So recently I've been getting veiled messages from people who obviously know more than they are telling. They may have actual information, or they may not ... I have no idea. And I will admit, I have absolutely LOST IT with these people lately. I am sick to death of the bullshit. People, if you have information, then GIVE IT TO ME!
And Michaela, these people are still, or again, suggesting that you are alive out there somewhere but that for some reason you don't want to come home -- that because of the things your kidnapper has subjected you to, you want to avoid ME. And no, I have to admit, I DON'T UNDERSTAND THIS. I want to be the all-understanding great mother here, but I am NOT. I am a mother whose child was STOLEN AWAY from her over twenty-one years ago and who has lived in hell over it for all that time.
Michaela, do you know who you are? I had told you, and I've written about it so many times since you've been gone, how could you not know? You were my first child. I had longed for you for years before I had you, and had even had to take fertility pills to get pregnant with you. You are the single person who taught me what it means to give your heart totally to another person. You taught me the real meaning of love, in its greatest joy and also the deepest, darkest depth of its pain.
When you were little you used to say "kee-ka-bah" for cookie, and "garba" for grandmother, grandfather, and garbage! You could name all the letters of the alphabet on sight before you were two years old. You learned them because we used to sit on the floor and pile up letter blocks, and said their names as we built the piles. You loved to dance and sing, to read and write. Do you remember your favorite movies, like "The Boy Who Could Fly"? Do you remember when we met the star of that movie while he was home visiting his family for Easter? Do you remember any one of a million things that are you?
Were you able to witness any of the search for you over the last 21 years? In the days and months after you were kidnapped, did you see the flyers posted on every tree, telephone and window? Did you see the billboards and the milk cartons? The TV shows and newspaper headlines? Even now, 21 years later, do you see all the many, many, many people who never even knew you who pour out their love to you?
Not least of all me.
Michaela, when you were little I used to tell you, "Be careful and take care of yourself, because if anything ever happened to you it would break my heart." And I know that after you were kidnapped in the midst of your own terror and pain, you would have thought about that. I know you would never have wanted to break my heart. So now, please, if you are out there, remember this! Remember when we sat and watched the news reports about Amber Swartz and Candy Talarico, who had been kidnapped the summer before you were. We talked about it, remember? We agreed that this must be the worst possible thing that could happen, to not be able to find each other, to not be able to help each other. And then it became reality for us.
If you are out there, Michaela, please, please, please end this nightmare. I realize there may be a thousand reasons why you wouldn't want to come home. I know there may be things you have been through that you don't want to talk about, and I'm not going to try to fool you into thinking you would never have to do that. But you would not have to tell me anything you don't want to. And I just want to say one more time that there is nothing you could tell me that would ever change my feelings for you. I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART AND SOUL AND EVERY LAST LITTLE BIT OF MY BEING!
If you even think you could be Michaela, it would be so easy to establish. Remember when you went to the child safety fair at school? They took a full set of your fingerprints, and we still have those on file. All you would have to do is submit a set of your fingerprints and we could know if it is you. If you wanted to do that anonymously, you could do that, just to give both of us peace of mind as to whether or not it is actually you. You could send them to my post office box: P.O. Box 55844, Hayward, CA 94540. Nobody ever checks that post office box but me (and I don't do it regularly, so tell me if you are sending something). But I can get them out and give them to the police, and when I get the results I can publish them here in my blog, or I can send you an e-mail, or call you. Then you would know. You would know for certain that you are Michaela. You would know for certain who you are and what happened to you, and then you would be able to make a fully informed decision about what you want to do.
And I would know. As it is, I really don't believe these people. They know someone and they claim that they KNOW this person is Michaela. But I don't believe they could know this with any certainty, and therefore to me you are still just MISSING. Even if you chose not to contact me, if I knew for a fact that you were alive, it would make such a big difference to me.
Above all, I beg you to PLEASE don't let anybody influence you. Please don't let anybody dissuade you from talking to me, or to our detective Rob Lampkin who is the nicest man in the world, and who I can guarantee actually loves you. These other people -- well, who knows what their motivations may be, but if they really cared about you, they would want only the best for you, and the best would be for you to at least have peace about who you are, and why and how you suffered what you have suffered.
Others have come home, Michaela. Jaycee Dugard came home. She has been well hidden and has had to give up nothing against her will. She is able to live in peace with her family. Shawn Hornbeck came home, and Elizabeth Smart, and they went on with their lives, even returning to school, living in society. If these people can do it, Michaela, it can be done.
PLEASE, PLEASE, just contact me. E-mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org. You can leave a voicemail message at 510-995-7085, although you'd have to leave a contact number where I could call you back, because there isn't an actual phone attached to this number. You could call any of the contact numbers on your website, www.missingmichaela.com. Send an anonymous letter, a photograph, your fingerprints.
Please! I'm begging you! Do not let these people manipulate you any longer!
I love you forever
I like you for always
As long as I'm living,
my baby you'll be