It is November 18th. Today is an anniversary as well. Really, it is a more important anniversary than November 19th. Today is the anniversary of the last day we spent together. It is the anniversary of the last day of innocence and joy. What did we do on that day, do you remember? It was a school day, so it was probably pretty routine.
I do remember that night, though. You had a bad dream or something, because when I woke up in the middle of the night you were in my bed. I remember reaching out in the dark and running my fingers through your silky hair, and that's how I knew it was you. That was the last time I was able to be there to comfort your fears in the night.
There were so many worst things after that, but this ranked right up there with the worst ... that I knew you were afraid, and there wasn't a thing I could do about it. I couldn't find you, I couldn't get to you, I couldn't save you, protect you, hold you. I am so sorry, so very sorry, Michaela.
If I ever find you, I will want to hold you forever, and I will make certain that nothing ever makes you afraid again, nothing ever makes you sad. We will take all the love we haven't been able to give each other for the last 21 years and spin it into beautiful dreams, and they will all come true.
I love you forever, baby girl.