Sunday, May 13, 2012

Happy Mother's Day


Happy Mother's Day everybody ... including you, too, Michaela, if you are out there somewhere and have children of your own. I am looking forward to today. My youngest daughter, Johnna, who is now 18 and a senior in high school, has her closing performance as Jean in To Kill A Mockingbird today, the afternoon matinee, so I'm going to go see that. It's my third time seeing it in this run. I try to get to every performance, because every one is different, and just because I love seeing her perform onstage. My son Robbie went with me last night to see the show because he is working today, but Libby will be going with me today. Afterwards, plans aren't certain. So far I'm leaning towards pizza at home, because I really love pizza and I actually very rarely have it. But we'll see.

Yesterday I posted that quote on my facebook timeline, about how becoming a mother is an act of courage, because it's agreeing to have your heart walking around outside your body. Oh, it is so that! And perhaps that it a good picture of what it's like to have a missing child -- that there is a part of your heart that you can't find, a part of your heart that is continually in mourning for the rest of itself. How can your heart live when a part of it is missing?

And yet it has. I have. Yes, I am here, yes I am alive, and yes I confirm life and love and all it entails, from the very sweetest, to the most bitter and sorrowful. And even though being a mother has caused me the most tremendous sorrow and heartache, even though it has been like a huge vise in my chest squeezing my heart, it has also been the sun that lights my days. I had to take fertility pills in order to get pregnant with Michaela, and I often wonder if God wasn't saying, "Wait ... are you sure you want to do this? Cause it's gonna hurt like hell." But I couldn't have not done it.

Being a mom has been the greatest joy, the most fun I have ever had. Even today, as young adults, my kids are an absolute delight to me. They are my Mother's Day gift.

And you, too, Michaela. What happened to you has broken my heart, but the love I learned from you has kept it going. Wherever you are, I love you still, every day, and always will.

Happy Mother's Day.


29 comments:

  1. I am thinking about you today!! I hope you are eating pizza and enjoying yourself!! Happy Mother's Day.
    Sincerely,
    H Payne

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    1. Haha, thanks. Just getting ready to leave for my daughter's show now, and I'm really excited about that!

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  2. Happy Mother's Day, Sharon! :) Keeping Michaela in my prayers.

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  3. Hoping you had a beautiful Mother's Day! You truly deserve it.

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  4. Hi Sharon,

    Can you give us an update on current happenings with Michaela's case? Is there anything that you can share with us right now? We know the case is very active. Its been a while since the last case update post....but I'm sure there's still a lot going on behind the scenes. Keeping you, Michaela, and your family in my thoughts.

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  5. I haven't actually spoken to the investigators in awhile, so I don't know anything to tell. Honestly, I don't want to know every little thing. I really just want to know when they have an answer. I tend to be a little obsessive, so it's too stressful to keep up with everything.

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  6. what are your thoughts on the developments in the Etan Patz case?

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  7. My first thought was to post a status update on facebook saying, "See that, you bastards, you may think you have gotten away with something, but you haven't. However long it takes, one day you are going to be held accountable for what you've done." I haven't done that yet, but I will.

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  8. Sometimes You Just Have to Do the Right Thing... It was so sad to hear the news on Etan today. My takeaway in this saga is less about being held accountable and more about a person taking responsibility and doing the right thing. The accused has carried this secret (and burden?) for 33 years. He could have chosen to say nothing as the police did not have any direct evidence. But he chose the noble path by turning himself in and restored some of his honor. I give him credit for owning up to his awful actions.

    For most people their moral compass still continues to function in some capacity. It is not too late for someone who kidnapped a child to do the right thing and come forward no matter how many years have passed. And if they don't have the courage to turn themselves in, they can still hold themselves accountable by providing ANONYMOUS but concrete proof on the abductee's exact location (remains or living) that would give the families closure. Justice is a precious gift, but ultimately isn't mercy just as sweet?

    And I give a nod to the accused's family members who knew something was not right and found the courage to speak up. I admire that they were able to look past the impact to their family and do the right thing. This to me is the definition of mercy.

    P.S. This response didn't seem to fit with the Mother's Day Theme, but couldn't figure out how to start a new thread or post a general response.

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  9. I understand what you are saying, and I know that what you are saying in the right thing to say if we want people to give us the answers they may be hiding. But you know me by now, and I can't say that. I don't believe he is doing the right thing. I think what he did was so awful that it haunted him and ate at him until he couldn't stand it. He is being held accountable by a higher power, just as all these bastards will be.

    Sometimes I find love and forgiveness in my heart. But sometimes, I'm just plain angry.

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    1. Oh Sharon...I fully agree with your point on being held accountable by a higher power. I believe people get what is owed to them be it in this life and/or the next.

      But when I think of the Patz's, your family, Ilene's, and Amber's and so many others...I just have to believe that it is better to know (and the perp to remain anonymous) than to never have an answer which doesn't result in a conviction anyways. Ultimately no one gets a choice on how that plays out one way or the other which is sad. I don't mean to belabor the point. And sorry I don't mean to imply that you have to forgive anyone. Jaycee's Mom appears to have not. This isn't about forgiveness, it is about answers for this lifetime here on earth.
      And it is about human decency for a family that has been in anguish (yours and others). You know, from what I have read on your blog, ultimately all you care about is your daughter..the part of yourself that is physically hidden somewhere and you just want back. Perhaps I am foolish to pray for the happy ending...where the villain or the villan's family that has answers have some compassion and step forward.
      I also read with some disgust that there was a retired cab driver that may have seen Etan and his abductor and did not speak up until years later due to his own issues. My aplogies for the long post, but honestly hearing about the Etan discovery affected me like I guess so many others today.

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    2. Never be sorry for a long message! This isn't Twitter!

      Thanks.

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  10. Happy (belated) mother's day to you, Sharon. I came across your blog on Google, and I appreciate and admire your strength and courage, even in the darkest hour. You are an amazing woman and mother, and I pray to God that you will receive some closure. You and Michaela are in my prayers.

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  11. i know this isn't the same as a stranger abduction, but here's a link to an article i thought you may find interesting. not as extreme as the fritzl case in austria, but still...

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2150916/Bosnian-couple-kept-German-girl-19-captive-years-forced-slave.html

    you may have seen it already but since it's not american i wasn't sure if you would see it as it is from an international news company's website.

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  12. Dear Sharon,
    Happy belated Mother's day, may next year on Mother's Day Michaela be home with all of you.

    I have said this before and I will say it again, you are a wonderful mom and would everyone be so lucky to have a mom like you. Catching up on your blog and reading this post made me want to share something, growing up I not always understood my mom or what to be a mom was, as I get older (although I don't have children yet) but maybe because of my own maternal instinct that is very strong these days, I have came to understand my mother better, with that understanding forgiveness has filled my heart for some of her mistakes, is my hope that deep in her heart as only a mother can feel she knows how much I love her and appreciate everything she has done for me.

    Clairebear

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  13. Oh, well I'm glad to hear that, Clairebear, although ... well, I guess that is just a huge subject. No parent is ever going to be perfect. We are all just people, doing the best we can. I think most of the time most of what we do is out of love, though.

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  14. hey sharon, it's becca, it's been a while, sorry school has busy for me but now i'm out for summer! Mother's Day must be one of the most difficult holidays to spend away from Michaela. After finding out what happened to Etan last week, I hope to god Michaela is still out there waiting for someone to find her. Also, i just read to kill a mockingbird at school and we finished it, i liked the book a lot! But anyways, back to Michaela, I can't write anymore, this is difficult for me to talk about, i cannot imagine the pain you go through, I really wish there was some possible way I could help.. :/

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  15. hello, Sharon. sorry I haven't commented in a while, I've been very busy and I had a baby two weeks ago, and after hearing michaleas story I will be sure to be over protective and not let anything happen to her. may god bless you and your family,
    nicki Jensen

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  16. Hi Sharon,
    I agree, so true, I think that as children we tend to see our parents as perfect, they are our world, kinda like for example when we think they will live forever, as my parents age I get a terrifying feeling in my stomach. The truth is that no one is perfect, no one can be. I agree, I think it's out of love and doing the best they can with the knowledge they had at the time, the other day my mom was telling me how she wish she had done this and that different and I just told her not to worry about it, she did the best she could and within the knowledge she had at the time, I'm the person I am today thanks to all the wonderful things I learned from her and that she taught me growing up, for that I'm so grateful.

    Hugs,
    Clairebear

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  17. You haven't been writing...you alright? Apart from the obvious of course.

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  18. I'm okay. I will get a blog out this weekend, I promise. And thanks for asking. <3

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  19. Hi sharon! I got a blogger account and nick is writing a blog about child safety and such. Please check it out! :)

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  20. http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/47704638/ns/today-today_rossen_reports/

    I just wanted to share this link because I think it shows how people need to stop douting themselves and reach out to help someone even if they suspect something is wrong.

    I also have a question. Do you think by loosing Michaela you closed yourself off from loving just to protect yourself?? I knew a lady when I was younger and she said that when she was a little girl she had a puppy that she loved very much. It passed away suddenly and left her heartbroken. She told me she made a promise to herself right then and there to never love something or anyone that much again because it hurt too much when she lost her puppy. This lady told me that she kept her promise and she has never loved anything or anyone like she liked her dog. This woman has 6 children so I found her comments very sad. She adopted me for a short time in my life however we finally drifted apart. I could tell there was a thick wall up. She cared for me but she never loved me.

    This made me wonder if someone can close off their heart because of a puppie dying then how would someone like you who has had far worse happen still love so much without the fear of loosing again.

    Edel

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  21. Wow, Edel, that article is really shocking! And sad!!!! I can't believe there are so many people in the world who are not willing to even try to help!!!!

    To answer your second question, yes I did to a point. I think it wasn't even so much shutting off my feelings so that I wouldn't be hurt again, and shutting off my feelings so I wouldn't have to feel the hurt that I did feel, if you know what I mean. When I became pregnant with my youngest daughter, five years after Michaela's kidnapping, my heart was forced open and all sorts of feelings came bursting out. I have written a lot about it in this blog. It is actually part of the theme of the book I am writing. As for the woman you mentioned, I do not know how anyone can remain shut down when they have a baby. It's an experience that just opens you up naturally.

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  22. Hello Sharon it's dark past midnight just reading your blog comment and I m thinking to myself how in slowly becoming more mmmm... Protective over protective of my children because of Michaelas story. I remember 5 years ago my then 3 year old had managed to climb over a short wall of this indoor amusement park in Canada and it was in a mall so it was a huge place for a child to get lost in. Well anyways we let him go play and since there was only one entrance we stood at it on the bench waiti for him to come and get his shoes on. Well we waited and waited and finally went looking for him in the tunnels and stuff. No luck. We panicked. He wasn't in there. We notified everyone we could at the time and just as I'm freakibg out someone comes with my little boy. He had no shoes on and someone figured he must have escaped the play area. Holy crap we were very lucky to get him back. Anyone could have snatched him he made in way down the mall too so yes anyone could have grabbed him. But I remember that heart drop into stomach fear feeling. I cannot imagine what you deal with internally mentally on a daily basis but my heart goes out to you. I would just die if anything happened to one of my kids I'm super protective of my kids they are all under 10. I don't even leave them with sitters anymore too many evil stories about kids being killed or harmed by sitters anymore. Sorry im rambling on. I just wanted to let you know I was thinking of Michaela and praying that she is found so you can have some closure and not constantly wonder about what happened to your little girl...

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  23. hi Sharon, u haven't written any new blogs yet, hope everythings ok with uu :)

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  24. Hope all is well ( well as much as it can be)...

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  25. Sharon,
    I check in at least once a day- do post something,anything - we don't always come here for Michaela's case updates- we just love your heartfelt writing and I hope it gives you some measure of comfort to know there's so much positive energy channeled towards you!
    Take care,
    SR Mom

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