Saturday, March 31, 2012
Today's Search for Michaela's Remains
This morning a canine search was conducted, looking for Michaela's remains. This was in response to a lead that was called in several months ago. At that time, the canine search team handlers said that the conditions were not good for searching, and that we needed to wait until after there had been a few good rains. So I've been waiting a pretty long while now for this search ... since before the hoopla about Herzog, since before the lead came in about the United Arab Emirates. And you know, I kept thinking that just possibly all the emotional energy being poured into these other leads might have not even have been necessary. Michaela might have been lying there, not so terribly far away, for all this time. It was a question that needed to be answered.
Early this morning, it started raining here, in torrents, and the wind was crazy. It was like a mini hurricane. I texted our detective, asking if the search was still scheduled for today, and he said they were already out there. I remembered how, in the days after Michaela was kidnapped, we'd had horrible rain storms, and how I had thought that it was the angels, weeping violently over what had happened to Michaela. I thought this morning, if she was to be found, how appropriate it would be for the heavens to be weeping once again. I wondered also how those dogs could work in this weather. It's not the scent. I know I've read in a few novels about missing kids how the scent was washed away by rain, but from what I learned years ago, rain actually makes it easier for the dogs to catch a scent. But it was so stormy, my own dogs were cowering at the back door, not wanting to go out to go potty, and these searc h dogs, and their handlers, and our investigators, were out there braving quite a storm for apparently a good long journey through the mud and muck. My respect and my thanks go to all of them.
The search dogs didn't alert on anything, but as our investigator, Rob Lampkin, said, it was like looking for a needle in a haystack. The world is so large! Even a single piece of property is huge when you are looking for one little girl who could have been buried there. Rob said the caller provided some specific information, but that we really needed more specific information. Because the person who gave this information called anonymously from a location that couldn't be traced, he was thinking perhaps he would need to put out a press release, asking for the person who had called before to call again with more specific information. So of course, I volunteered to put that request out on my blog. I have held this information back for a few months, because I didn't want anybody getting spooked and running out to dig up evidence. We've seen the possibility of that having happened in the past. For that reason, even now, I'm not going to say what area it is in.
Whoever called this lead in cut off the conversation at one point, saying, "Look, I've done what I can. I've tried to help." Or something along those lines. And I do appreciate that the caller was trying to help, and I am very thankful just for your desire to do that. I'm asking though that you please call in again, and help us figure out exactly where to look.
If you want to know if I think this is a good lead, if there is much likelihood of it being true, I do think it is. It's honestly probably a lot more likely to be true than it is for Michaela to be in the UAE. But probably isn't the same as positively. If Michaela lies buried somewhere, then she's moved on from that location long ago. Finding her could bring answers, a resolution. It could stop the torture over worrying where she is and whether she is suffering right now. But it wouldn't do anything for Michaela herself. On the other hand, if she is alive, if she is in the UAE or being held prisoner in someone's back yard, then she needs us right now. We need to find her as quickly as possible so that she doesn't need to suffer a minute longer.
What do I want? I want for my daughter to be at peace, to be happy. I think that any real possibility of that vanished on November 19, 1988. It's the lesser of two evils, and there have been those times I have thought she might be better off if she had left the suffering behind. But where there is life, there is hope, and I am going to stand here and hold that candle of hope as high as I can and as long as I can, until someone proves to me that it's time to set it down.
And quite honestly, if that should happen, if that day should ever come, I will find a new reason to light a new flame, and one way or another, my hope for Michaela will continue to shine in the deepest darkness that this life can throw my way. That is my gift to Michaela, and it is Michaela's gift to the world.
I love you, baby girl, forever.