I've been sooo, sooo tired. I have wanted to post an update but just have not had the energy to. So let me try now, before the day gets started.
At this point, I have no idea what is going on in San Joaquin County. I have been told that SJC has refused to allow Hayward PD into their investigation, and I also understand that the FBI has offered to assist with the recovery and identification of remains, and they have refused. They are also apparently not giving out information to other jurisdictions who are looking for missing people. So I don't know exactly what is going on. I really, really hope this is not a power trip. I have to say that over the years I have been really impressed by how well our Hayward PD and the FBI have worked together on Michaela's case. I was told early on by some missing children's workers that this sometimes doesn't happen, that sometimes the various jurisdictions get into a pissing contest, but in Michaela's case that never happened. Our investigators just play well with others, and they never lose sight of the goal, which is not to find a missing child.
So the latest news I get from San Joaquin I get from the media. Yesterday I got a call from KRON (Bay Area channel 4), telling me that a retired FBI agent said that Shermantine (the killer on death row) told him that Michaela's remains are in the second well, which they have not started exploring yet. Now this kind of contradicts what I'd read earlier, which was a newspaper article which said that this FBI agent had said that Shermantine had told him that he had no direct knowledge of Michaela's case. So I don't know what to believe. This same station had contacted me several times over the previous 24 hours. They had asked me if I wanted to talk to Padilla, the bounty hunter who is involved in all this, and I'd told them no, because I didn't really think that this case had to do with Michaela because I understood Shermantine had said that he didn't have any knowledge of Michaela, that he was just commenting that Herzog looks like our composite. (And yes, he does look like our composite. The news is always showing our composite against Herzog's recent photos, but if you compare him to Herzog's older photos, when he was younger, it really is a dead ringer. That would be very compelling if it weren't for the fact that we have had dead ringers in the case before, and I don't mean Garrido.) Anyway, if it is a fact that this is what the FBI agent Jeff Rineck said, then it's a surprise to everybody on Michaela's law enforcement team that he hasn't shared this with them. There is an FBI agent who works on Michaela's case, and generally if a retired FBI agent gets information on a case, he shares it with the FBI agent currently assigned before sharing it with the media. So who knows? Could be true, could be false, could be a misunderstanding.
So I just heard on the news that there will be a 10:00 news conference today regarding the excavation out there. The news also mentioned that as of now they have recovered over 1,000 bones. The only accurate conclusion is that these two were a couple of true monsters.
I had a dream last night that I was out wandering around with Rob Lampkin, our detective. While we were wandering, we spoke to several different people. When I went back to my car, Rob was following me on the way back to his, and I noticed that he was bringing along several of the people we'd spoken to and was putting them back in his car. He said he was going to take them back to the station for questioning, which surprised me, because honestly I am always one to assume people are innocent for some unknown reason. We were in a room and there was a clock on the wall, and the clock had witnessed Michaela's kidnapping. I suggested to Rob that perhaps the clock could tell us. So we stood in front of the clock and I am not sure my exact question, something about if someone had kidnapped Michaela, and I asked the clock to move forward if this person had done it, and the clock not only moved forward, but a darkness started spreading across it which quickly obliterated the whole face. I turned to Rob and said, "That's it. Kopek did it."
I have no idea who Kopek is, but in my mind he looked just like the crazy artist in the movie "The Peanut Butter Solution." Those of you who have been really following Michaela know that a week before she was kidnapped she wrote a poem about people who had been kidnapped and were being held captive, and she'd said, "You know, like in the movie The Peanut Butter Solution." Or Peanut Butter Conspiracy, can't remember which. This was a movie about a crazy artist who kidnapped kids and gave them this peanut butter concoction that made their hair grow really fast, and then he would cut off their hair and use it to paint magic pictures that you could actually walk into.
So what all that means, I don't know. I personally still don't feel that Herzog is responsible for kidnapping Michaela. I could be wrong, and I admit that. The only thing that struck me as I watched the news about them digging up the wells, is that over the years many, many psychics have mentioned something about a water tower. I always pictured those big round things that sit above ground, but I did think about this with regard to the wells, which are basically inverted water towers, right? Even though I don't "believe" it, this has been taking a huge toll on me. I've been very stressed and have had trouble sleeping, which has caused even more stress as anyone with insomnia knows. At this point, I have wandered into a kind of a stupor over it, and the only thing I can say is that there is no choice except to sit and wait. If Michaela is there, we will find that out. The San Joaquin Sheriff's Department has been given a list of what Michaela was wearing, and photos of samples where possible. Eventually I would expect that all the remains will be identified one way or another. If she is there, one day I will be told that, and if that happens I will deal with it. But in the meantime, there is no point in falling apart over it. I have too much to do to be able to fall apart over something that might not even be true. The other thing also is that all the known victims of Shermantine and Herzog have been young women. Michaela was a child, so she really doesn't fit the profile. Herzog would not have used a scooter to lure his usual victim.
Meanwhile, further references, vague or veiled, have been received from other people indicating that Michaela is in another country, the same area as the e-mail I'd received previously. We are still working on trying to get more information on this, and on figuring out just what we could possibly to do try to follow up on it, to reach out to Michaela. I got an e-mail yesterday which listed just what would have happened to her in this place. You know, over the years, there have been times when I have thought, and said, that it might have been better for Michaela if she had died soon after being kidnapped, rather than having to live indefinitely in terrible circumstances. This e-mail reminded me of that thought as I read of the horrific life Michaela might have been forced to endure for 23 years.
I hate it, hate all the thoughts of what could possibly have
I had another dream last night. I was standing in my living room, which has a panoramic view of the San Francisco Bay Area. A thunder and lightning storm suddenly came up, but not your normal, average thunder and lightning storm. It was huge and dramatic and beautiful, but terrifying enough that I thought I should take cover. Then it stopped and the wind came up, and it was blowing these dark clouds eastward, toward my house. The lower end of one of those clouds actually physically hit my window and stuck to it, leaving a spot of dark blackness, maybe a couple of feet across, on the upper right portion of my living room window.
Don't know what all these dreams mean. I don't have huge talents in that department, and I do respect the variability of those meanings. They could just reflect the psychological state I'm in as all this happens with Michaela's case. But they could mean that we are onto the answers, one way or another.
Actually, I just remembered that in my dream about Rob Lampkin, we had just attended my daughter's performance. Johnna appears in many shows, but she does have one coming up at the last weekend of this month, so who knows, perhaps we will get some news then.
And one more thing. Someone I know through an online group (not related to missing children) wrote to me yesterday about her dream: "Two nights ago I dreamed I was pregnant, and met a little girl named Michaela. I was telling her how I'm naming my baby after my mother and I can't wait for them to meet, and she said she can't wait to see her mother too.... In my dream I didn't know it was your Michaela, but when I woke up it's who I thought of ... well, I just wanted to tell you." This really touched my heart.
Thank you all for your support, and for your love. I do really appreciate it, and wherever she is, I know Michaela does also.
UPDATE: I have learned that the retired FBI agent DID claim that Michaela is in the second well, but other evidence suggests that Shermantine said he didn't have any actual information about Michaela. So KRON is correct, but we don't know if the information is correct. And it appears there may be some more cooperation in the future among law enforcement agencies, and if that happens I will applaud everyone. I honestly cannot see how a single jurisdiction would even want to have to foot the bills for this massive job of identifying well over 1,000 bones.