The other day I spent hours writing a long blog, which I may or may not post. For one, I talked about some other people and out of respect I need to get clearance from them before I publish it, and for another I ended up just rambling on and never really reaching a point!
But this was the gist of it, since it is Easter ... I really miss being a Christian. I really wish I could just enfold myself in that fold and find all the answers in between the covers of a single book. I love the faith, and I loved even the intellect of it. But most of all, I loved the love. You can say what you want about Christianity, and I know that there are those who profess to be Christians who like to be judgmental and even carry signs, but I didn't know them. I was surrounded by people who radiated love and tenderness. I went to a church, not a small church, and whatever its faults, it was a deeply loving place.
The reason I left Christianity was that beneath all the love, there was ... well, they truly loved gays for example, but underneath the love was the expectation that they needed to change in order to be acceptable to God. Mind you, they didn't go around preaching to them that they needed to change. They figured God would do that from the inside out. But I knew a lot of gay people, and whatever other great things were there, I never felt comfortable inviting them into an environment that might love them but wouldn't accept them. Worst of all, the message was that if you want God to accept you, you had to give up your love. Because that is what it is, in case you don't know. It's not about sex. It's about love. I think the show Glee said it best ... sexual orientation isn't about who you find attractive; it's about who you fall in love with.
Not to mention all those other people who for whatever reason, cultural or intellectual, or just plain lack of consideration, do not believe in Jesus dying for them ... all those really good, really nice, really loving people are going to experience eternal torment for that failure to accept a historical idea? This just does not make sense. It's not acceptable. If it is really, actually true, then this represents the worst sort of a god, don't you think? It is such an odd juxtaposition that Christianity inspires such really genuine love in the hearts of its people (and it even did with me), while at the same time proclaiming a message that says most of the people in the world are headed for hell. There are a few other things that bothered me also, but these are the main things.
Perhaps there is another way to interpret some of these things, but if so I haven't found it. I've read the Bible maybe a hundred times. I wonder if it would be possible to read it from a different point of view and find something different in it? I know that there are churches which are welcoming to people with alternative lifestyles and accept them as they are without figuring they need to change, but I haven't explored any and I'm not sure that's where the answer lies anyway. So for now I will bounce around like a pinball, and wish you a Happy Easter anyway!