Friday, December 24, 2010

Dear Michaela,

It is Christmas Eve. This is the 22nd Christmas that I have spent without you.....

I know I haven't been around here much lately, haven't written much lately.  This year has been a very difficult year.  It started out completely raw, filled with a grief that engulfed and consumed.  There is only so long you can live in that state, though.  Then you have to move into the denial, into the burial of the feelings.  Distraction, distraction, let me think about anything, let me look at anything except for this thing that is so dazzling, let me even feel pain as long as it is fake, made up, as long as it is not this thing that wants to swallow me whole.

If you are out there, alive, you probably know what I mean.  And if you are not, you probably have an even greater understanding.

This Christmas Eve ... well, I'm sitting here alone right now.  There are people home, but they are not here.  And I don't feel joy.  I don't feel excitement or anticipation.  I just feel sadness.  It's a time for tears.

I know ... well, maybe this doesn't help you.  Maybe I'm just supposed to be strong and yada yada, to make you want to come out if you are out there.  But the heck with what I'm supposed to be.  I only am what I am. I am sad.  I miss you.

Merry Christmas, baby girl,

I love you forever.

mom

10 comments:

  1. You are what you are Sharon, you are sad and so many other emotions and that is why I always say that what the families of the missing go through can only be called "nameless emotions." No one else knows this set of emotions other than those that have lived it. On this Christmas Eve I didn't want to click over and read what you wrote (I knew before hand what it would say), I didn' want to cry and I knew I would. As I sit here with tears I am glad that I clicked over. Love never ends and Michaela knows that and feels that wherever she may be.

    Blessed Christmas to you Sharon!

    Maureen

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  2. "If you are out there, alive, you probably know what I mean. And if you are not, you probably have an even greater understanding."

    You are such a good writer, Sharon. That's very well said.

    I'm sorry that you're in pain and are suffering. You should have never been put into the position you're in with a missing child. I wish you could parcel off some of your pain so that others could help carry it for you.

    Jennifer Benjamin

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  3. Sharon, I think about you and Michaela so much. I awoke this morning and just started to pray for you and Michaela with my whole heart. I pray that God will give you the comfort you need to get through another day and I pray that Michaela and you will be reunited so that your nightmare will end. Please hang in there and know that although you may feel alone, there are a lot of people praying for you. Merry Christmas and God Bless ~ Meagan

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  4. i think of you and michaela all the time, god bless you both.

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  5. Sharon, I've been worrying about you. I think about you a lot. I am sorry that you are in such deep pain. I can't believe that you have had to endure 22 yrs without her. There are no words. It's terrible that you felt alone on Christmas. I hope you are able to feel others that you don't even know praying for you. As I look over my words none of them look right or good enough. I just don't know what to say. Often I wish I lived near you so I could just give you a hug.
    Beth

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  6. I am from puerto rico, I am 22 years old and I want you to know I think of Michaela everyday, I pray for her and i know how broken youre heart must be because she is not at youre side. When i was nine years old, we couldnt find my 2 year old sister and we thought she had been kidnapped. We were all crying, screaming her name and luckily she came out. She had been hiding. So i know the feeling of thinking a child has been taken. Nothing on this earth justifies Michaela being taken but rest assured her abductor will be caught and we will know where Michaela is. If Michaela was taken by God, Know that she is now an angel watching over you and youre family.And there is no doubt that you will be reunited in god's paradise and never separated again. I still pray that she is alive and will come back home. Until then stay strong, my prayers are with you and youre beautiful daughter Michaela Joy. And she is indeed a joyful and beautiful angel, wherever she is.

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  7. Happy New Year Michaela and Family!! Somehow, I have a feeling this year will be a good one for you guys. Despite my busy world of school and work, I recently saw two cases on the news that put Michaela back on my heart. One was the Pennysylvania girl who went missing long ago (26 years I believe) and news indicated new information had been brought in. The second is the 23 year old lady who was kidnapped as an infant and recently reunited to her family in New York. It just seems so interesting that these cases found resolution after so long. So since you are going on 23 years of missing Michaeala, I hope and pray it will be the year you find her!!

    Lots of love and prayer,
    Diana

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  8. Thanks, Diana. I know I have been neglecting the blog here. I will try to get back to it soon, I promise!

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