Friday, April 9, 2010

Dear Michaela ... HELP!

So recently I've been getting veiled messages from people who obviously know more than they are telling. They may have actual information, or they may not ... I have no idea. And I will admit, I have absolutely LOST IT with these people lately. I am sick to death of the bullshit. People, if you have information, then GIVE IT TO ME!

And Michaela, these people are still, or again, suggesting that you are alive out there somewhere but that for some reason you don't want to come home -- that because of the things your kidnapper has subjected you to, you want to avoid ME. And no, I have to admit, I DON'T UNDERSTAND THIS. I want to be the all-understanding great mother here, but I am NOT. I am a mother whose child was STOLEN AWAY from her over twenty-one years ago and who has lived in hell over it for all that time.

Michaela, do you know who you are? I had told you, and I've written about it so many times since you've been gone, how could you not know? You were my first child. I had longed for you for years before I had you, and had even had to take fertility pills to get pregnant with you. You are the single person who taught me what it means to give your heart totally to another person. You taught me the real meaning of love, in its greatest joy and also the deepest, darkest depth of its pain.

When you were little you used to say "kee-ka-bah" for cookie, and "garba" for grandmother, grandfather, and garbage! You could name all the letters of the alphabet on sight before you were two years old. You learned them because we used to sit on the floor and pile up letter blocks, and said their names as we built the piles. You loved to dance and sing, to read and write. Do you remember your favorite movies, like "The Boy Who Could Fly"? Do you remember when we met the star of that movie while he was home visiting his family for Easter? Do you remember any one of a million things that are you?

Were you able to witness any of the search for you over the last 21 years? In the days and months after you were kidnapped, did you see the flyers posted on every tree, telephone and window? Did you see the billboards and the milk cartons? The TV shows and newspaper headlines? Even now, 21 years later, do you see all the many, many, many people who never even knew you who pour out their love to you?

Not least of all me.

Michaela, when you were little I used to tell you, "Be careful and take care of yourself, because if anything ever happened to you it would break my heart." And I know that after you were kidnapped in the midst of your own terror and pain, you would have thought about that. I know you would never have wanted to break my heart. So now, please, if you are out there, remember this! Remember when we sat and watched the news reports about Amber Swartz and Candy Talarico, who had been kidnapped the summer before you were. We talked about it, remember? We agreed that this must be the worst possible thing that could happen, to not be able to find each other, to not be able to help each other. And then it became reality for us.

If you are out there, Michaela, please, please, please end this nightmare. I realize there may be a thousand reasons why you wouldn't want to come home. I know there may be things you have been through that you don't want to talk about, and I'm not going to try to fool you into thinking you would never have to do that. But you would not have to tell me anything you don't want to. And I just want to say one more time that there is nothing you could tell me that would ever change my feelings for you. I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART AND SOUL AND EVERY LAST LITTLE BIT OF MY BEING!

If you even think you could be Michaela, it would be so easy to establish. Remember when you went to the child safety fair at school? They took a full set of your fingerprints, and we still have those on file. All you would have to do is submit a set of your fingerprints and we could know if it is you. If you wanted to do that anonymously, you could do that, just to give both of us peace of mind as to whether or not it is actually you. You could send them to my post office box: P.O. Box 55844, Hayward, CA 94540. Nobody ever checks that post office box but me (and I don't do it regularly, so tell me if you are sending something). But I can get them out and give them to the police, and when I get the results I can publish them here in my blog, or I can send you an e-mail, or call you. Then you would know. You would know for certain that you are Michaela. You would know for certain who you are and what happened to you, and then you would be able to make a fully informed decision about what you want to do.

And I would know. As it is, I really don't believe these people. They know someone and they claim that they KNOW this person is Michaela. But I don't believe they could know this with any certainty, and therefore to me you are still just MISSING. Even if you chose not to contact me, if I knew for a fact that you were alive, it would make such a big difference to me.

Above all, I beg you to PLEASE don't let anybody influence you. Please don't let anybody dissuade you from talking to me, or to our detective Rob Lampkin who is the nicest man in the world, and who I can guarantee actually loves you. These other people -- well, who knows what their motivations may be, but if they really cared about you, they would want only the best for you, and the best would be for you to at least have peace about who you are, and why and how you suffered what you have suffered.

Others have come home, Michaela. Jaycee Dugard came home. She has been well hidden and has had to give up nothing against her will. She is able to live in peace with her family. Shawn Hornbeck came home, and Elizabeth Smart, and they went on with their lives, even returning to school, living in society. If these people can do it, Michaela, it can be done.

PLEASE, PLEASE, just contact me. E-mail me at You can leave a voicemail message at 510-995-7085, although you'd have to leave a contact number where I could call you back, because there isn't an actual phone attached to this number. You could call any of the contact numbers on your website, Send an anonymous letter, a photograph, your fingerprints.

Please! I'm begging you! Do not let these people manipulate you any longer!

I love you forever
I like you for always
As long as I'm living,
my baby you'll be



  1. Oh, Sharon! In my heart I want to believe that there are not people on this earth cruel enough to be playing games with you but if there weren't such cruel people on this earth, there would be no need for this website.

    I'm hoping and praying even harder that something good is going to happen soon.

  2. Here in Florida we had a very wonderful lady named Susan Billig. Her daughter Amy vanished and she searched for her for the rest of her life. For 20 of those years a man tormented her about Amy, calling her and telling horrible stories. She finally got him into a courtroom. He said that tormenting Susan was "his porn."

    Yes, there are some really cruel people out there.

  3. So obvious, I guess, but have Michaela's fingerprints been entered into law enforcement databases for possible matches?

  4. Yes, Michaela's fingerprints are run through the NCIS. However, that only contains fingerprints of criminals. So if she ever robs a bank, we might find her!

  5. yes Sharon,i too feel that something good and positive is going to emerge out of all these anonymous leads.i feel like we are getting closer to zeroing in on Michaela pretty soon.i am praying God that He should give Michaela the courage to come out of anonymity and reveal herself to her mom regardless of what bad things had been done to her.

  6. Sharon, I'm so sorry for your loss. Have you tried putting out an age-enhanced photo? I notice that you don't have one here. An age-enhanced photo might help find her.

  7. I have written blogs on this subject before, so I won't go into it in depth, but we DO NOT USE age progressions. I don't believe they are accurate at all, and certainly not accurate enough to be taking up our investigator's time, which is at a premium as it is.


  8. These kinds of jerks are common unfortunatly.

    If they really had information pertaining to the investigation they would be giving you more than veiled hints and not just be yanking your chain. It's ridiculous but in the world of the internet these kinds of people are common.

    I'm thinking that maybe you're reading too much into some of the messages you've been recieving for the sake of any sort of hope but I can't judge since I dont know the details behind these messages that are upsetting you or what about them is getting at you.

    It is amazing the effort you put into the search after all these years though.

    This kinda reminds me of the whole story with Anastasia and how over the years dozens of women came forward claiming to be her and were proven frauds. I'm not saying that you should give up in anyway. I'm just saying that the search for your daughter is gonna be tedious, and as stressful as it may be if you plan to search every angle and investigate every single clue then prepare for a lot of phonies to make an appearance. It will suck but that is just how hard work comes about...through a lot of sorting out the nonuseful in search of the few valuable things.

  9. Well, actually, someone said, "I KNOW this is Michaela." As I've said, I don't personally believe that she could know that. I think it's most likely NOT Michaela or believe me I'd have been far crazier than I am. But it's just so easy to prove, you know? So easy to just get it out of the way, one way or the other, and yet this person claims to be actively preventing further investigation. So far.

  10. So, they or her thinks it is Michaela, but this "Michaela" doesn't want to come home to you. Is that possible? Why would a person not want to be reunited with their parent? I suppose in some way it is possible, although for me, I can't imagine why. Fear of facing reality and living in what she has now is easier? Probably not. I can only imagine a child or adult staying away out of fear. Fear for the safety of their loved one, because by coming home answers will come, and then so will punishment to others...I don't know, I guess I'm just throwing it all out there. I only have one daughter, and not that my daughter is more special then my boys, they are all equal in my eyes, but there is a bond when a mother and daughter have an exceptional relationship, and that is obvious with you and Michaela. One would never forget the bond. My daughter and I have that, and I'm so very thankful for it, because I didn't have it with my mom, until the end when she became ill and died. It still was worth it, and even with that relationship, I would never have stayed away from her or not wanted to come home.

    If you are a person "Jane" who is playing games, stop it! It is sick and hurtful. If you truely know something, then do what is right. Right by law, right for Michaela, right for Sharon and most of all......right in Gods eyes.

    Paula in Illinois

  11. Paula,

    There have been a lot of things I have not been able to "see" over the years, that time has brought some understanding to. For a long time I couldn't see how Michaela could possibly still be alive, because I figured that after X amount of time she would have found some way to contact me. But gradually a number of scenarios began to come to me. Like, she could be in a foreign country, where she hadn't been able to figure out how to use the phones, at least not before she forgot her phone number. And someone else was talking about runaways, and how they often don't want to go home because they are so ashamed of the way they have been living and the things they have done, or have had done to them. And I realized that was a possibility. Or there is amnesia, total or partial, which this particular person is said to suffer from.

    Then the Jaycee case came along and presented us with whole new universes of possibilities to consider. Jaycee didn't want to be found, or identified when she did go to the police department, because she had formed a bond with her abductors, AND was under mind control by Garrido, and she did not want them to be hurt. She didn't want them to be arrested. She was protecting them.

    And then there is the other thing, which is that if Michaela were out there and didn't want to think about or talk about what she has been through, she might be reluctant to come home. As I said in this post, she doesn't have to tell ME anything, but you know that she would have to tell law enforcement about where she'd been, who she'd been with, what they had done to her.

    And there is a huge amount of notoriety that goes along with this. I know what it has been like for me. For a long time I couldn't go out without people everywhere recognizing me, and even now people are always saying, "I know you from somewhere...." I can tell you that if I ran across Jaycee Dugard, or Shawn Hornbeck, or Elizabeth Smart, in the grocery store or mall, I'd know them on sight. And I'd know their history. And while it can be difficult for people to give you sympathy everywhere you go, even when you aren't thinking about it, it would be so much more difficult for everyone to look at you and know even a fraction of what you have been through.

    So I am not without understanding of feelings Michaela might possibly have, and of course I want to convey that and let her know that I would do whatever I could do help her. That's why I actually offered to be able to do an anonymous identification through fingerprints. If I knew she was out there, alive and okay, even if she chose not to come home for whatever reason, it would make a world of difference to me, you know?

    What angers me is that there is a person who is claiming to be an "advocate" who is apparently actively dissuading this girl from even finding out whether or not she is Michaela. And by the way, there is not one person involved here, but three. Those three people could all be the same person and could be a nut for all I know, but perhaps not. Only one person claims to know anything, and the others just know stuff about the person who knows stuff, if you know what I mean. Some or all could be totally innocent and want to do nothing but help. But as I said, it's all anonymous here on the internet, so I don't know who anybody is, and even though I suspect that there is nothing to this lead, except perhaps some confused people who are not Michaela, I'd really just like to be able to get to the bottom of it. It would be such a terrible tragedy if Michaela was out there and I wasn't able to reach out to her! But I'll tell you, what a CRUEL, CRUEL joke it is if someone is making this stuff up, and how equally cruel for them to just simply not allow us to find out the truth, and put all our hearts and minds to rest.


  12. well said sharon.i like the way you put it all in perspective.

  13. Sharon,

    I am so sorry for the pain and suffering you continue to endure. I pray that God gives you peace and comfort, and to Michaela, wherever she is.


    P.S. And to the person(s) claiming to KNOW Michaela, do what God would want you to do: Meet with the detective in person and give him your info to reunite this mother with her child she's been longing for, praying for, crying for, pleading for, looking for, waiting for for 21 YEARS!!

  14. I agree, your message conveys a great perspective Sharon. I will continue to pray for Michaela. Like you said, with the Jaycee case in full light, it is very much a reality that Michaela is alive and well, and for whatever reason(s), not knowing or believing she can come home or that she has options beyond what she is living with.

    Paula - Illinois

  15. "Fear of facing reality and living in what she has now is easier"
    that sounds like a plausible explanation for why Michaela would choose not to come home to you Sharon.Paula,Illinois,is right.if i was in Michaela's position i would be afraid to face reality too and all the notoriety that comes along after being discovered.i think i would feel comfortable talking to a stranger about what i went through while i was gone rather than to people i know because i wouldn't want to see them cry and go through all that agony.

  16. yes,you are absolutely right Sharon that you have to get to the bottom of this advocate story because "it would be such a terrible tragedy if Michaela was out there and I wasn't able to reach out to her".that's why.

  17. chandler,new orleansApril 10, 2010 at 12:16 PM

    lately,i have been reading and watching videos on YouTube about missing girls and about serial killers in america.i don't know why but most of them(but not all of 'em),like someone else had commented earlier in this blog,seem to be centered around California and Florida.what makes CA and FL a safe haven for these criminals to roam around freely and do whatever they wanna do and not even get caught sometimes? does it have something to do with their state laws because if it was then the respective state governments and law enforcement authorities need to wake up and tighten their laws or maybe even rewrite 'em.

    chandler,new Orleans.

  18. California would logically have the most cases since we have the largest population in the United States. We also have a better climate, so all the people are out and about and therefore exposed more often. And we do draw our share of crazy people. I don't think it is because our laws are lax. I do believe child safety is a priority here.

  19. I agree with Sharon, CA is a huge state compared to many. Here in Illinois you don't hear of many cases. However, I'm hugely protective, which thankfully my kids have accepted. We live on a court, and I don't let them venture too far, unless in a group. Mind you my husband and I have 6 kids. So we require them to stay together or else. They know why and understand their mothers misgivingss.

    Sharon, I hope this can come to an end soon. You and Michaela deserve a reunion or closer.

    Paula Illinois

  20. Thanks, Paula.

    So for those of you who are interested, here is a link for missing children by state: Illinois actually has a higher per capita rate than California, with a population of 12 million compared to 36 million, and missing children count of 132 to 361. Don't forget, missing children include runaways and parental abductions. And these statistics DON'T include murdered children, or abused children.

    And even if there is only one missing child in your state, it's too many ... especially if that one child is your child.

  21. Your right sharon, if this person is not a nut case then the only way this person could be absolutely sure that this person is michaela is if they kidnapped her. Or if they knew the person who kidnapped her. If its the person wh kidnapped her I doubt they would leave messages like this so its more likely to be a person who knows what happened and know the kidnapper and is perhaps feeling guilty and wants to do something but is too scared of getting in trouble. So they've made up some crazy story. If thats the case I want to tell this person(s) that what they are doing is beyond wrong and cowardly and pathetic. THE TRUTH ALWAYS COMES OUT. So instead of waiting till that day- just face the music because society will be a lot more understanding if you admit your crime and set michaela free. Do the right thing, finally. May be you will be forgiven. But if you drag this out till the day your finally caught they will regret it. Even if you've done nothing to help michaela or sharon these past 21 years, maybe that could be forgiven if you just set them free now. Imagine if Nancy Garido came forward herself before they were all caught out, i truly beleive the world would be a lot more sympathetic towards her (she even gets some sympathy from people despite her huge involvement in the crime). In terms of prison sentences, well even though thats what you deserve and thats the justice michaela and sharon deserve, coming forward and confessing will definatley get your sentence reduced. So whoever you are, do the right thing for everyone- including yourself.

  22. I wish all you anonymous people would just make up a name to sign to your posts so I could address you, but this is to the last anonymous commenter.

    You could be right, of course, because I know nothing about these people or who they really are. But I just kind of take them at face value, and based on what they have said they would not be involved in Michaela's kidnapping. They just came across her, and based on their own assumptions they have reached the conclusion that this young woman is actually Michaela.

    So as I have said, I doubt that their assumptions and conclusions are correct. If I didn't doubt it, I'd be climbing the walls. But meanwhile, it is something we really need to have resolved one way or another.

    And just so you know, this is not the only potential Michaela we have come across in this last year.


  23. you are absolutely right Sharon.we need to have this advocate story resolved one way or the other because we don't want to find ourselves later on whining,"God,we came so close to finding her but we just let it slip away".we will never be able to forgive ourselves should we ever find ourselves in that we absolutely have to get to the bottom of this story.even if it doesn't turn out to be Michaela in the end at least we will be satisfied that we didn't leave any stone unturned.or who knows,following up on this lead,we could be recovering some other girl just like Michaela who went missing a long time ago.

    after Florida cracker mentioned Susan billig i looked her up and read the whole story about her daughter Amy billig who went missing in Florida hitch hiking to her dad's office.her mom Susan traveled cross country as far as Tulsa,OK and Seattle,WA following up on leads about her daughter.she never neglected even a single lead and followed up on every single one of them parallely while her detectives were investigating.even though she passed away in the end not knowing what ever happened to her daughter,at least she must have died in peace satisfied that she did the best she just keep up the efforts Sharon.don't worry;we are all here to support your efforts.our prayers will never go waste.

    chandler,new Orleans.

  24. This person has got to be a crackpot who is loving all of this attention. I don't know any of the details but I just have to think there is one person making all of this up and that it is a sick sick horrible person.


  26. chandler,new orleansApril 12, 2010 at 2:00 PM


    if you are out there somewhere reading this i would like to make a small plea here to you.

    honey,please return home to your have been gone long enough now,honey,that it's time for you to return home.there is nothing in this whole wide world or outside of this world that could have ever happened to you in the last 21 years that should make you feel ashamed of or embarrassed about to return could have been drugged,raped and tortured but you don't have to be ashamed of any of that because we all know that you didn't choose to do any of were forced to do all didn't have a was all beyond your capacity to stop were a small kid for God's there is nothing to be ashamed you know how may children there are in third world countries who go through that all their life just to survive in this world? but you don't have can end it all right don't have to tell anyone,ever,what happened to you in the last 21 years,not to your mom,not to law enforcement.all you need to do right now and all that we are all asking for you do right now is just call 911 or just figure out a way to escape from that hell hole and go home to your mom which will be like heaven on earth for you when you must now be a 30 year old adult and this could very well be within your capacity to please least make an attempt to reunite with your mom.

    if not for you,at least for the sake of your mom.please end that poor woman's misery.that would be the greatest gift you or anyone else could ever possibly give her right now and for the rest of her life.please try to put all that happened to you so far behind you and try to start a brand new life all over have the best mom in the whole wide world and beyond and a great home just longing for you to return at Hayward, know,i don't know if you have ever realized this,or may be you do,but your mom is one of the best moms any kid in this world could ever ask for.or who else would have had the patience and faith to hold on for 21 years looking for you honey? just think about it.i don't know if my mom would have held on this long if i was ever kidnapped.that's not to say that she is not one of the best.she is and i love her more than anything else in this world.but your mom,that poor lady,has been through a lot all these years honey and being the best mom that she is,she surely does not deserve to suffer any more like this.will you please find it in your heart to do that for your mom honey? please......

    i pray that God should give you the courage and boldness to not feel ashamed or embarrassed about how you spent the last 21 years of your life and just go back to your mom without any further may not be easy but it will all be totally worth it in the end,both for you and for everybody else in your family longing for you.

  27. To IND and abused academic, yes we have thought of that.

  28. What does "To IND and abused academic" mean?

  29. IND and abused academic are readers who posted comments about the investigation that I didn't think everyone needed to read, but I wanted to let them know that I'd received them.

  30. oh,ok.Thanks for the clarification Ms Sharon.

  31. Dear Sharon,

    Please don't take any offense to what I'm about to say. Because I really do hope for the best for you, and pray to God, that Michaela comes home safely to you.

    But, have you ever considered that there is a deeper, darker reason that your daughter has not come forward? I know that it is almost blasphemy to say this, but, perhaps your daughter, herself, has turned into a pedophile. Sometimes these children have been so abused that they forget the difference between right and wrong, and what is considered 'normal'. They themselves, end up becoming the abuser.

    I pray to God that this hasn't happened to Michaela, but it's something to consider.

    Also, I'm not sure if you have ever come across this or not... But there are some people who believe that a mass conspiracy is behind a lot of the child abductions in America and across the world. I'm not for all the "conspiracy theory' types, but sometimes, the truth is hidden in plain view... while not plausible, it's still possible. I'd recommend looking up the "Franklin Scandal", and the "Johnny Gosch " case...

    As a Christian, you may find the book by Senator John Decamp, "The Franklin Cover-Up: Child Abuse, Satanism, and Murder in Nebraska" relevant because you can begin to see how these abductions and abuse cases have a very spiritual side to them. (for the war we rage is not physical, but spiritual).

    I know that you somtimes choose which posts to publish. I hope that you'll publish this post, even though it may hurt.

    God Bless you and keep you. In Jesus' name.

  32. Aimee, it has certainly been heard of for kidnappers to turn their victims into "criminals." It is part of how they control them. "You can't go to the police and tell them about me kidnapping you because you would get arrested." I believe this happened with Shawn Hornbeck, in that he was used to help kidnap another child. I personally tend to think that Nancy Garrido, while not a kidnap victim, was controlled by Philip in this way. There are a lot of things these kids may have been forced to do that they may consider to be illegal or just plain shameful.

    As for them actually turning into these things -- I actually don't really think so. I think that pedophilia in women in general is so extraordinarily rare that you really never hear about it. Now there might be some anger issues. Hey, maybe she ended up killing the kidnapper. If so, I hope she wouldn't be afraid to come home, because I think that would be self defense. I'm not generally a believer that if you were abused you will become an abuser, by the way. I think that more often, you continue to allow yourself to be abused in various ways through your life -- again, at least with women.

    I am very familiar with the Franklin Conspiracy. I have to tell you that I don't tend to buy into it. It's not impossible, but there are so many flaws in the case that brought it to public attention that I tend to doubt it. The other case managed to bring Michaela into it by using the composite of her kidnapper, and they have claimed to have come by that composite in a number of different ways, which I know with absolute certainty to be untrue, and there are other things I've heard about. I can't even begin to fathom the motivation for ever making things up as has been done, but because I do know absolutely that this is true in at least some of the case, I just can't put any confidence in any of the other things they say.

  33. I really don't see why you have to consider the possibility of your child turning into a pedophile. Not only is that a very unlikely scenario, it is plain speculation that has absolutely no value and allows idle, vivid imagination to go wild for no useful purpose. Suffice it to say that she might be alive or not, and if she is alive she probably had to go through a lot of hardship, and hopefully she was able to survive. And whatever she had to go through might make her feel shameful, or it could be illegal, but that's really not her fault. She did not choose that lifestyle. If anything it is the society's fault for not protecting a beautiful flower. Speculating about conspiracy and satanism and pedophilia is cruel and unnecessary and VERY unlikely.

  34. I quite agree. There are so many thousands of scenarios I could go through in my head, and it is of no benefit for me to do that because it would just make me crazy.

    The only justifiable reason for raising possibilities like this is to answer any or all questions Michaela might have, should she be out there and able to read my words. Or if not Michaela, if any other missing child (or adult) should read this, they need to know that the world is waiting to welcome them with open arms and love, and not with judgment, for whatever they may have been through.

  35. "Or if not Michaela, if any other missing child (or adult) should read this, they need to know that the world is waiting to welcome them with open arms and love, and not with judgment, for whatever they may have been through."

    Beautifully said, Sharon, beautifully said! You are amazing!

  36. "You can't go to the police and tell them about me because you would get arrested"
    explains why Nancy Garrido helped keep Jaycee in lock-up during the 3 or 4 months in 1993 when Phillip was nowhere around but away in federal prison for parole violation.Phillip,the master mind controller,must have told her that if she went to the police she would get arrested herself along with him because she helped kidnap Jaycee in the first place which makes her an she must have been terrified to go the police.that's probably how he kept her under his control.

    rightly said.i totally agree with you on that one Sharon.

  37. Sharon,

    Thank you for posting and responding to my entry. You answered it professionally, lovingly, gracefully and graciously. You didn't get upset with me about asking a tough question. And I admire that in you very very much.

    As for Anonymous' reply to my entry, I NEVER intended it to be cruel. I respect Sharon much more than that. I also am a Christian that has much love for her.

    I happened to come across those "conspiracy" theories and books when I was reading about child abductions. I never said I bought into them, but at the same time, I am a Christian and do realize that Satan can influence people to do some very crazy and horrifying things.

    But you're right Sharon, women don't tend to become pedophiles, rather victims of mind control and stockholm syndrome. It was just something that is a possibility that I wanted to bring to your attention. Doesn't mean it's likely.

    Love in HIM always.


  38. Chandler, exactly right! And exactly why this judge in El Dorado County should NOT allow contact between Philip and Nancy Garrido ... and I personally think that he should separate their cases ... to free Nancy from Philip's control, perhaps give her a chance to turn state's evidence on anything else she may know about and get herself a better deal. (I'm really not happy about how that case is being handled in the courts up there, as you can probably tell. It's a good example of the CRIMINAL justice system, and too bad for the victims.)

    Aimee, it's okay. As I said before, there may be something Michaela ... or SOMEBODY ... is worried about there, because it is a technique that is used to control victims. So it's a good thing to talk about. And if I knew nothing at all, I'd give a lot more credence to the conspiracy theories myself. It's just that I've heard those same people say things that I KNOW not to be true ... I have heard them swear to the truth of things I know not to be true. And therefore, I doubt, you know? But that's just because there are some things I have certain knowledge of that the general public would not.

  39. Chandler, you are not reading what I've said. So read my last few comments and you will understand why I am not publishing your most recent comment. You cannot believe everything you read, and I'm not adding fuel to that fire.

  40. While I agree that female pedophilia is much more rare than male, I believe it is much LESS rare than people assume. The data from the US 2000 National Incident-Based Reporting System on unforced sexual abuse (McCloskey & Raphael 2005) has some statistics supporting this. I also think that because of the combined stigma on males when they report, the bias our society has towards females as being "nurturing" and "safe", and the bias towards sex crimes against males in general (A crime of a female teacher having sex with a male child or teen is viewed much differently in our society than a male teacher/female child) that female based sex crimes are under reported.

    The Sandra Cantu case was a good example of this. People were shocked that Melissa Huckaby, a female Sunday school teacher, would commit a crime on a child like that. Many people I spoke with had a hard time believing a man wasn't behind her actions even after she was arrested. Sadly,that was not the first case like that, nor will it be the last. Molestation is often about power and control, and women can go on to become molesters and abusers too.

    The only reason I spoke is because if Michaela were reading here, and had gone on to willfully do something like that, it seems that reading here about how "women don't tend to become pedophiles" and how it is "extraordinarily rare" and "unlikely" might not be very encouraging to someone struggling with these issues.

    Anyway, my point was that I think Aimee brought up a good point. It is not impossible that any female child subjected to abuse could later become an abuser herself. I think that if that were the case for Michaela, it would be important for her to know that she would STILL be loved and accepted, and that no matter what she has done, even if she went on to abuse others, she would be welcomed back home with open arms waiting to help her deal with it all. There are so many people out there, Michaela, who want to help you with whatever you are dealing with, and there is nothing that you could have done (voluntarily or coerced) that can't be fixed, no matter how bad it seems. There are so many resources available to you to help you get your life back if you could find a way to get home :)


  41. Eli ... you are a man, right? You are right, the Sandra Cantu case was shocking, BECAUSE it is so rare. Sexist it may be, but I do believe females are wired differently from males.

    Not to mention the fact that SO VASTLY MANY WOMEN HAVE BEEN ABUSED -- in the neighborhood of 25 percent or so, although it seems like more. It's not something that comes up in conversation regularly, but it seems that whenever it does you will find out that the woman you are talking to suffered from sexual abuse -- usually at the hands of a trusted adult. And these women DO NOT grow up to be abusers. Women take on the load of guilt for what their abusers have done to them. They may spend the rest of their lives feeling worthless, and as a result they may continue to allow themselves to be abused -- even by themselves, in the form of addiction to drugs or alcohol or food or whatever other self destructive behavior they can find.

    And by the way, I know some will not agree, but I define child sexual abuse as the sexual abuse of CHILDREN. Pedophiles are attracted to CHILDREN, pre-pubescent or barely pubescent. Consensual sex between a young adult and a teen, even with a fair age difference, just isn't quite the same thing, and that's what you are more likely to find women engaging in. This is not to say that it's right, but its psychology is completely different. It is not an act of violence, it is not done from a quest for power.

    The subject of becoming an abuser because you were abused just bugs me, because it just further abuses the victims. It puts them under a light of suspicion, makes them someone to be feared and not trusted. And that just is not the case. Of course Michaela will be loved and accepted no matter what has been done to her, and no matter what she has done. But I have to speak up for the millions of women out there who have suffered from sexual abuse. Society does not need to victimize them further, and especially not in my daughter's name. Even men, I think, get a bit of a bad rap in this regard. I think it's probably likely that most abusers were abused, but even for men I think that the vast majority of those were have been abused probably do not grow up to abuse others. I don't know about men, because I have never in my life had a conversation with a man about him having been abused and how it affected him. But I do have great faith in the human spirit, and I do believe that those who have suffered are also more likely to be empathetic and compassionate, and therefore more likely to go out of their way NOT to harm others.

    Just my humble opinion.

  42. Has the detectives ever hired a psychic? I heard sometimes that detectives do that.

  43. Nope, I am a woman :)

    Totally agree that women are abused more often then men, and that most do not grow up to abuse. Totally agree that female pedophilia is more rare, but increasing studies show that it is far LESS rare than most people think. Somewhere in the range of 10%-40% of pedophiles are woman according to most studies I've read(and I too am referring to pedophilia as being against children, not teens. Again, agree that teens are a different matter altogether) I would assume that 10-40% is a much higher statistic than most would have imagined. (And actually, I tend to believe the 10% is closer to the truth, but maybe I myself am falling prey to the cultural bias too) Wiki has some good info on these statistics under "child sexual abuse" and "pedophilia", as does the study I referenced in my last post (And before anyone has to say it, I am aware that wiki is not a reliable reference site, however, those two pages do link to a few valid studies on the matter in their resources). I could site you more articles/studies if you want them, I just don't want to fill up a ton of space with links. Every peer reviewed study I have found seems to corroborate those percentages, although if you know others that say otherwise, I'm def. open to reading them and educating myself further :)

    The last thing I would want to do is victimize victims more. I see why you would feel like it does that, and I know that there are studies out there that link pedophilia purely to physical brain differences. I also know that there are equally as many studies linking it to past abuse, biological causes, and genes. More than likely, it is a perfect storm of a variety of factors combining. Like most areas of psychology, seems the jury is still out on this one, and we still have tons to learn to be able to understand the roots. If they were able to definitively prove that there is a link to past abuse and pedophiles would you still feel as if it were victimizing victims? I guess I just think that by not addressing that there might be a link in some cases to abused become abusers, in a way, to me, it victimizes them too. Kind of like, if you were to get dissociative identity disorder as a result of childhood abuse, yet everyone denied that the two were linked. It sort of negates a possible, probably rare, consequence of abuse. I guess I see (some) pedophilia in the same way. A mental disorder that SOMETIMES results from past abuse. Not always, and probably not most times. And not that it would excuse it in any way, bc it is still a choice.

    I also agree with your whole statement about most growing up to go out of their way to not abuse. I think most survivors of abuse are very strong, amazing people. I really appreciate how open you are to different views, although I actually think that on most points, our views are pretty similar :)

    Anyway, this discussion has veered your comment section away from its intended focus-finding your daughter & getting her home, so I'll drop the subject & just say that I hope she makes her way back to you! You are an inspiration, thanks for having this blog and allowing us all to follow along.


  44. Just realized that some of the higher statistics sited refer to female/male combination cases. So it looks like the 10% is a closer percentage for females acting alone crimes, as far as I can tell. Just wanted to correct that, sorry if anyone was misled by it!


  45. Well, 10 to 40 percent doesn't sound like a viable spread statistically. It goes from barely any to almost half. The statistics aren't really going to sway my basic belief on this, though. I know it does happen, rarely. I also know that women get accused of this when it is actually a man who is the perpetrator -- like Nancy Garrido, for example.

    Just out of curiosity, Eli, what do you do for a living? I'm a paralegal, and it's my natural inclination to gather evidence and prepare persuasive arguments! So I'm gonna drop this now out of sympathy for all the rest of the readers here!

    But to answer your previous question, regarding victimization of the victims ... it's like, if people really believe that those who have been abused are likely to be abusers, and you know your neighbor had been abused, would you be reluctant to let your child spend the night there? I suppose I thought of that one because there was one occasion after Michaela was kidnapped when my son wanted to have a friend spend the night, and the friend's dad initially said no, because he thought we might all be unstable because of what had happened, that maybe we'd all commit mass suicide in the middle of the night or something.

    I really do have faith in the ultimate strength of the human spirit. Some people walk into the darkness and never walk out, but most do not. Most grab hold and pull themselves out, and they end up all the stronger for it.

  46. If I may...

    I disagree that Eli and Sharon need to discontinue their "conversation" for the sake of us readers. I, for one, enjoy the dialog and hearing others inputs. Also, you never know when one might have an "ah-hah" moment.

    At that, I, too, am curious about what Eli does for a living.

  47. To anonymous, regarding the detectives hiring psychics, I think that only happens on TV. They have worked with psychics who have offered, however. There is one woman who has worked on the case quite a lot over the years, and has been one tenacious private detective, getting into places and getting the most amazing information from people.

    Believe me, no stone has remained unturned. Over the years I have personally talked to dozens of psychics. And there has actually been some interesting information that has come from there, which has come to line up very intriguingly with some of our best leads. Perhaps one day if the case is solved, we will be able to see where some of that information was correct. Unfortunately, it's not generally something solid enough to lead to a person or place, and even if it was, you'd need evidence to make a case, not just a psychic hunch. There also has not been a tremendous meeting of the minds among psychics in general.

  48. Chandler, if you want me to respond to you personally, send me your e-mail address and I will. I really prefer not to talk about this on a public forum, but I will just say that a lot of what you have read is untrue and misleading, totally apart from what you mentioned.

  49. Theres lots of other trouble Michaela could have got involved in which may cause her to feel too ashsamed to come home including drugs, alcohol etc. Or like shawn hornbeck she may have been forced in to committing a crime, robbery, kidnap, murder even?

    One thing is very likely though and that is that like jaycee, Michaela could have gotten pregnant at a young age like 13, 14. And so maybe shes embarrassed about that. One of the things she must remember is the fact that her mother (and father?) were christians so she may feel like they will be disappointed in her. And considering shes 30 now, her children/child could be possibly be 17 now!?!? May be she finds it awkward turning up on her mothers doorstep with a teenage kid(s).

    Or may be shes just set up home with the kidnapper and her kids (like jaycee) and is content, maybe even happy? (though she deserves much more). Perhaps shes scared of her kids finding out the truth. She probabaly is worried that her kids will be hurt/compromised somehow. Anyway, whatever the truth is I want michaela to know theres nothing in this world that could shock or disappoint anyone ESPECIALLY not your mother or father. They love you too much and they know, we know, the police, the whole world knows that whatever has happened NOTHING is your fault. And if you do have babies, they deserve better too and they will have a better life with you if you come home.

  50. I just have to share my opinion that the purpose of this blog is to help find Michaela and to offer Sharon support. This is NOT a forum to imagine endless dire possibilities, especially if so doing could cause Sharon further pain. This lovely woman has been living a nightmare for years and is open and willing enough to share her feelings with us. We are richer for her sharing of her talented writings about her feelings. I would like to ask that the posters here be respectful of Sharon. Please say what's truly helpful and consider that hypothesizing outlandish outcomes -- which bear no evidence in reality -- does nothing to further the investigation, and to my mind is inappropriate and hurtful. Please remember this is Michaela's mother's blog, not a true crime forum. Thanks.


  51. PV, I think that everyone has done a wonderful job of letting Michaela know (if she is reading this) that there is NOTHING that has happened in the past that will lessen the great love her family and everyone who knows her has for her. She can come back to her family feeling confident that her future will be taken care of and 21+ years of love will be heaped on her. I don't think that it would have been possible for Sharon to write any of this, but it definitely is not meant to be hurtful.

    I pray with all my heart that all the obstacles that are standing between finding Michaela and the answers that her family seeks will be removed.

    Sending you good wishes, Sharon and Michaela!


  52. I have to say that, while I think I understand that you people have good motivations, I agree with PV. The conversations in here these last few days have been disturbing to me. I think it's sufficient to tell Michaela that NO MATTER WHAT has happened in the last twenty-one years, I love her and accept her fully and wait for her with open arms. I really honestly don't think it is necessary to speculate on just what horrible things may have happened. Honestly, the chances of Michaela having become a pedophile are like slim to none, and personally I think that for her to be sitting there reading that people think she might have would probably be more disturbing to her than comforting.

    So I continue to have faith in your intentions, but honestly, let's just focus on the unconditional love and not on the dozens of horrible possible scenarios our minds might be able to conjure if we let them.

    Thanks all.

  53. This must be the record blog on number of comments - so I will continue the record. I agree, it is a sweet blessing to peer into Sharon's heart and writings. Recently, I've been looking for a counselor to help me with my own personal pain, but it has been hard to find a fit. However, the writings and wisdom of Sharon have been very helpful and better connected me to my own pain. Despite a very different life story, there are still common parallels on love and pain.

    I really appreciated the last couple of posts as well, but my most favorite recent post was Dear Michaela(Hope Revisited)sharing more about Michaela and her girliness. My heart danced with Michaela's as I learned how much she liked to dance - it was neat to read the anonymous comment from someone who remembered Michaela and her friends singing and dancing to the radio! But I guess there is sadness too, because Michaela's days of being a girl were cut short by this horrible crime. I wince when I think of what Trina witnessed - a 2 minute crime that is still unsolved 21 years later. And the reality of this crime is 21 years of nearly unbearable pain for Sharon, Trina, and Michaela's family. Another reality - where is Michaela? She was just busy being a girl!!! Why this precious girl?

    Sorry to venture off on this topic, but I just wanted to say THANK YOU Sharon for pouring out your heart in love for the world to share. THANK YOU Sharon for carefully reading all of these comments despite the repeated questions and varied speculations. Many people have already said they love your mother's heart. I LOVE your mother's heart. You have really been through too much for the past 21 years. You do so much for your little girl and you never, never, never stop!!!!!!! And you know, God does the same for us and you are a wonderful reflection of God's heart.

    We do have a lot of human hearts and minds on this blog, and perhaps there are some who hope to have the answer. When I first learned of Michaela's case, I hoped to find a solution too. So I am glad to learn that the case has never gone cold and is actively worked by excellent investigators. I have a speculation myself, but it is probably something the professionals have already considered.

    So, let us all continue our hopes and prayers. Pray for Michaela to come home. Pray for Sharon to remain strong despite all this hardship.



  54. Thanks, Diana ... and all of you. I hope you find healing for your heart.


  55. Sharon,

    I opened a can of worms. Just know that I never intended to. I apologize to those who were offended. You're all right, this is a place for Sharon to speak to us, not for us to fill her mind with horrible possibilities.

    I never meant to do that. I was just trying to make sure that no stone goes unturned. And sometimes the craziest possibility is the one that turns out to be true (i.e. Sandra Cantu case). I dont know the ins and outs of your case, and what your investigator has and has not looked into... better to make sure you knew of that particular possibilty than keep it hidden to spare feelings. (just me- but i'd rather know all possibilities than not knowing one that might hurt and could be the key to getting answers about my child)

    Who would have thought 20 years ago that the Catholic Church would be under fire for all these pedophilic priests? The public just couldn't fathom or swallow something so horrific... But now, people are able to handle it and realize that crap like that DOES exist.

    Nevertheless, I have been praying for you even before I knew about you. I have been praying for ALL families with lost and stolen children. I gave birth to my first son exactly 11 months ago. And I pray every day nothing like this ever happens.

    Sharon, you are so amazing and really truly an inspiration. I don't think I could stay as strong and dedicated and hope-filled as you do every day.

    God bless you.


  56. Sharon-

    I really debated commenting any longer on this particular thread, bc I was afraid it would just prolong it, but I decided I couldn't let it go without an apology and a thank you to you. If you don't want to post this, I would understand why.

    I am so sorry if anything I wrote offended you or upset you, that was not my intention at all. I think there are lots of questions out there in the field of psychology that need exploration & answering if we want to find solutions, but they don't necessarily need exploring on your personal blog :) Honestly, a huge part of why I wrote in the first place is because I greatly value your opinions & feel you probably have more insight than most when it comes to real world experience & instincts. You are so open & honest with your readers, that it is easy to forget that you have boundaries & areas you may not want to discuss, & I am truly sorry for writing anything that took you in a direction you didn't want to go. The rest of the reason I wrote was for the same reasons that Aimee stated, I wanted to help (I guess it was in my own way, although I can see that in the end it caused more harm than good).

    Thank you so much for sharing the story of your son & his friend. Your family was already dealing with so much, it must have been terribly hard to feel like people who were your friends were judging your family for it. I am so sorry you had to go through that. I guess that people sometime do irrational, cruel things when they are afraid. I can see why you felt further victimized. As usual, your honesty is such a gift to us all. I think that after reading here, many people will find something on your blog that makes them question their own actions/beliefs, or that will teach them to see the world a little differently. I know that this blog does this for me on a regular basis, so once again, thank you! I look forward to continuing to read here.


  57. Eli, I believe that just about everybody who goes to the trouble of commenting on my blog does so from the goodness of their hearts. I actually feel hesitant to question or criticize things people say for that very reason. So I am glad that you were able to take my arguments and my statement of my feelings well. I have found so often in my life that people take disagreement personally and get angry about it.

    So thank you for taking it all in the spirit in which it was intended ... and thank you for allowing me to be me, to have my own feelings and thoughts, and accepting me anyway! You have no idea how much I really appreciate that!

  58. Just keep praying ,pray, pray, pray. Maybe this man this evil person if you can even call him a person has already met god and god is dealing with him, untill we know i pray we find answers. I will pray for you now openly here. Dear god Sharon believes in you so please help her, its said if 2 or more come together to ask something of you that you will answer, we see these exaples in the bible and i know you wouldnt do for one and not another,thank you for hearing us dear god, amen. To the person or persons who know where Michaela is we will never stop ever we are moving in on you, if you know where she is but you yourself didnt take her i would suggest you tell us, i will pray for those people too that they come forward, all my love, Kim

  59. I've said this before, but I think it warrants a reminder: If this mysterious girl isn't Michaela, she's someone who believes she was kidnapped from Hayward, CA. Maybe the focus should be on resolving her (Michaela's?) dilemma, first. We can deal with the crimes commited once she is safe.

    Sharon, I don't know how you aren't "climbing the walls" yet.

    God Bless!

  60. Well, Penny, instead of climbing walls I have unfortunately climbed down a few throats lately over the whole thing. But the girl actually believes she was adopted from Hayward, California. Some other person decided she was actually Michaela. Funny thing is that when she thought she was adopted she apparently wanted to find her family, but once she found out she'd been kidnapped, she didn't. Seems very odd to me.