Thursday, July 29, 2010

I'm still alive!

I had a really nice e-mail from a blog reader yesterday.  She wanted to make sure I was okay, because I hadn't posted anything in awhile.  So I thought I'd share with everyone that I am still alive.  I have been working full-time for the last month or two.  Not only am I working five days a week, but I never have two days in a row off. So whenever it's my day off, it's been just long enough since my last day off that all the regular chores need to be done over again. And I have a long commute across the San Francisco Bay.  There is construction going on at the freeway interchange on this side of the bay also, so my commute is veeerryy long.

It is a very welcome blessing to have the extra work, but I am not finding much time to do the other things I enjoy, like writing, or even going to the gym!  :-(

I have, I must confess, also been spending a lot of time with astrology.  And no, I don't mean sun sign astrology. I started studying astrology close to twenty years ago, and I have found it to be extraordinarily enlightening.  I'd gotten away from it for years, but late last year I picked up an ephemeris, just out of curiosity to see what the planets had been doing last September, when the finding of Jaycee had turned my life so upside down.  What I saw was that transiting Pluto had been on my natal Mercury, and then onto my Venus.  I just couldn't have painted a better picture of what life had been like at that time.  So I picked up my astrological studies again.  I was able to solve a lot of little mysteries in my life.  Of course, astrology is not going to do anything magical, like reveal the name and address of Michaela's kidnapper.  But it does reveal something of the spiritual implications of things.  If you are going to be dragged down into the dark, it is always good to have a light shone on what it is you need to see there, so you can get what you  need to get ... and hopefully get on with it. Right now, I also have a ton of astrological charts to work on for other people, which is keeping me busy as well. I actually started a second blog, for the purpose of writing about astrology, but I honestly haven't had time for that either.

It has been good for me to turn my attention outward, to other people, other things, whether my work and my clients there or other people's astrology.  It is so hard to believe that in less than a month it will be a full year since my husband woke me up in the morning to tell me that Jaycee had been found.  It's been a very difficult year.  The other day I was realizing how astoundingly important the little neighborhood I work in has become on an emotional level.  You know, those places that become so charged with emotion that just going back to them overwhelms you with feeling?  I feel that way about Fairway Park in Hayward.  Of course, that is where I lived when Michaela was kidnapped.  But it isn't the house that I lived in that is emotionally charged so much as it is the streets.  The same in the area of San Mateo where I work.  I think that is because these are the places I went to walk when the heaviness of my emotions just became too much to bear.  I would walk, and discharge all those feelings into the air, and then they just stayed there ... forever, it seems.  I know that when I drive down Mission Boulevard through Fairway Park, there is a walking trail there, and it just literally covers me in emotion.

The funny thing is that even though the emotions were quite intense and unpleasant, the charge they left is one that draws me in with an almost palpably healing energy.  Hmmm.  I wonder why that is?  Well, I'd guess that it is because it is through those horrible experiences that we heal parts of ourselves we perhaps didn't even know were broken.  This is the one solid belief I hold these days -- the belief in the evolution of the soul.  It is not all for nothing.

I know that what you all want to know is what is going on with Michaela.  Well, I can tell you that the case is still being investigated, and just tell you once again that what makes solving it difficult is not that we don't have enough information, but that we have so much information that it is hard to get through it -- and so many directions to go in that it is hard to tell which ones are dead ends and which ones have a pot of gold at the end.  This doesn't mean we aren't still looking for people to give us information.  Hopefully, one day somebody will give us the little piece of information which will let us know just which of those several roads we need to move on.

Well, it's 7:00 a.m. now.  It's my day off, but it's time to get my youngest daughter up for the next to the last day of her summer theater workshop.  Thank you so much for continuing to visit my blog even when I haven't been here, and please remember this is always a two-way street, and I enjoy hearing from you as well.

God bless.

8 comments:

  1. I was actually wondering where you've been too on this blogger! remember, you motivated me to start mine. I agree, nothing is an accident and although we've never met, following Michaela's case and finding her group page and yours on FB has really given me a chance to learn about your journey and bring insight to my own life. I turn 30 this year and growing up in Hayward, I have never forgotten about Michaela. Connecting with you online restores hope she will one day come home :)
    xoxo

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  2. My love to you ~ again and again and again. Thanks, Robin

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  3. Anna, thanks for thinking of us, but there is so much untruth that I KNOW of circulating among the sources that you named that it is pitiful. It's a VERY old story.

    Thanks,
    Sharon

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  4. Thanks for letting us know all is well! I think of you often and find myself worrying if you're okay and hoping that maybe some news has come your way when you don't post!!!

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  5. Sharon - I am so glad you are well....and just busy, busy! I look here everyday....just in case. You are right - we can all write to you too! I know you have a lot of information on Michaela's case....but has anything come out this past year that you can talk about? Take care - Marcia

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  6. You are always in my prayers. So hard to understand why you have to go through all this for so long. You have a big heart and one day, hopefully very soon, you are going to be reunited with Michaela. Huggs Irma

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  7. hello Sharon, pls come on your blog more often. I understand your tight schedule and constraints, buh... so many of us feel a deep conection with you.
    Take care always.

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  8. Ireti, I will try. I have just been thinking the last few days that I need to start posting regularly, regardless.

    Thanks,
    Sharon

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