Thursday, March 4, 2010
Dear Michaela (Rainbows and Ribbons)
The rainbow was so breathtaking. I know it was a meteorological phenomenon, and yet when you see something as beautiful as that, there is just this natural inclination to think that it was put there for you somehow, that it was some sort of a sign.
Traditionally, rainbows have been a sign for many things, but for me, rainbows are always associated with you. Do you remember in the months before you were taken away from me, you were almost obsessed with drawing rainbows? You drew them in almost every picture. I remember one in particular where you drew an angel standing underneath a rainbow. Of course, I believed that angel was you! So with all that has been going on, that rainbow on that day at that time was like a promise being held out to me, and it was a promise of you.
Sometimes, they get a little soggy. I took this photo yesterday,, after days of drenching rains and winds. The ribbon is soaked and stuck to the railing, but it is intact.
This ribbon is a picture of my love for you. Not all the time, not all the storms, all the wind and rain, can change it. The dirt and dust will never settle on it. It remains just as fresh and clean as it was on that first day when I held you in my arms and looked into your beautiful little face. You were a miracle then. You are a miracle now. You have been given a very hard road to walk in this life, but it is not an aimless journey. You do have a destination. You do have a destiny. And that destiny is one of love and hope and faith. Many people over the years have somehow taken comfort from me and what I have suffered, and the roads I have walked through that suffering. How much more will they take comfort from you! I know all that happened, and yet you have to believe me that you are not a victim. In your heart, you are a Victor. I know this. I know your heart, and its strength and its love, and I know that it may be wounded, but there is nothing that this world could heap on it that could ever, ever destroy it.
Maybe even these things sound a little scary to you, but don't be scared. I promise, I will be here for you. I will hold your hand through every step of the journey you wish, and I also promise that when you want me to (and only when you want me to), I will let go of it also. Just take that first step. Come home.
I love you forever, baby girl.