Saturday, November 21, 2009

Cement

I am having a difficult time getting anything done in life.  There are blogs I want to write, and there is a book I want to write.  I cleaned half the house yesterday and want to clean the other half today.  There are phone calls I need to make.  Today I planned on going to Costco.  I have the day off work today and there are so many things I need to do.

But instead, I feel my limbs filling with cement, and it makes it impossible for me to do anything.  It's this soggy mass in the middle of my chest that just spreads out, mixes with my good intentions, and turns into cement.  It feels like good old fashioned depression. 

6 comments:

  1. AAHHH! I hate that feeling. Uhg! It leaves you feeling heavy, slow, and like your just stumped in one place. I hate it. But ha! Cement- what a unique and creative way of describing it. Never thought of it like that- very clever Sharon!

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  2. I think I know how you feel. Last winter, our state experienced the worst ice storm in history. We own a poultry farm and no power for a week was more than a challenge when caring for 160,000 baby birds. Not to mention trees on fences that kept our cattle in. And all the food in both refrigerators spoiled. And on the first day of the ice storm, we had to take our mother to the hospice hospital where she spent the last 3 weeks of her life. So, a little laundry and several showers were done there. And if anybody has given weeks of comfort care to a parent or loved one, they will understand how exhausting mentally and physically that can be. And while this was all taking place, I was spending a little time each day at my job. A month later, I was experiencing this "cement" feeling you describe. I was in a hole, but at the same time, I was able to admit I was depressed too. Heaven knows you have every right to experience depression. And I don't know you personally, Sharon, but I know this feeling will pass. With the anniversary this week and the holidays approaching, it only makes sense that you would get an overwhelming feeling. Be kind to yourself...take a bubble bath, take a break from anything you need to do today, go to church tomorrow and get recharged. I'll pray that next week is a good one for you. I hope you have a good Thanksgiving. For me, this year I am thankful I found your blog which gives me inspiration daily. I thank you for that.

    Michele

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  3. Tomorrow will be a better day. And if not tomorrow, then the next day. It will come. For now, just get through your day doing whatever gets you through it. We all send you love and hugs.

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  4. Have you thought it might be God that is making you feel like concrete? His way of telling you to slow down? That after all you have been through, expecially with the anniversary that you are exhausted? Just take it easy, rest in Him, and when it is time He will give you the strength to continue.

    God bless you. My thoughts and prayers are with you and Michaela.

    Jacki.

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  5. Dear Sharon,

    Please be gentle and kind with yourself. You have been through so much, and lately, oh, lately, the up's, the down's, the hopes, the disappointments! You are a loving, wonderful, kind mother and person who has been generous enough to share yourself with all of us -- and we all reap the benefits of your singularly articulate pathway to your soul. Let us, then, give you some peace and comfort. Your loving thoughts to Michaela bring hope and faith to all who read them. Wherever Michaela is, I know she can feel a force as strong as your oh-so-tireless enduring love! But Sharon, you too, need love, gentleness and patience for yourself. So I wish for you the palpable awareness of God's peace and love, and pray that your depression eases, little by little. You give so much to so many by this blog.

    As one is only too familiar with that particular beast (depression), I feel your inertia. May your "cement" turn to a field of flowers on a sparkling morning, and may it energize and comfort your soul from inside out. You deserve this, my unknown friend, for you are amazing yourself, Sharon, and have brought me strength on many a day lately when I thought there was none. I have had a problem recently, and when I go to your blog, I am filled with strength and hope, and now I wish I could give them to you in kind.

    Thank you, Sharon, and be well!

    Love, Penny V.

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  6. hi sharon.
    im just wondering abt your ealier post.
    you said that a man had emailed u telling u michaela was alive & well..(when jaycee was found).could this 'man' have been Michaela? maybe she saw u on tv as you were on tv alot then.why dont u try emailing him ?

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