Sunday, June 17, 2012

Back to Michaela ...

Michaela, with Alex and Libby
Dear Michaela,

It has been awhile since I have written a letter to you. I was silent for awhile, and the last few blogs have been about your baby sister. It's been her time lately. Of course, this blog assumes that there is a possibility that you might be alive, and the hope is that you will read this blog and know that we are still looking for you, and give you a reason to come home. There is an underlying assumption that you will be reading these entries. So I have to wonder, how will all this affect you, when my focus is on your sister and not on you?

Over the course of the lives of my children, I haven't seen a lot of jealousy or competition. Well, actually Michaela, when Libby was little, she told me she was jealous of you, because of the concentrated and very emotional attention that was always focused on you. And I remember when I brought Alex home from the hospital when you were not quite two years old, that I sat on the couch holding him with you next to me, and suddenly you burst into sobs like your heart was broken. But I handed Alex to a nearby grandmother and took you in my arms and held you, and never after that did you ever show any signs of jealousy.

So now, for a moment, let me take you in my arms and hold you, and tell you the same thing I did on that day that we brought Alex home, that you will always be my baby, that the place in my heart that belongs to you will always belong to you, and only to you.

Do you remember when you were all children, each of you would take money you received for your birthdays and use part of it to buy gifts for each other? I never suggested that. You came up with that idea on your own. You always loved one another, played together, cared for one another. If you were to come home, Michaela, it would not only be me who would be waiting for you with open arms. It would be your sisters and your brothers also. Especially Libby. You used to get a little annoyed with her, actually, because she loved you so much that from the time she could walk she always wanted to follow you around. She adored you. She still does. I think if you came home, Libby would grab you into the biggest hug and never let you go.

I believe that seeing that love and joy still exist in your family would be more likely to make you want to come home. If proms and graduations are so joyous, how much more would your homecoming be?

I am ready, Michaela. Wherever you are, whatever happened to you, I am ready to hear it. I am ready to know.

You are forever my baby girl. I love you forever.

mom

17 comments:

  1. Praying that knowledge comes soon!! Thinking of you and your family every day!!
    Love from TX
    Brandis Payne

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  2. You should not have this pain. No parent should. I find myself feeling so angry that you have to. Still praying in TX. Moving to MO. and The prayers won't stop!

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    1. Thank you. To be quite honest, I get angry about it myself.

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  3. Hello Sharon. I have been reading your blog for some time now, you have a wonderful family, and your children sound like wonderful people.
    Your blog is very much about everything that is in your heart and how you have dealt with what happened to Michaela, but I would like to know how have your other children coped with Michaelas dissapearance? Especially Robbie? I dont want to pry or seem like a nosy person, I am just wondering how it has affected Robbie and Libby.

    Never lose faith and hope. Someday you will get the answers you are longing for. All of us (your readers) are praying for that day to come soon.

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    1. The one who was most affected is Alex, who is a little less than two years younger than Michaela and actually understood what was going on and remembers it. For the others, it's hard to say. Libby was 3 and Robbie was 8 months, so this has always been part of their lives. I don't know if they would have been different people if this had never happened, but they are all wonderful young adults now.

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    2. I got Robbie and Alex mixed up. I thought Robbie was your second child. And they all seem like wonderful young adults!

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    3. Alex did go through a difficult time. I think it was a combination of his age at the time, given that he was pretty independent and the other kids were toddlers and babies, and his personality, which was more reticent. So with all the chaos I think it was just too easy to overlook him and think he was doing okay. It is one of the regrets I have in life, that I didn't realize this sooner. I love him very much.

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    4. You shouldnt be so hard on yourself, I dont think anyone in your shoes at that time could have realized if Alex was doing ok or not. It just counldnt have been possible at that time. But I am guessing your son understands what you were going through at that time.
      You are a strong woman that managed to raise wonderful children despite the heart ache.
      Hugs to you and your family.

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  4. Sharon, reading your blog and the way you write about your children teaches me how to take care of my own inner child, the one who never had a loving mother and is still wounded and waiting for someone to notice. I haven't known how to look after her till now as I've had no real role models, just books and stories. But reading your very real heartfelt words shows me how to do it at last. Thank you.

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    1. Thank you. That is one of the nicest things anybody has ever said to me. I am sending you a virtual mom hug, okay?

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  5. This is one of the saddest things I've ever read. How proud of you Michaela must be, or will be, if she is reading/will read your blog, Sharon.
    I remember the day I turned on the TV and was shocked to see the face of Jaycee Dugard on national news again. The words underneath, saying she'd been found (alive) were incredible. Immediately I thought of Michaela. I honestly believe I would've recognized Jaycee if I had seen her out somewhere, and I feel the same about Michaela. Who knows, maybe she is over here on the east side of the country. I will keep my eyes open. God bless you, Sharon.

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  6. Has there been any more leads ?

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    1. I haven't personally received any new leads, and I haven't met with our detective in awhile now. We talk about it, I have been working a lot of hours, and I work across the bay, so it's not as easy as it used to be to grab lunch or coffee. But I don't think we need any new leads so much as we need to be able to fully investigate the ones we have. And to be completely honest, I don't feel the need to know everything that is going on in the investigation. It just gets me in a dither. It hasn't been true for the entire course of the investigation, but at this point I know that if there is anything I need to know, Hayward PD will tell me.

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  7. Sharon, I just want you to know that I think about your daughter all the time. I am a mother also and I just cannot fathom the strength it would take to be without them. You are so brave, so strong and so resilient in the face of everything that you've experienced and felt over the years. I really hope beyond hope there are answers soon and that your precious Michaela is safe and sound and returned to you. I love her as my own just from reading your blogs and feeling the enormous love in your writing. Always thinking of you and yours in Virginia.

    Jessica

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  8. I came across this site while studying for a paper in my forensic psychology class. I'm not going to pretend like I know how you're feeling because I don't. There's not really much I can say. What can a stranger really say? I don't know. I'm not even sure why I decided to comment. I can't even help you. I can only offer words of encouragement which I'm sure you get from friends and family. Coming from a total stranger, words of encouragement probably don't mean much anyway. I'm also not a mother, so I can't relate to you either. I can, however, compliment you on your resolve. Many people would have given up by now. The fact that you're still trying to reach your daughter is admirable to say the least. I'm sorry if I come off sounding insincere, but I really am at a loss. Looks like I still have a lot to learn.

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    1. Ceara, there is nothing right or wrong to say. Thank you for taking the time to say anything at all. <3

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