Monday, November 1, 2010

Dear Michaela ... remember what is true

Yesterday I got an e-mail from somebody who said she had been a kidnapping victim and had been kept by her kidnapper for a long time. She talked about the brainwashing that goes on, and how the kidnapper convinces you that your family doesn't want you anymore, and even that you aren't who you once were.... I told her that you know about those things, that we had talked about that in our conversations about child safety, and that I had told you that you should never, ever believe anybody who tried to convince you of those things. And yet I know that under the pressure of the circumstances, it is possible for all that you knew so certainly to come into question, for you to forget that you believed me, and for you to believe something else....

More than that, I am writing to you because there is something that happened a few years after you were kidnapped which is haunting me. Shortly after the second anniversary of your kidnapping, a man came forth who wanted to help find you. He called the Hayward Police Department, actually, and the detective there gave me his phone number. He wanted to do your astrology, to see if he could figure out what happened to you. So he did your chart ... your natal chart, your transits, your progressed chart, your return charts ... anyway, he would come over once a week and we'd go over this, and it took a lot of weeks. Then once your astrology was done, he offered to do mine, which took some more weeks. Then he offered to teach me astrology, and I accepted the offer, and that created a relationship that could have lasted for forever, because there is a lot to learn in astrology ... and he knew it all, even the most minute scientific and mathematical details which I never quite mastered.

During all this very long time of doing astrology lessons, we became friends. The once a week lessons became dinners and weekend trips to Berkeley to visit the bookshops. He got to know my kids. And on one occasion, he brought a camera -- quite a fancy camera, as I recall -- and took photographs of your brothers and sister, and maybe of me as well, although I can't remember. The pictures were taken at Hillview Crest, your school. People didn't have pocket cameras or cell phones in those days where they were taking pictures all over the place. Anyway, he'd said he would give me copies of the pictures, and eventually I asked him about them, and he just brushed it off and said, "Oh, they didn't come out."

Eventually, it turned out that this guy was not really what he seemed to be. There were a lot of things about him that I was able to eventually question -- no things that were really terrible, but just odd things that all put together caused me to ask question. And some other things happened as well. It turned out that he was more like a spider spinning a web, an endlessly patient spider. What his ultimate ends were ... well, we don't know.

In all the time I knew him, I had never suspected him of being involved with your kidnapping. We have an eyewitness, and a description of the kidnapper, which has allowed me to rule out a lot of people. I've always been thankful for that, because otherwise I wouldn't have been able to trust anybody ... and yet perhaps that has been a problem as well. After I had cut off contact with this person, he kept trying to contact me. Mostly he would send me things in the mail. And I had a friend he would call. All these things were presumably connected with his continued work on your case. Finally, my friend said to him, "You'd better leave her alone. She considers you a suspect in Michaela's kidnapping, and she is going to report you."

His response was the weirdest thing of all. Here we were, years after your kidnapping -- at least three years, maybe four, and he tells my friend, "Well, I have an alibi. I know where I was on the morning of Michaela's kidnapping. I was at the bank, and I have the receipts to prove it."

That was a red flag if ever there was one. I mean, who except a potentially guilty person would even know they had been at the bank on the morning of November 19th three or four years earlier, much less still be in possession of a receipt still, in order to prove it?

This guy lived on the other side of the Bay, and I now work on that side of the Bay. A few weeks ago, I saw a man walking down the street, and my immediate thought was, that is a bad man. Specifically, I looked at this guy and thought, he is a pervert, maybe a pedophile. There was another man with him, and then I looked at the other man, and I couldn't tell for certain, but the other man could have been the spider man who had invaded my life. He looked a lot older, but he would be a lot older.

And suddenly I started thinking ... I started thinking about how he had come into our lives and had learned things about us. And I started thinking specifically about the photographs. I thought, what if he had taken those photographs, and had taken the things he had learned about us, and he (or someone else) had shown them to you, to prove to you that these people who had you knew us, and that we were okay with them taking you.

Just the thought of that absolutely breaks my heart. Michaela, one thing that kept haunting me over and over again after you were kidnapped was the thought of you feeling abandoned -- the moment when you realized that help was not coming. That I wasn't going to save you. The thought of you giving up hope was crushing to me. I have said it now in a million ways in a million places, but the one thing you can count on always being true, Michaela, is that I love you, and I have never stopped loving you. If anybody took you and told you any different, they are lying. This is the truth, these words here. No matter what stories they may have come up with, no matter what proofs they may have concocted -- none of it is true.

I know that you were a fighter, Michaela. I know that you were smart. If these people invaded my life in order to help control you over two years after your kidnapping, that just proves it. But if so, it was a lie. And if you are out there, that fighting spirit is still there inside you. You were able to fight for the truth, because you knew the truth, and you still do. I love you. I have never stopped loving you. I have never stopped longing for you. If you are out there somewhere, COME HOME. You can leave a comment at the end of this blog, and it will come right to me, but it will not give me any way of answering you personally or getting in touch with you. But if you leave your contact information, I will contact you. Or send me an e-mail, at missingmichaela@gmail.com.

You remember that book I used to read to you guys? It was about a mother and son, and through all the stages of the son's life she kept loving him? Remember the words? They are for you ... "I love you forever, Michaela. I like you for always. As long as I'm living, my baby you'll be."

Please ... come home.

Love you forever,
mom

43 comments:

  1. Sharon, this last post is really heartbreaking. I am so sorry that people have taken advantage of your sadness in this horrible way, and how dreadful that you have had to imagine that a person could have been using 'friendship' to destroy Michaela's hope. One question — I assume this guy has been investigated by the police and they found nothing on him? It sounds very suspicious to me, but I guess there are a lot of oddballs out there who just do things for unfathomable reasons.
    Hoping and praying
    Alison from England

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  2. Alison, it's very hard to prove or disprove anything. There are a lot of weirdos out there, and we have a number on our suspect lists.

    Thanks,
    Sharon

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  3. I am Sitting here crying and praying for you right now! November 19th we will go take a picture of my Michayla putting a ribbon up in So Cal and send it to you. We will spread the word and pray that you somehow have some peace, even though that prayer seems impossible.
    Thank you for being so honest and open, sharing your pain with the world must not be an easy thing. We also pray you find the answers and that she miraculously comes home!
    Amber

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  4. Sharon,

    It is good to hear from you again - missed your posting recently. I started to wonder if you were trying to get away from this blog, so I am glad you are back.

    This man sounds like a creepy and evil spirit and maybe knew the kidnapper. I am so sorry he entered your life at a point where you were so vulnerable. I will keep you and Michaela in my prayers.

    It seems like the investigation is so close, and just no cigar! Hopefully, something will come up soon.

    Diana

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  5. Thanks Amber and Diana. Not trying to get away -- just a lot of things going on. I've been busy, it's true, and trying to regather my resources after a very difficult year.

    Sharon

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  6. Sharon,
    I remember crystal clear the day that your daughter Michaela was kidnapped. She was close to my own daughters age. I was devastated for you, for your family, and mostly for Michaela. I think of you often, and it is my sincere prayer that someday your little angel comes back to you. I am so pleased to have found this page, it helps people to not forget your little girl and to remember her and you in their prayers. I will keep you all in my prayers.
    Jodie

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  7. Dearest Sharon,
    I have followed your blog off and on for a while. You are able to express so clearly how you are feeling, I myself like most of your readers are able for a moment put myself in your shoes and feel what you are feeling and going through. All one must have been through all you have personally endure to truly understand. I do not mean to sound insensitive there have been a few times when reading your blog, I have thought if you understood the other side so to speak, it might help. Then again I wouldn't necessarily wish that kind of understanding on any parent! (Sorry I'm not sure I explained that very well)

    My father left my mother before I was born. My mom rarely spoke of my father and when she did it was always negative. I never saw a picture of him. My mom talked with me what seemed like a millions times about strangers and getting into cars with strangers! She even did the role playing stranger game, where see would out of the blue say some random thing and say what would you say or do if a stranger said or did this? She also did the whole what would you do if someone grabbed you do if a stranger grabbed you off your bike. I also remember one summer her taking me out to the drive way and opening the trunk of the car and saying what would you do if someone tried to put you in the truck what would you do? What would you do if you couldn't get a way and the stranger put you in there. I had my phone number and address memorized at an age most children do NOT. We had code words and signals the whole 9 yards!

    The summer I was 11, I was playing the neighborhood playground, when I was approached my a man I did not know. Even though he was a stranger, he knew me by name, knew my mother by name and where she worked, and told me she had been an a accident and she sent him to get me! Although he was a stranger he was friendly, convincing and knew way to much information. Once in the car he offered me a soda that made me sleepy. When I woke I was at a strange house locked in a room. I spent the first days screaming and kicking my legs and raising all kinds of hell. On the third day he came in and said if I didn't behave he would leave me there to die. When he finally brought me food, I refused to eat, mainly because of what happen with the soda. I was afraid I would go to sleep and never wake up! I went what I thought was almost a week without eating, he told me it was actually only 2 days! I learned quickly if I was going to live if you want to call it that I was at HIS mercy. I spent 13 years on survival mode! Had I not done this I would have died. 13 years of that life wiped out the 11 years I had with my loving mother. Many many of the loving, positive, memories of my mom, brothers and sister fled over the years of hell and torment I had to contend to survive. I was 24 years old when one day he finally opened the door and simply let me walk out. I ran out without any idea where I was or who I was. I ended up at a shelter, with resources there I was able to start getting my life together. I was free from my captor for quite sometime before I was put in contact with my mother. My mother couldn't understand then or even that much now ten years after the fact why on earth I can not remember all these childhood things from when I was with her. I realized that it was different with your daughter and it was a stranger who took her and not her father like in my case. Some kids remember all kinds of little things some on the other hand do not remember much or anything of all. Weather you post this publicly or not I will leave up to you. I continue to prayer for you and your daughter :)
    Megan

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  8. Megan, thank you for sharing your story. How long since you have been home, and have you found healing?

    I know there are all sorts of possibilities. For a long time I didn't think anybody would be able to brainwash Michaela, but I read the book "Perfect Victim" and realized they could. The worst thing of all about my story of the man with the photographs is the thought of anybody being able to show pictures to Michaela, to tell her things, to convince her that I didn't care about her. That thought just breaks my heart. It is bad enough that she had to endure whatever she did at the hands of whoever took her, but she should not ever have to endure the heartbreak of believing that the person she thought she could always rely on, the person she thought loved her beyond all things, had abandoned her. That thought is just so hard to live with.

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  9. Although my mother and I are much closer now than in the beginning, we both live in different states, and I never really did return home so to speak. I go for a visit from time to time, however never lived with her after the kidnapping. We talk by phone 3 times a week and email regularly we see each other at holidays and family reunions. With my mom the biggest step was realizing I wasn't 11 anymore and as much as she wanted to she couldn't kiss my boo boo and make it better and realizing there was no instruction manual for this kind of thing. We had to simply take things day by day and have realistic expectations of everyone. For me and many in my shoes even if you remember those early years, its trust. You have to learn how to trust all over again and generally its a life long struggle with trust.

    As far as the guy with the pictures you spoke mentioned. I'm sure the not knowing and wondering is hard, try not to let it consume to much of you. The sad truth is people that do these kinds of things to children find ways to manipulate and control the child without family pictures. I could be wrong but personally it sounds like the guy just had a sick way of trying to get attention. Some people like that are harmless. I don't mean harmless as in what they are doing is not causing any harm. I mean it in the sense that they are very sick people doing this for attention, they find a way to insinuate a way into your life and become your new found best friend. In some weird twisted way they think they are helping you by being your friend. Harmless as in they didn't really kidnap your kid or have anything to do with it. They are just sick twisted people who do very wrong things for attention. Don't get me wrong I completely agree what he did was wrong. There are all kinds of wierdo's out there that do wierd things, however it doesnt make them bank robbers, murders, and rapist.
    Have a wonderful evening
    Megan

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  10. Well, Megan, there are things about this person that I haven't mentioned here. As I said, I found out he is not a good person, so he wasn't harmlessly trying to get attention. He had evil intentions. The question is, how evil? That remains to be seen. I post things on this blog, but you know that when it comes to the investigation, I am severely limited in what I can say. This was something I just really wanted to get across for Michaela's sake.

    And as for you not being eleven anymore, none of my kids are eleven either, and yet I am determined no matter how old they are that I will kiss their boo boos, and maybe it helps them get better and maybe it doesn't, but an infusion of love when it hurts is never out of style, at any age.

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  11. For some reason I had trouble posting the last comment, looks like the first part of it is missing. I am sure that you are not able to comment on the investigation and I would never think of asking you. Of course nobody is going to know the situation with this man better than you. I was only making an obersvation, but what do I know. Your right love from a mother is a wonderful thing and never hurts. Many parents of missing children do fall into the mind set of still framing there child at whatever age they went missing. Unfortunatly this happend with my mom and I was just sharing my experience with my mom with you. I am glad to hear that this is a non isssue for you. You are such a loving mother! I will continue to pray for you and your daughter.

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  12. Well, I do not know what it would be like if Michaela came home, but I do have children ages (almost) 17 to 30, and I have to tell you that I really enjoy my children even more as young adults than I did as babies and children. So I think I would be more than thrilled to embrace her as a young woman. I would be sad for the years when I wasn't able to kiss the boo boos, because I hate to think of her ever having been in pain and NOT had someone there for her but ... well, I just love her. Always and forever, wherever she has been, whatever she has done, whoever she has become.

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  13. Oh Sharon.....how awful this must feel. I started reading this post and as soon as I got into the portion about him taking pictures of your family I had this overwhelming feeling of "oh my god" this guy is evil. I hadn't read any further and I knew how the rest was going to go. I know you can't share anything, but from a mom stand point....I feel strongly that whatever your gut is telling you, it's right.

    Paula - Illinois

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  14. Sharon,
    This is the first part of my post to the other night that for some reason didn't show up. I have a feeling maybe it was to long and cut it in half and for some reason posted the second half off it, instead of posting the first half so at least it would make some since. Don't use just love the internet sometimes? :)

    It has been almost 12 years since I was freed from my captor. I slept in the park and under bridges for about a week before someone told me of a shelter. Looking back I think some of the workers at the shelter that first week must have thought I was crazy when they asked about my life. The six months I was there they helped me get my GED, through a program that I didn't have to pay for. There was also a counselor there that I talked with almost daily. Because I didn't remember anything of any importance of my life before the kidnapping it made things more difficult. After 6 months at the shelter and completing the GED class they helped me find a half way house and a job. I was still seeing the counselor. About two months after moving into the half way house when the therapist was able to put enough of the picture together to figure out who I really was and had been a kidnap victim. My mom wanted to meet instantly, honestly I was really hesitant. When we meet it was done at the therapist office, this was because it was some place neutral, that I felt comfortable with and also had other people around. When my mom hugged me I remember feeling like I was being hugged by a stranger that yet in some strange way I knew but didn't realize it and at the same time I felt dirty and sick. The truth is my mom wanted her little girl back and I was a grown adult. Although the therapist tried to explain to her before she came out not to expect to much and that I wasn't a child anymore. The truth is when my mom showed up she had very unreal expectations. In her mind she was going to hug and kiss me and tell me everything was going to be ok and swoop me off to her house and it was going to be ok and the truth is it wasn't ok. Granted she was my mother and I on some level knew she loved me, yet she was a stranger. I wasn't comfortable going to live with this strange woman in her house 1500 miles away from what little comfort safe zone I now finally had in my life. For my mom it didn't completely hit her until that first meeting how unrealistic some of her thoughts were about me being found a live and being reunited with me. In the beginning the first few years things were done in baby steps and we built from there. Over the years I attend college and now work with abused children. I have found this to be very therapeutic and I know in many ways it has helped me heal. Those early years after being reunited with my mother I tried sharing bits and pieces of things that had happened. I treaded lightly with small things first, and she had a hard time handling those things. I do realize everyone is different. The truth is with my mom as hard as it was for her not knowing all those years and all the horrible things she ever imagined happening to me. The truth is not knowing the full details of everything that was done and I endured was much easier than knowing them. I have learned that most parents not all but most in situations such as this say they want to know every single detail however I have learned both professionally and personally when the opportunity arrives for them to know every single detail, they don't because it is just simple to much for them.

    Blessings to you. Hope today was better for you. :)
    Fondly,
    Megan

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  15. Megan, as I'm sure you can imagine, I have many emotional reactions to your story. I do recognize there is a lot of truth in what you say. I have said before that, if Michaela is not alive, I'm not really sure I want to know. Closure would be nice, but some of the knowledge some of the parents of murdered children have to live with are pretty horrible. Yet I have also felt that if Michaela had to endure it, then I should be able to -- that somehow if I wasn't able to save her, wasn't able to be there for her, that I should be able to learn of her fate and be with her in that way. And yeah, I'm sure there are people out there who might want to psycholanalyze this, but honestly the depth of my despair over my daughter suffering and me not being able to help her is immense. I've written this elsewhere in my blogs, but when she was a baby, I never once let her cry herself to sleep. I never, ever wanted her to suffer any kind of pain or sorrow without at least having someone to hold her and comfort her.

    Anyway. I don't know anything about you and your mom and your relationship, and i certainly could never pass any judgment on it. I would like to hope that if Michaela is alive that things would be different with us. I honestly believe they would be, but when I for the very first time, just a few years ago, came across a lead that could have led to a living, adult Michaela, who could not remember who she was, I did have to face those questions of what if she was alive and didn't want to come home.

    All people are different. After Michaela was kidnapped, the father of another missing child was fond of telling people to leave us alone, that we needed our privacy. But for me, that was not true. For me, I needed to reach out, I needed to talk, I needed to touch and be touched, and honestly the response of the community, of all the people who called and came to my house in those days, and all of the busy-ness, probably did a lot to save my sanity and perhaps my life. When I'm hurting, I want company, talk, love, understanding. But I know that other people don't. Other people want to be left alone. Well, I have to laugh because when my children who haven't been kidnapped are hurting, I always want to love them better, and sometimes they don't want that, either! So who knows?

    Either way, it doesn't matter. If Michaela is out there, she will be loved and accepted for whoever she is, and she will be given whatever she needs insofar as it is in my power to do that, whether it's to talk, or to be silent, to touch, or to be left alone.

    Thanks, Megan.
    Sharon

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  16. Megan, as I'm sure you can imagine, I have many emotional reactions to your story. I do recognize there is a lot of truth in what you say. I have said before that, if Michaela is not alive, I'm not really sure I want to know. Closure would be nice, but some of the knowledge some of the parents of murdered children have to live with are pretty horrible. Yet I have also felt that if Michaela had to endure it, then I should be able to -- that somehow if I wasn't able to save her, wasn't able to be there for her, that I should be able to learn of her fate and be with her in that way. And yeah, I'm sure there are people out there who might want to psycholanalyze this, but honestly the depth of my despair over my daughter suffering and me not being able to help her is immense. I've written this elsewhere in my blogs, but when she was a baby, I never once let her cry herself to sleep. I never, ever wanted her to suffer any kind of pain or sorrow without at least having someone to hold her and comfort her.

    Anyway. I don't know anything about you and your mom and your relationship, and i certainly could never pass any judgment on it. I would like to hope that if Michaela is alive that things would be different with us. I honestly believe they would be, but when I for the very first time, just a few years ago, came across a lead that could have led to a living, adult Michaela, who could not remember who she was, I did have to face those questions of what if she was alive and didn't want to come home.

    All people are different. After Michaela was kidnapped, the father of another missing child was fond of telling people to leave us alone, that we needed our privacy. But for me, that was not true. For me, I needed to reach out, I needed to talk, I needed to touch and be touched, and honestly the response of the community, of all the people who called and came to my house in those days, and all of the busy-ness, probably did a lot to save my sanity and perhaps my life. When I'm hurting, I want company, talk, love, understanding. But I know that other people don't. Other people want to be left alone. Well, I have to laugh because when my children who haven't been kidnapped are hurting, I always want to love them better, and sometimes they don't want that, either! So who knows?

    Either way, it doesn't matter. If Michaela is out there, she will be loved and accepted for whoever she is, and she will be given whatever she needs insofar as it is in my power to do that, whether it's to talk, or to be silent, to touch, or to be left alone.

    Thanks, Megan.
    Sharon

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  17. This post sent shivers down my spine. Wow. I say trust your gut here. Did you ever get to know this guy's family or other personal info about him? This is just too....I don't even know the word!

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  18. Megan,

    I wanted to thank you for sharing and let you know I hope you find healing despite your trauma. It is very traumatic, I'm quite surprised it didn't make the news like Jaycee and others, but I guess only select cases do. It seems like the common element with cases like yours is regaining trust (and a sense of amnesia on true identity). I would just want to encourage you to keep sharing your feelings with your mom - like Sharon, I would not want to pass judgement in any way, but I don't think your mom is disappointed in any way that you are not the same little girl. I am guessing you are probably still struggling to trust as well, and perhaps this affects your impression of your mom?I think distance might make things difficult - I feel my relationship with my brother suffers a lot due to distance - so perhaps the distance strains your relationship some. I remember seeing that Jaycee actually has therapists working with her and her mother, to help with rebonding because it had been so long. Your mom may also be struggling to deal with the pain of the situation. She did take a lot of precautions when you were a child - perhaps she suspected your father would try to take you? I hope you will continue to heal and reconnect with your family.

    Sharon, this is a different note, have you seen astrology blogs on your daughter? I found one and wondered if you were aware of it.

    Diana

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  19. Diana, do you mean the Forensic Astrology blog? I have published that one on my other blog, www.thewanderingjourney.blogspot.com.

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  20. Yes Sharon, it is from a Forensic Astrology blog. It may be the same one you are thinking of, but it does not sound anything like the one on your blog. It is much more negative sounding. Or perhaps it just seems extremely negative after reading this blog entry. I will email the link to your gmail account.

    Diana

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  21. Actually, I'll just send it via this blog.

    http://forensicastrology.blogspot.com/2010/09/micheala-joy-garecht.html

    Diana

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  22. Oh yes, that is the one I thought I had posted, but now I can't find it. Hmmm. I could have sworn it was somewhere in my blogs.

    It was pretty hard to read. I read it once, but I haven't been able to go back and study it. There are some things here that line up with some of the leads we have.

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  23. Previously posted, edited at author's request:

    When I read your post about your encounter with this man and the passing of two suspicious men, I wanted to claw through the screen. This is by far the most provoking blog you have written in my opinion. As insincere as this may sound to someone who doesn't know me, I sincerely consider myself an extremely intuitive person and this made me feel physically ill like nothing I have ever felt. For what it is worth, I have always felt uneasy about this case moreso than others. I feel that she may still be alive and there may be a connection to a much larger situation rather than an isolated kidnap/murder--such as profit. I know this post might sound contrived and silly, but go with your suspicions of this person and never look back. Follow it until you find what you are looking for. Nothing about this feels like a filler suspect. This was a form of mockery and control. He was calculating and manipulative. He was careful and experienced. He knew what he was doing.By having something personal of yours such as family photos, he felt that you were unable to create any trouble around him for fear of what he may do with the personal information he had--your photos, your address, your children's names. People who work alone usually get caught by their own "slip ups". People with supporters need us to break down the protection they have and catch them. When you are the closest to your answer, you will be more scared of that situation than you have been with others. When you are scared to pursue a lead, it is probably a good one.
    I had a dream the other week about Michaela. She was 13 years old and had a different name. There was a fairly busy city with lots of run down houses and doorways covered in curtains. There were several men and women around. It seemed like a multicultural area. I tried to get close to her to save her, but when I did, a man threatened me with a gun and I backed off. I've been haunted ever since by the fact that I did not go further to see where exactly she was.
    I know I sound like a an absolute crazy person and I apologize because I am sure you get psychic this and inituition that all the time. I'm not claiming to "know" anything. I'm saying that I have felt less passionately than this about things in the past that have proved to be true. You obviously don't have to take this as any form of wisdom, but please, please, please pursue this one strongly.
    The alibi is haunting. If he sent the other guy to kidnap her, he would need one. It is strange though, that it was at a bank, as one could conclude that the abductor may have been paid.
    You certainly don't have to post this, but if you would like me to not post on here you can email me at kim.place@hotmail.com. Please though, do not post my email. Thanks.
    Again, I know this sounds crazy but it feels very real to me.
    Please do not post the following, but my uncle is a pedophile and before we knew this, he infiltrated himself into situations where people were vulnerable: dating women who were vulnerable, staying with families who pitied him after his divorce only to victimize their child, etc. They like the control; they like to mock you. They want the upper hand.
    Everytime I talk or write about this, I feel like there is an eery presence around me (I know THAT sound crazy but since you are into astrology and spirituality I know you understand what I mean)
    November 4, 2010 7:51 PM

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  24. situation rather than an isolated kidnap/murder--such as profit. I know this post might sound contrived and silly, but go with your suspicions of this person and never look back. Follow it until you find what you are looking for. Nothing about this feels like a filler suspect. This was a form of mockery and control. He was calculating and manipulative. He was careful and experienced. He knew what he was doing.By having something personal of yours such as family photos, he felt that you were unable to create any trouble around him for fear of what he may do with the personal information he had--your photos, your address, your children's names. People who work alone usually get caught by their own "slip ups". People with supporters need us to break down the protection they have and catch them. When you are the closest to your answer, you will be more scared of that situation than you have been with others. When you are scared to pursue a lead, it is probably a good one.
    I had a dream the other week about Michaela. She was 13 years old and had a different name. There was a fairly busy city with lots of run down houses and doorways covered in curtains. There were several men and women around. It seemed like a multicultural area. I tried to get close to her to save her, but when I did, a man threatened me with a gun and I backed off. I've been haunted ever since by the fact that I did not go further to see where exactly she was.
    I know I sound like a an absolute crazy person and I apologize because I am sure you get psychic this and inituition that all the time. I'm not claiming to "know" anything. I'm saying that I have felt less passionately than this about things in the past that have proved to be true. You obviously don't have to take this as any form of wisdom, but please, please, please pursue this one strongly.
    The alibi is haunting. If he sent the other guy to kidnap her, he would need one. It is strange though, that it was at a bank, as one could conclude that the abductor may have been paid.

    Again, I know this sounds crazy but it feels very real to me.
    Please do not post the following, but my uncle is a pedophile and before we knew this, he infiltrated himself into situations where people were vulnerable: dating women who were vulnerable, staying with families who pitied him after his divorce only to victimize their child, etc. They like the control; they like to mock you. They want the upper hand.
    Everytime I talk or write about this, I feel like there is an eery presence around me (I know THAT sound crazy but since you are into astrology and spirituality I know you understand what I mean)
    November 4, 2010

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  25. Hello Diana
    Honestly there are quite many different types of cold cases that get solved every year that never hit the news. From both a personal and professional stand point I think it has to do with the individuals involved and whatever law enforcement officer's happen to be working the case. Personally I am grateful that the people working my case cared enough to respect my and my families privacy. I mean no disrespect to anyone however I'm very thankful my return did not hit the media, because of this I am allowed my privacy and am able to live a normal life. Some people in my situation have a 3 ring circus they literaly have to contend with the rest of there life because of the media spotlight that is thrown onto after being found. All because someone had the bright idea to call in the dogs and alert the media circus.
    It's not that my mom was disappointed that I'm not the same little girl I was when I returned. The truth is a large percentage of parents of kidnapped children still freeze there child at whatever age they were taken. So if the child was taken at 5, even if 50 YEARS have passed, the parent doesn't think O my 55 year old child XYZ, in the parents mind they are literally expecting a 5 year old to return to them! They litterally get stuck on the age, this is QUITE COMMON!
    It has actually been 12 years since I was reunited with my family. I went to therapy individually, and with my family for 6 years to the tune of $450,000! That the state did NOT pay for because of my circumstances!! I can honestly say I trust my mom and have no trust issues with her, or anyone else for that matter. I've never had a problem sharing my feelings with my mother since "coming home". However that doesn't mean she needs to hear me share details of being molested and how I was molested for years, or being made to eat cat food off a floor for six moths in order to stay alive and how those 2 particular events (out of hundreds much worse)made me feel then or now. Maybe there are some parent in the world that want to hear those things, however not all of them do.
    No disrespect Jaycee or her family. Unlike her I wasn't taken from my captor to my family and then started the rehabilitation process. I was freed from my captor, within two weeks was in therapy, and starting the rehabilitation process. Due to the way things unraveled I was free, in therapy, graduated from high school, in a half way house and working, almost a year before I was reunited with my mom! The truth is regardless of the distance I was a grown adult who had already started rebuilding my life. Yes once we were reunited we went through rebuilding together. This isn't the best analogy, however imagine a woman having a baby giving it up for a adoption, being reunited when the child is a grown adult, then the birth mom expecting to be mommy and having the grown child to come live with her. As I said not the best analogy however the closed way I can describe. No my mother didn't give me up for adoption, yes I had many, many wonderful years and memories with her, no she didn't willingly give me up, yes I was taken from her, yes she spent years wondering if I was dead or alive and imagined every horrible thing a mother can imagine happening to her child or someone else's child for that matter. However that doesn't take away from literally having no clue who she was years after the fact when being reunited with her. When in this situation you as I did realize on some level realize this stranger loves you, however that doesn't mean you are going to want to go live with her either! Some people like Jaycee, again no disrespect to anyone, maybe over the moon with going to live mom, however there are just as many people who are NOT.

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  26. My family and I are in contact however we are more like old friends opposed to the Brady Bunch family reuion, that well meaning people who have no clue expect. For every happy reuion like Jaycee, again no disrespect to her or anyone else, there is one more family going through the same thing and the ending is NOT like hers!
    I work as a social worker with abused children, am also an advocate. As I mentioned in my earlier post to Sharon, I know this has been very healing for me. I also share my personal story numerous times year, when asked to speak to schools, shelters, rehabs, therapist office's and even on the legislation level when whoever is trying to pass whatever law regarding some of these issue's. I have also had several books published.
    Each family in this type of situation has a different story to tell and outcome, and only the good lord will know how any of that will go for each of them. Although I do not know Sharon personally, I have much respect and understanding for her. She is living many of the same things my own mother went through. Knowing what my own mother endured gives my a birds eye view of what it must be like for Sharon. When reading this particular blog from Sharon, I felt moved to share briefly my experience with her. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on my experience. Sharon has created a safe place for us.

    Sharon, although I may not physically be with you on Friday, I will be placing a special ribbon for Michaela and lighting a candle for her at church that evening. If it is ok I will email you a picture of the little tree I am decorating for Michaela.

    (Sharon looks like my post got cut in half again. I'll try to keep them shorter in the future,)

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  27. Megan

    I live with P.T.S.D. nd I lived through brainwashing. I understand Stockholm Syndrome very well.

    I want to say, I am SO ELATED that you are home safe. I am also sorry that weirdo tortured you for so long. I can always feel your pain, as I live with similar pain. God be with you everyday. You are very blessed. I just love that you got out! Dang girl, I nearly died myself, you make me feel blessed, too:)

    Thank you for sharing.


    Sharon:

    So sorry for your daughter, No words can express the sorrow I feel for you and your family. It is an Evil world. I hope to God she comes home. Hugs and Kisses from Texas!!!

    God be with you:)

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  28. Megan - Thank you for writing me back and helping me gain more insight on what you have been through and how your experience relates to others. Everything you described is very logical and different people do react differently to situations. It sounds like you went through a lot (reminding me I need to be more thankful) and I am so glad you have found healing. I am glad you find this blog as a safe place- whoever thought a mom's quest for her daughter could turn into a place for others to heal???

    Sharon - I watched 22nd anniversary video and I really admire your strength and continual devotion to solving this mystery. I wonder if I was in your place, would I want to retreat, would I be weary, would I be out of my mind!!!!
    You are so committed to your daughter. She is lucky to have a mom who stands up for her - stay strong and I hope for an answer in the near future. .....do you know who the astologer is?

    Diana

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  29. Diana, you'd better believe I would rather retreat, lie on the couch with a pillow over my head, and I am absolutely weary. But I have to do whatever there is that I can do to keep my daughter alive in this world.

    I actually contacted the forensic astrology blog and asked them to do Michaela's case, if that's what you mean.

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  30. hello Sharon,

    ""I saw a man walking down the street, and my immediate thought was, that is a bad man. Specifically, I looked at this guy and thought, he is a pervert, maybe a pedophile.""

    Reading those lines reminded me of a similar experience i had last year Sharon.there is a Walgreens across the street from my apartment.one morning i was crossing the road to go to the store and i saw a middle-aged-man crossing the road in the opposite direction.normally i wouldn't have suspected him had he not stared at me the way he did.that's what grabbed my attention.also he wasn't dressed all that well.my first impression of that guy was exactly like you had.i thought to myself - this guy is definitely some sort of a criminal.there was something about the way he stared at me that made me suspicious.my second thought was that may be he was gay and was soliciting me for sex or a drug addict soliciting me for drugs.but he was definitely gauging me.that's for sure.after he walked past me i wanted to turn around and watch where he was going but i didn't want him to think i was gay.so i just walked away.

    this was the time when Jaycee lee Dugard was in the news and i was reading about other kidnapping stories including that of Michaela on the internet and so i was more vigilant than i normally would have been.

    i still remember his face.if i see him again in person or in the news i will certainly be able to recognize him if he is not in disguise.

    just reading those lines you wrote brought back memories that i thought i would share with your readers.like you said Sharon, there are all kinds of weirdos out there in this world.

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  31. Sharon,

    i know very well that this blog is meant for you and Michaela,so please forgive me for doing this but i thought i would write a few words to Megan.it's up to you whether or not you want to publish this post.

    Dear Megan,

    yours is just as heart breaking as any other kidnapping story.and to think that a father would do such a thing to his own daughter is even more sad.you are one brave woman.thanks for sharing your story with all of us.although i don't expect you to share every part of your story with all of us i just hope your father was punished by law for what he did to you and your mom.

    i pray God for you and your mom.

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  32. hello everyone,

    i don't mean to sound rude or insensitive towards anybody and i love reading every single one of your comments and, honestly, you have no idea how much i hate to be the one to tell you all this but please let us not forget that this blog belongs to Sharon and Michaela.sorry and thank you all.

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  33. hello sharon,

    welcome back.it's good to have you back.this story is just chilling.it's giving me goosebumps just reading it.i cannot even begin to imagine how you must be feeling.

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  34. chandler, new orleansDecember 1, 2010 at 6:27 PM

    sharon,

    although i do understand that you cannot share every single detail about this spider guy with us and i am sure you and your detective must have done everything you could but,

    1) i am sure you must have shared your suspicions about this guy with your investigator.did you have Mr. Robert Lampkin or the Hayward police follow-up or find out who this guy was after you realized he was not who he seemed to be or after he told your friend he had an alibi?

    2) and when he sent you things in the mail did it have a return address in the package for you to track him down although i do understand that criminals don't give out their true addresses.

    3) were you able to track him down with the phone number he gave you?

    chandler.

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  35. Chandler, of course I gave this information to the police, and of course they are looking into him. He had a P.O. box and for his address he just used the zip code + the P.O. box. But I knew where he lived, because I'd been there. And the police have remarkable ways of finding out about people anyway. I really didn't have to "track him down." He had insinuated himself into my life over the period of a year so I knew him as well as you can know a person like that.

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  36. chandler, new orleansDecember 1, 2010 at 7:55 PM

    1) does he still live in the same house he used to? and will it be possible for the police to make a surprise visit to his house and confiscate or seize the pictures he took of you and your kids? i wonder what his true intentions were.

    2) also if you are permitted to speak about it, any further developments along that mysterious, crazy, advocate lady lead you had mentioned a few months ago?

    chandler.

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  37. Chandler, it's been about many, many, many years since I've seen him, but the police do have their resources. Can't give you any more info on the investigation, except really to say that all avenues are still open.

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  38. hello Sharon,

    Not only are you writing to Michaela through this blog but you are also creating a platform for people like Megan and the other anonymous woman from Texas (who says she went through PTSD) to open up and share their experiences with the world.you are unknowingly helping other people.God bless you for that.your prayers will not go unanswered Sharon.God will definitely bring Michaela back to you.or at least help you get a closure.

    hey,just another thought.why don't you all start an online support group or something and help each other through? just a thought that crossed my mind.

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  39. I watched the profile on Michaela on nancy grace tonight. Very sad story indeed.
    This predator that befriended you in your misery after her disappearance-- did the police ever speak to him? Your hunch may have been right.. he could of had your daughter and taken pics back to her. I guess we will believe anything when we are in deep pain.
    It seems that the detective in this case is NOT pushing for info, re the Garridos. Have they been able to interview Jaycee Dugard as to whether she knew of another little girl?

    My heart feels for you. Keep hope alive.
    pat d. at the Jersey Shore

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  40. I think the only people who have been able to speak to Jaycee or the Garridos are El Dorado County and the FBI. You know, the thing is that we have soooo much information, running everything down is really difficult. Even in the beginning, investigators said they had so many leads that they had to look for a reason to discount one lead so they could get on to the others. I am sure that the answer is in the files somewhere. We just need to know which direction to focus all the available resources on, that that is very difficult.

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  41. Sharon,
    No amount of words, even if I took the time to write for a million years, could express the pain and sorrow I feel for you, your daughter Michaela, and all of your family. I am just so sorry this world has to have these evil, terrible things in existence. If I could help you in any way, I will do that. I saw you on tv this morning, and have to say, you are one BRAVE WOMAN. But I'm sure you wish you didn't have to be. I can only try and understand. I had a thought...if there are so many leads in the case and what you said, they have to discount one lead to go on to another...then why can't the people who want to help you, collectively get together to assist in whatever we could to get through some of the paperwork, etc that's involved in dwindling down the leads? I would be willing to help gather people to help you (im in north bay) and would even require everyone to be screened, etc. I imagine those that really want to help would be willing to do any necessary security screening to help you. I would. I hope this makes sense. I've shed so many tears this morning reading your blog. I hope you feel the prayers that come your way...and for your beautiful daughter Michaela too. Sending love your way,may you be blessed with many miracles. Chris

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  42. Thanks, Chris, for your kind words and your offer! But you know this is a police investigation, and the police have to handle it. There are actually a few volunteers who are cleared to work with the police department who do work on it, but because of the confidential nature of the work and because of the need to keep evidence in such a way that it can be used in court, it's not something well wishers can do. And it's not really paperwork. It's interviews, interrogations, background checks, that sort of thing. But I have faith in our investigators, because I know how much they care about this case.

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