think you have a better grip than most of us--we all cannot imagine how you get through something like this but we are learning from you that your life does go on---You are an amazing writer and an inspiration to so many---
    My thoughts and prayers are with you---- and thank you--

    ReplyDelete
  4. When I think of you and others who's children are missing,it makes me so sad beyond words.I have two children of my own and since I became a mother myself it left me with concern a lot about their welfare and safety.When I read about what you have been through all this time pffft it is heartbreaking.
    I do hope and wish that you will recieve a lot of support,strenght and power.
    All my prayers are with you.
    Mother from The Netherlands

    ReplyDelete
  5. sharon...wow...this post DEEPLY resonates with me. thank you for sharing it. you are never far from my heart...or prayers. xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  6. I think that fall reflects the process of dying because it is beautiful but there is a sense of what is to come (winter) which is the death part. We are able to have new life which is reflected in the Spring season with all of the butterflys and new flowers blooming and the beauty is just unbelievable. Without the fall or winter there could not be a spring and of course the summer reflects life and the living of the life. I think that God gave us the four seasons to be able to comprehend our life here on earth and our relationship with him. He is saying choose summer and in order to choose this you have to accept me as your Lord and Savior and make a decision to have summer all of the time. Heaven will be an endless summer with all that comes with it. That is why we have to feel the loneliness of winter to know what life would really feel like without him. He said that we should know him because of Nature and all that he has done in Nature so I think that he shows us himself through the seasons. We have to have that new beginning which is the Spring in order to appreciate the summer and of course there has to be the fall and winter in order for the spring to come to us..I like all of the seasons but the winter is the hardest to deal with because of the separation that we have from Nature. It is hard to see all of the trees without leaves and the absence of flowers. I much prefer summer all of the time just to avoid the absence of life around me, plus I like the sun and the warmth of the light.

    ReplyDelete