Tuesday, January 12, 2010

All we need is love

Well, I checked in here and was really happy to see that many of you are still coming to visit my blog, even though I have been absent for awhile.  2010 is a new leaf in the book of my life.  Who knows what it will bring before it is over, but in these early days, I am just slowly unwinding from 2009.  There are so many good things in life right now, and I need to just enjoy those things, and be a normal person, and as much as I really love all you people who have become my "friends" through your compassion for what happened to my daughter, I have just felt a need to withdraw into my life, and my family.  So that's why I haven't been here.

Okay, there's a bit of the shadow still to be shaken I will admit.  Today I got a book called "On a Night Like This" by Ellen Sussman.  It's a love story, of course, about a man who goes in search of a missing classmate for a high school reunion and falls in love with her, and decides to go ahead and risk getting involved in a relationship with her, in spite of the fact that she is dying.  Oh, and she's a single mom with a teenage daughter as well.  Now why would I want to torture myself with a book like this?  I don't know, and I can't even guarantee you that I will finish it.  But I'm writing a book report on this before even reading it, and I'm thinking, it's just a microcosm of reality.  So this guy chooses love knowing its end, able to actually see it and touch it.  But the end is the same for all of us, one way or the other, even though it may take an entire lifetime.

I've been really caught up by the song "Just Breathe" by Pearl Jam lately.  I didn't like it immediately, but it's just kind of clutched at me.  It starts out with the theme of loss, "Yes, I understand that every life must end."  Not a good beginning.  I think that the part that gets me the most are the verses that say, "Did I say that I need you? Did I say that I want you? Oh, if I didn’t now I’m a fool you see.... No one knows this more than me."

And this is what those verses say to me -- that you have got to embrace love in your life.  You can't hide, live in a cave.  You can't be afraid of loss.  You just have to recognize that love is all the more precious.

Anyway.  My life is filled with so many good things, so many wonderful people.  (Have I said those words, "my children" again? I am sure everybody gets tired of me bragging about what wonderful people they are, but they are.  Well, most of the time they are.) I just have to realize how blessed I am. 

On Thursday, I will be meeting with our investigators at Hayward P.D.  I don't think there is anything earth shattering going on with the case, but once a month or so they take me out out to lunch, and just kind of fill me in on things.  They are still working on it, or trying to work on it.  Please, everybody send positive energy to Hayward, California, that it may remain peaceful.  Please, all you people in Hayward, stop hurting each other and committing crimes, so the investigators will have time to find Michaela!

I am ready for a resolution now.  I want to know the truth about what happened, even if it is not pleasant.  Whatever happened, happened.  If Michaela could endure it, then I can endure hearing it.  So if there is anybody out there who hasn't wanted to tell us what happened because I said I didn't want to know that particular thing, you can tell us now. 

And Michaela, my dear, sweet daughter, you tell me.  I've asked you to call me or write to me if you are alive.  Now I ask, wherever you are, tell me, please.  I love you, baby girl.

10 comments:

  1. Sharon,

    I have recently just discovered "Just Breathe" by Pearl Jam also. It is a song that has changed my life. How you described it is right on point. You continue to be in my thoughts and prayers, everyday.

    Laura

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  2. Hey what's the story with Garrido? Everything about him just kinda dropped out of the news lately. Did they ever link him to Michaela?

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  3. What's up with Garrido is that the judge has issued a court order forbidding any law enforcement personnel from contacting either Phil or Nancy Garrido. Because of that, our investigators have not had a chance to interview either of them. While the Garridos have certainly not been discounted, we do have several really strong suspects in the case besides them, so as long as we have not been allowed to talk to Garrido, they are pursuing the ones they can. We got a lot of new leads as a result of all the publicity, and many meshed with leads we already had on the case. Believe me, we have a very strong possibility of solving this case. It would be very helpful just to know which of the five or so paths we should pursue, however, so if anybody out there has any information PLEASE let us know. You can just leave a comment on this blog. It goes to my privat email before it gets posted, so it won't be public.

    Thanks,
    Sharon

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  4. Maybe it would help if you gave us an idea as to what might these possible leads are. Or are you legally obligated not to give this info out publicly?

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  5. I would not give out any information about the investigation because that could potentially compromise the case, and that is something I would never willingly or knowingly do. It wouldn't do any good, anyway. The information we need has to come from the people who have it, and they already know who they are, and they already know what that lead is. They just have to be willing to talk.

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  6. hi Sharon ,

    Talking of Garrido,i did read from above your statement that there are court orders that the hyward police cannot question garrido ...but we are talking of a very strong suspect here ...so cant we challenge this court order ...what I mean is ..this happened like 20 yrs bk and among all the leads the Garrido one is real strong ...a mistake was already made by not rescuing Jaycee earlier on...will we not be doing the same with the delay in questioning Garrido...also any clues from the huge debris that were got from digging up his home ...any leads from that?

    Do u know abt it ...if yes would it be possible to share it with us...

    Thanks
    Shine

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  7. Sharon, you've poured out your heart here and reached a lot of people and touched hearts, minds and souls of people you don't know. And most importantly you've left love letters for Michaela.

    Not that you need permission from any of us but if you need to step back from this blog, temporarily or permanently, do what you need to do for you.

    I check your blog every few days and am always pleased to see an update when there is one. It always brightens my day to see what you have to say...unless it's really sad but I'm still always interested and engaged in your thoughts and observations. But I also want to support you in any way I can, and that means that if it's healthier or easier or necessary for you to write less or not at all or anything, do it. The most important thing is it's out there for Michaela to see.

    Take care of yourself.

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  8. Thanks, s. And I'm really glad if I have ever been able to brighten your day! Sometimes I feel like Eeyore dragging a gloomy cloud around behind me and dampening everybody's spirits! And I really so don't want to do that.

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  9. Is there a reason for such a court order? That doesn't seem to make sense.

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  10. Hi, Sharon.

    Don't worry about being absent. I enjoy reading your blog entries, and I'll continue to be a reader regardless of how often you write. And don't worry about the sad entries, either. They're completely understandable. We're here for the ride because you're a kind, relatable person who also happens to be a great writer. :)

    God bless,

    Jen Benjamin

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