Friday, November 13, 2009

Dear Michaela,



Today I have wanted to do nothing but cry.  While out running errands, I've let silent tears slip down my face.  At home, alone, I have broken down in sobs.  I am just so, so, so sad.

Not long after Jaycee was found, I got an e-mail from a man, who had a message for me ... from God, from you.  He said that you were alive and lived far away from me, that you were married.  He said you thought of me often, especially on Mother's Day, and that you wanted me to buy myself a plant for Mother's Day, and put my face in it, and think of you when I felt the leaves against my skin.  Well, this was all very touching and poetic, and I don't really think he had a special message from God or from you.  But at the time I wrote back to him and told him that I knew that if you were out there somewhere, married, indicating that you were living with free will, that you would have contacted me.  I knew that it would be impossible for you to be alive with any degree of freedom, and for you not to have contacted me. 

But Jaycee has changed all that.  Jaycee has changed everything.  Now the world and we, the parents of missing children, know that not only can our children be alive, but they can be alive and able to come home, and yet choose not to.  The one thing I had never factored into any consideration is that it's entirely possible for you to have formed a bond with the person who kidnapped you and held you captive, and not want to come home because you don't want to send that person to jail.  Of course this could be true.  How could I not have seen that before?  Because you were such a loving child, you are such a loving young woman, of course you could feel that way.

Am I repeating myself?  Gosh, these things run circles around me and I can't tell what I've thought, what I've said, or where I've said it.  Okay, this isn't that unusual a problem.  Your brothers and sisters will tell you that!

As difficult as it is to think about this, about you allowing me to go on without knowing what happened to you, without letting me know that you are okay, Jaycee has blazed this trail for you.  She's given the world, given me, a chance to embrace this truth, to take it into our hearts and understand it.  So it's easy now ... just follow that trail. 

You can write to me, you know.  You can write to me without telling me where you are or who you are with.  If you did, I would want to trace your e-mail address and run to where you are, throw my arms around you and take you home with me.  But if it would mean the difference between hearing from you and not, I would refrain from doing that.  If you could talk to me, if you could send me some photos of yourself, and of your children if you have them, then we could talk.  Perhaps we could figure out a way for you to come home without compromising your loyalties.  I know that as much as you may care about whoever you may be with, you love me also.  I sign these letters with the words, "I love you forever."  Do you remember where those words come from?  The book, "Love You Forever." 

Do you remember one of your favorite movies, The Boy Who Could Fly?  You remember when you met the star of that movie?  If you can tell me where you met him, and what he was doing there, I will know that it is you.  Do you remember our family code word? 

I long to hold you in my arms.  But at the very least, if you are reading my words, talk to me.  Please.

I love you forever,
mom

7 comments:

  1. Dear Sharon ,

    I guess no one needs to reiterate how much u long to see Micheala,it just pains me to read these notes from u to your daughter..i do believe that Micheala is somewhere and hoping that she reads it to ,but I also think that somebody ,somewhere who knows something of what happened to Micheala or also anyone else holding someone kidnapped will read this and understand how a mother longs for her missing child ...(i believe this that kidnappers are always looking up the internet to see how things are going on -read this in the latest update on Madeleine McCain)...so i want to reach out to those people and plead to them to act now...also viewing the video that you put up today ...this is what ime trying to do ...try to be as vigilant ,keep my eyes and ears open...praying that God gives me a chance to recognise some kidnapped child ..i hope everybody ...ime always praying for Micheala and i really hope and praythat your unconditional love for her will bring her back to u soon..
    Regards
    Sharlene

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  2. You know, Sharon, this has me wondering if stranger abduction attempts are a common childhood experience? Let me explain.

    I was 11 years old in the fall of 1983. My mother and I were shopping in a grocery store in Gallup, NM. While my mom was shopping, I went to browse the magazine rack. While I was thumbing through magazines, this tall, skinny, greasy-haired guy came up next to me and made a show of browsing through magazines too. It wasn't long before he asked me, "What's your name?" Now, I was a pretty unfriendly, suspicious child and this sent a red flag up straight away. I replied in a contemptuous, snotty tone of voice, "Why? What's it to you?" Instinct told me then to put the magazine I was looking at back on the rack and walk away, quickly. I found my mom, told her what happened. She didn't think anything of it until as we were leaving that guy was standing in the front of the store glaring at me with murder in his eyes. I pointed him out to my mom, and she proceeded to warn me, in graphic detail, what perverts like to do to little boys. It's one of those childhood incidents that stick with you for the rest of your life, even though nothing really happened.

    Fast forward a few years to 1985 when we were living in Waco, TX. I'm walking home from middle school when this guy in a small, white pickup pulls into a drive way in front of me, opens the passenger door and offers me a ride. He was a pimply-faced guy in his 20s, I'd guess, and he was leering at me. Very creepy. I said, "No, thanks," and shut the door. I walk around the back of his pickup, making sure I give his side a wide berth. He drives off. I didn't tell anyone.

    In another incident in Austin, TX in the summer of 1982, I'm pretty sure my cousin and I crossed paths with child-killer Raul Meza. He had kidnapped, raped, and murder an 8 year old girl. Whoever this guy was, he accosted me and my cousin while we were playing in a park. If it was Meza, I have to wonder if what spared us was the fact that there were 2 of us instead of just one?

    Again, my point in relaying these stories is that I wonder if these sorts of incidents are very common for children, especially those between the ages of 9 and 13? Because it seems as though between the ages of 10 and 13 I encountered pedophiles on 3 separate occassions.

    Do you have an opinion on this, Sharon?

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  3. I'm sorry you're sad.

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  4. Sharon,
    Please know that my thoughts are with you daily. I hope that you feel that. I hope that you are ok. Please hang in there, I know that your heart will always be broke and nothing can change that. I posted something for Michaela today on my facebook. I promise you that I will stand with you Sharon and be there for you whether in person or just in prayer. I am here...

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  5. This post just tore me up. It is so heartbreaking. No, i do not know how you feel and I won't pretend to but as a mother I can imagine somewhat how much it hurts. I do not even think hurt is the right word. I pray that you find peace, that Michaela is safe somewhere and will come back to you. I pray that she knows and feels how much you love her. You are so strong, better than me, I do not know how you have done it because I do not think I could. You and your family are in our prayers.

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  6. Even the word Impossible says 'I'm Possible'...Your miracle I pray is just waiting to happen. Theres a right time for everything and I believe now for some reason that only God knows, it is not the right time for that miracle to happen. But I believe from the way that every pore in your body is so obviously longing for that miracle, it will happen. God will not disappoint you. Don't feel sad, you will see your girl again in this life- hopefully and in the next life -definately.

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  7. sharon,i pray n hope one day micheala will post u or try to reach u.
    its a heartbreaking thing 4 me to even think abt how u feel..pls michaela.ur mom needs to know how u r..even if its just that..pls pls do this for yr mother..

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