Sunday, May 9, 2010

The scent of memories

Occasionally when I come home, I will walk in the house and I will smell my mother.  It is a scent this house always held when my  mother lived here -- a scent made up of the cosmetics she used.  It has been well over six years since my mother was in this house, and it has long since completely dissipated.  But just occasionally, it is there, and I think perhaps my mother has just come to visit, just come to remind me that she is still watching over me.


Today, twice I had little waves of the scent of Michaela -- once a distinctive smell, like of the diapers she used perhaps, and once of a more general smell that just plainly reminded me of a late winter/early spring morning  in the house I lived in when she was born.  Both were very striking, and unusual.  Perhaps it was Michaela, come to visit me.


Oh how I wish I knew for certain what happened to her, whether she is at peace in another place, or still lost in this world. I can never stop looking for her, because if she were to still be alive, to give up on her would be abandoning her.  And I don't want to hear that she is dead, that she was murdered. But I just so much want to know that in this moment in time she is at peace, that she is happy.

5 comments:

  1. Dear Sharon,

    I totally relate to the scent of memories. Sometimes when I come into my home I stop immediately because it smells like my grandmother's house-the smell from her food pantry where she stored fresh vegetables and canned goods. My house never has that scent. First, it's too big and second I don't have a pantry! And crazy as it sounds, the scent brings me comfort because I begin thinking of her and the time we spent together. I hope the scents of Michaela brought you some comfort.

    Through your writing I feel your anguish. I am truly sorry for your suffering. I hope there's a resolution soon and you finally receive the answers you've been longing for for so many years. I will say a prayer for you and Michaela.

    Brenda

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  2. My mom talks about this often so i can relate, my dad has been gone for about three years now she said she smells him often, even in her car he was never in, she has bought it since he passed, i think they do come around watching us, checking on us i really do, all my love Kim

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  3. My 6-year-old daughter can describe the scent of my grandfather, Joe, who died 2 years (almost to the day) before she was born. She says things like, "He smells like my cedar box," and he was a woodworker. Or... "Did you know he can make a sound like a cricket?" And he used to do that.

    I know my grandfather's here sometimes. My 9-year-old daughter used to wake up laughing, and pointing to some ethereal being on her ceiling, whom she called Joe. Joe died when she was 4 months old, and at the time, I didn't have any pictures of him. Years later, when I acquired some, she picked up a frame, started laughing, and said, "Mama, this is Joe!"

    That said, I also have experienced certain aromas that remind me of people I've lost touch with...people who are very much alive, but whom I haven't seen in years. In particular, I have an old friend who lives about twenty miles away. Every so often, the breeze blows in memories of him, and I have to wonder if he's thinking of me, too, at those times.

    Happy Mother's Day to you.

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  4. i might be 10 but when i was at the mall in orlando i saw a girl short blond hair blue eyes and an man like 40 years old who kinda looked at her alot to make sure she was there and then later there was a kidnapping i think in the mall im not sure if that was her but there hope i help if i was a grownup and my child was kidnapped i would be sooooooooo sad hope i helped u

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