Thursday, July 14, 2011

Dear Michaela ... new phone number

Well, you have been on the news again, Michaela. Apparently the District Attorney from El Dorado County, where Jaycee's kidnappers were prosecuted, has said that he believes that Philip Garrido was responsible for your kidnapping. So we have had reporters calling, or just stopping by the house, for an interview.

I really don't like these interviews. I don't like to be on television, and it's always difficult ... they want to stop by while I'm at work, which I can't be doing all day long, or even at home, where we have two dogs who bark like crazy at strangers ... especially strangers with equipment! But I do it. I rarely say no ... perhaps twice in all these years. There is the standard wisdom, like our police department tells me, to get your name and face out there, so maybe that one person who knows something will see it and be moved to call in the information they have. That's never something I've felt down in my bones, though. I mean, we have tons of information on your case. We could use a little help sorting through it and figuring out which is the right piece of information that can lead us to you. And I guess I figure that over 23 years, that right person has had plenty of opportunity to come forward. So it's a good reason, but it's not the reason.

Yesterday, I figured out why I do it, what it is that I feel down in my bones, in the center of my heart, that makes me do this. It's two things. First, it is in case you might be out there somewhere, in case you might see me on television and know that I am still looking for you, I am still missing you. But I think the main thing is that I am just absolutely driven to keep you alive. If you are alive, people need to remember you so you will be found. But even if you weren't, you are just so special, so beautiful, such a gift to the world, that I just have to keep you alive by keeping you alive in people's memories, in their minds and hearts.

So Jaycee's book is out now. I have it, but I haven't read it yet. Libby is reading it right now, and I will read it later, if Libby says it is okay for me to read.... But I've listened to her interviews. It has been so enlightening. She was asked why she never tried to escape, and she said that she didn't know, that it just "wasn't an option." And you know what? That's okay. Nobody could ever hold it against her. And nobody would ever hold it against you, if you are out there. Well, if you get a chance, maybe you could read Jaycee's book, "A Stolen Life." Jaycee found in the end that all her fears were illusions, and that escaping from her kidnapper's grip was nothing but good, that she was safe, even though her kidnapper had told her that she wouldn't be, that she was loved and accepted, that her children were loved and accepted.

Just like you would be.

Well, every time I write to you, I tell you that you should e-mail or leave messages on the internet, or leave a voicemail somewhere. And it always seems so inadequate. So today, I got a telephone, just for you. The phone number is 510-461-0470. (As for everyone else out there, if you have actual information about Michaela, you can use this number also, but if you just want to chat or to express your feelings, I'd really appreciate it if you would e-mail me, or leave a message here or on Michaela's facebook. I promise I really do read all the messages that are sent to me, and I actually try to answer all of them pretty quickly as well.)

I have to tell you, it seems impossible sometimes, that you could be out there. It seems like a dumb thing to do, to go and get a phone for you to call. But you are alive to me. You will always be alive to me. You know, a reporter came to my office to interview me today. Nobody is surprised to find photos of you in the house. As I sit on the couch, there are seven photographs of you straight ahead in my line of sight, and of course there are more scattered in other parts of the house. But in my office, there are three in my little cubicle, and two missing flyers in the lobby ... on in English and one in Spanish. And in the lobby there is a business card holder which holds cards with photographs of you and a listing of your website and my blogs. And you are not just photographs. You are just so much here, so much with me, all the time.

But what is wrong is that I am not with you. I want to be there for you. I want to hold you when you cry, and laugh with you when you are happy. I want to be able to love away every bit of loneliness and fear and sorrow that you have suffered. I want to give you all the love and comfort I have been holding onto for you for almost 23 years now. I know that's a big thing. Like Jaycee's therapist said, there are things that her kidnapper took from her that she will never get back, but she has taken back so much of what she had lost, and he can never take that from her again.

That is what I want for you. And it is possible, Michaela. It is. Just call me. Just come home.

Love you forever,
mom

8 comments:

  1. I'm anxious but looking forward to reading the book. I was very hesitant at first but I read all the comments on Amazon and a lot are very positive about the book and are assuring that the graphic stuff is only a small fraction of the book. But I can see why the rest of the book emotionally might be upsetting for you to read. It made me think if all of those reviewers (many of which are mothers) can get through that book than certainly I can too which gave me reason enough to go ahead and order it today. I hope you give it a chance regardless of what might be in it.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I watched Jaycee on TV and was so shocked at how strong she is. She is a true inspiration. I truly hope Michaela is found safe and is brough home to you soon.

    What has made me so mad in all of this, is the judge stopping all other law enforcement from talking to the Garrido's........what are they trying to accomplish in this? it boggles the mind and tells me we give Judges too much power!

    Out of all of those thousands of leads.....MAYBE the investigators will hear one word, or line from Phil or Nancy that ties up the loose ends and brings Michaela home safe.
    With some of the people that the Garrido's interacted with, MAYBE Michaela is hiding in plain sight, just like Jaycee was.

    I think your wonderful Sharon and a true warrior!

    ~Rod

    ReplyDelete
  3. My heart so breakes for you. I don't even want to imagine my lil boy being taken and you have to endure it everyday for the last 23 years. I love what you have done with this website for her, your words to your daughter are just so beautiful! I well up with tears reading it because I can feel your anguish for wanting your daughter back. I know god is with her wherever she may be and I only hope that she get's returned to you. I have been hesitant to read Jaycee's book as well I had a similar situation to Jaycee, not nearly as bad and I was never raped. But I do know what it's liked to be malested for years on end and the thought process and feelings of a child in that situation. Your so strong and I have a sense your daughter is like you. She's strong too and god will show her the way home.

    ~Jennifer~

    ReplyDelete
  4. I just finished Jacee's book. Couldn't put it down. If my child was missing I doubt I could or should read it. My best friends daughter was kidnapped from her grandmother's suburban street in the middle of the day in 1993 ... 10 years old. She got closure unfortunately a few months later ... Her killer never found. Other missing girls in our area they think tied to the same monster. we have to do what Jaycee says and what her foundation stands for - we should all be aware of what's going on next door. Our children are being stolen in broad daylight ... much love to you in your heartache ... Jaycee's story brought back the horror I felt in 1993 and now I have young boys who want to ride their bike to the store and my husband thinks I'm paranoid. So be it. I am. I pray you have a happy ending - Jaycee is an inspiration. Amazing woman. I wish I had something that would comfort you .. just thought I'd post so you know you are being prayed for ... Kathy

    ReplyDelete
  5. Kathy, I know what you mean about a husband or anyone else thinking you are paranoid, because I have gotten that too. My husband would tell me that lighting doesn't strike twice, but I wasn't about to check out that theory.

    The only thing is that it never ends. My kids are all adults and I still worry about them, especially the girls.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Sorry to hear about your daughter. First time I have read about this through an article on Jaycee. Praying that perhaps she also will return home to you, God bless!

    ReplyDelete
  7. I have just sent you an email to your Gmail account. I am just now discovering your blog and it makes me feel connected. You'll see why in my email.
    I am reading the Jaycee Dugard book right now, and it's hard to read and I am not yet a mother. I have friends/co-workers who have purchased the book with no intention of reading it, but to give Jaycee the money from the book.
    Your love for your daughter will bring her home.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Hi Cheshire. I just answered your e-mail. But that is funny about people purchasing Jaycee's book just to give her money. I think she's probably got plenty of that. But if anybody wants to help her foundation, you can buy one of her pieces of pinecone jewelry. They are pretty pricey -- like in the $90 range -- but they look like they are worth it. I ordered mine a couple of weeks ago, but haven't received it yet. I ordered it because a pinecone was the last thing Jaycee touched before she was taken, so to her it became a symbol of freedom, and that freedom means something to me.

    Her foundation is JAYC Foundation. I can't remember the website address, but you can google it.

    ReplyDelete