Wednesday, September 5, 2012

A knife in the heart



Dear Michaela,

Many days ... most days ... I manage to bury my feelings deep inside. I talk about things but don't really think about what I'm saying. That is the only way I have managed to survive for the last 23 years, as you can imagine. Today, however, reality kept just popping up. I walk discussing your case with someone, and I was talking about the lead that said you are in the UAE. Simple to say, maybe Michaela is in the UAE. But behind that, there is another reality. There was the second part to that lead, which was that you are "changed too much to remember." Then there was the discussion on the web sleuths board in which someone detailed the kind of abuse you would have suffered if you had been alive in those circumstances, and wondered why I would think that was preferable. And the horror of it, the grief and sorrow just filled my heart. Jaycee brought so much hope. Jaycee made me believe that you could be alive and could be okay. But it could be that if you are alive, you are very much not okay, and I cannot stand that thought.

Then on my way home, I drove past the street where we lived when you were born. I do this almost every night, of course. When I started taking this route it really disturbed me, but I do it most of the time now, so I've grown more immune to it. But this evening, I looked down the block and saw the playground they have built there since we moved, and I thought how nice that would have been for you ... and suddenly I could see your little tiny self. I could feel what it felt like to hold you in my arms. I could see your smile and hear your laughter, and all the promise of life you held that was stolen away. And it sliced through me, a searing hot knife. I still, in all these years, have not found the words to describe how this feels, this sense of betrayal of life itself, this wrenching heartache ... the just plain furious anger I feel over this.

I am sorry, Michaela. I am sorry that I wasn't about to keep you safe from this. I am sorry that I wasn't able to find you. I know that every second you waited to be rescued, and I am so, so sorry that I couldn't rescue you. I am so, so sorry, and yet words can never contain what I mean, how I feel.

I love you. I love you forever.

mom


167 comments:

  1. Ok well that made me cry I hate that you have to go through this. As a mother myself I can only imagine how you feel. I don't even know what to say. Hugs.

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  2. Every time you have a memory, every dream you have of Michaela is a visit from her. Embrace these thoughts and ask her to come to you....and wait for the dream of you both together :)I remember when she was taken, my mom helped in her search and bought some tape and supplies to post fliers. You are not alone! She is always with you xoxo

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  3. That made me weep. And I am not a mother.

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    1. It also made me cry.
      Love from
      Thelma Mandera

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  4. Sharon I am so so sorry that you are going through this and that the one person who knows what happened has to be a coward and not turn himself in. I am praying for you and michaela and your entire family...that she will come home too you~

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  5. :( dear Sharon.. How awful for you and how awful what your daughter went through.. I do pray One day you will know what happened to her .. X

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  6. I'm sorry yesterday was a tough day, Sharon. I hope today is a little easier. Sending love and hugs from the East Coast!

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  7. I pray for you often as I don't know what I would do in your shoes, you are a very strong person never give up hope, I always pray for her safe return, prayers and prayers and hugs. Try to remain positive and don't let others comments drag you down nor deter you from hoping and searching. Love to you

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  8. I believe in the power of prayer and I think we should all pray to soften the hearts and build the courage of those who know something to come forward. Maybe they are scared. Maybe they know the perp and are afraid of ruining a family. Or, maybe, they've been given the poor advice to stay out of the investigation. Maybe they feel they should mind their own business. But they can come forward and end their burden of secrecy and know that they ended Michaela's and Sharon's burden as well. Find the courage! There are protection programs, plea bargains, and honest detectives who want nothing more than your information. They will protect you. Write a detailed letter, or email. Plan how you are going to tell, take a deep breath, and begin your journey to your OWN freedom! If you believe there might be even a remote chance that you will be ultimately judged for this, isn't it worth it to clear yourself of this? This is real for Michaela and her family and THEY can not ignore the situation.

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    1. And then there are law enforcement who don't want to hear you, whether it be about Michaela or someone else.

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  9. Please come home Michaela! I love you and I don't even know you :( i just really want you to be found :(:(

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    1. This is my prayer also!

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  10. Sharon, you know you and your family are always in my thoughts. Michaela, you and the family are always in every prayer I pray. I hate the fact that almost 24 years later, you're still experiencing the same level of grief and heartache as you did the first day. All because some coward will not give you the information that is needed to find Michaela and bring her home. I don't know what else I can do, except to continue to support any and all attempts to finding her and keeping her name out there in the public until we do. My phone is on me and on 24/7, you know how to get a hold of me if you ever want to talk, yell, scream, vent, cry any time of the day or night, AND I MEAN THAT! PLEASE DON'T EVER HESITATE! I love you my dear friend, don't ever forget that. DEB

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    1. Thanks, Deb, and I love you and your family too!

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  11. I can only imagine your pain Sharon and I think of you and Michaela a lot (actually Michaela reminds me a lot of my daughter to look at) I pray that sometime soon you either find Michaela or find out what happened, it must be the cruelest of pain to go through and never ending...However you should be so proud of the family you created in spite of all this, you are such a strong person...I hope it helps that so many people are praying for Michaela and for you and also I also do believe that somehow she is always with you xxxx much love xxx

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  12. Sharon,

    thinking of you from Sydney, sending love & prayers

    Sarah

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  13. Sharon, do you know when America's Most Wanted is going to air the story about Michaela?

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    1. I actually haven't heard back from them, so I guess it's been delayed. Thanks for asking.

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  14. Sharon, I truly believe if Michaela is still alive she is ok as she would be an adult and not a child anymore. She may not be living in the perfect environment but she has matured and grown and I believe she would have more choices and avenues to get help. If on the other hand she died at the hands of her capture she is not suffering. I hope this makes sense to you. I know how hard it must be when you lay your head on your pillow at night not to think about the horrible things. But I really believe if she is alive she is not suffering like you think she is.

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  15. Thank you so much everybody for your kind words and positive thoughts for Michaela. I really appreciate it so much.

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  16. Much love to you, Sharon ♥ I hope someday you have some answers.
    ~~Tammy~~

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  17. Hi Sharon,
    I have no words to say except that my heart hurts and aches for you and your family. You, Michaela, and all your family will always be in my prayers!
    Love from Thelma Mandera

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  18. Dear Sharon, I love your writing! Reading your words makes me want to cry but smile at the same time because you and Michaela are such bright lights of love and hope in what is sometimes a dark world. I feel in my bones that Michaela will be found soon and I hope my instincts are correct! Much love and prayers. <3 Maddy

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  19. When will you publish your book Sharon?

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    1. Well, first I have to finish writing it. And then I have to find someone to publish it, or do it myself. But it's the writing of it that is hard. I keep procrastinating, in the little time I have outside of work and other necessary things.

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  20. Your words are always so beautiful and moving. I couldn't even imagine going through what you have been through, you are so strong. I pray that you soon find out what happened to Michaela and really hope that finding out what happened means that she can return home safely to you.
    Much love and thoughts all the way from England

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  21. It's only natural that you would wish for your daughter to still be alive. I (as well as many others, I'm sure) would be very worried if you hoped she was dead. I know you would never hope that, of course. Don't let those people get to you. They aren't in your shoes. They can't possibly understand how you are feeling. They have no right to ask you "why you think that is preferable". Just keep doing what you need to do to get through the day and to hell with their judgements.

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    1. It isn't their judgments that bother me, but the reality of the torture and suffering they are talking about that bothers me. There are circumstances in which each of us might wish to be dead ourselves, I think. I just pray Michaela wasn't in such circumstances.

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    2. Sharon,worda cannot express how much my heart goes out to you. Your words make the pain you feel so vivid to me but nothing in comparison to you feeling it. I'm so very sorry you're hurting. I pray for you every day for peace,rest,comfort. I pray for Michaela,for her safety,for you to find her so your heart can be whole again. Much love to you and many prayers!

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  22. Mrs Sharon, if Michaela is somewhere in the middle east with a abusive captor and children wouldn't she have been struggling to get out alive with her children like betty mahmoody? the author of not without my daughter.

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    1. A child growing up in sex slavery is not the same as a an adult U.S.-raised wife. The person who sent this lead said "she is changed too much for remember." If this lead is true, she knows no other life.

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    2. If Michaela is found would you still keep your blog?

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    3. Yes, of course. Whenever I have had fantasies of Michaela coming home, one of the things I wanted most to do was to be able to share the joy with the people who have shared the sorrow.

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    4. I love the idea of continuing the blog after Michaela is found. I have often wished that Jaycee would have started some sort of personal blog so people could share in the joy of her new life. The blog could have also promoted her JAYC foundation. Of course, I completely understand and respect that she wants her privacy, but it still would have been nice to receive general updates on her and her girls...

      I hope you know that Michaela is always on the minds and in the hearts of your readers! We will always continue to hope for her safe return! <3

      -Julia

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    5. Julia, I agree it has been really disappointing that Jaycee has not been more gracious with all those who have cared so much about her.

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  23. Certainly, I don't mean to criticize Jaycee. It's possible (and highly probable, in my opinion) that she just isn't comfortable having that kind of personal contact with virtual strangers on such a large scale that having a blog would entail. I don't fault her for wanting privacy but I am left feeling like she has more to offer that we haven't seen yet. Maybe that's unfair of me to place those types of expectations on her. She certainly didn't ask to be in her position. I don't know... May I ask what you would have liked to have seen or received from Jaycee that leaves you disappointed?

    -Julia

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    1. That's probably ground on which I should not tread, Julia. But my observation is that Jaycee hasn't given anything to anyone without a price tag attached to it. I know she has started foundation, but the stated purpose of the foundation is to help people who have come home after kidnapping through animal therapy, food therapy, and another kind of therapy I don't remember. Someone else observed that it seemed designed to support Jaycee's horses and chefs and whatever the other thing was, but not designed to reach out and help many other people. I will give Jaycee the benefit of the doubt and guess that she received a lot of bad advice from lawyers or the like, but I haven't seen the kind of plain grace you see with Elizabeth Smart for example.

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    2. Sorry, Sharon. I didn't mean to ask an uncomfortable question. Your previous response just intrigued me and I was interested to hear your reasoning behind it. It does seem that the JAYC foundation could do a better job clearly communicating its mission and what it has accomplished thus far, but it's still a relatively new charity. Hopefully, they will grow and branch out in time, and reach out to others in need.

      Of course, that's brings me to another uncomfortable question. (I'm apparently full of them tonight and you're welcome to ignore it.) If Michaela were to be recovered from a situation similar to Jaycee's, would you discourage her from selling her picture, writing books, suing for damages, etc?

      -Julia


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    3. I would absolutely encourage her to write a book, and I'd probably write one too. But selling pictures and interviews, I don't think so. As I said, I believe in sharing the joy with those who have so willingly shared the sorrow. But the lawsuit was I think the worst thing. Jaycee sued the State of California, but who was it who did perform some really excellent police work which resulted in her rescue? It was the State of California, through its employees. It also seemed really dishonest to get the money from the State (which is broke), $20 million as I recall, more than any family would need in a lifetime, and get that tied up before announcing that she had a book deal, which probably made her more than most people make in a lifetime. The State paid out the money to make up for the loss in education, earnings, etc., due to her captivity, and in fact she probably earned more as a result of it than she would have otherwise. Even the Foundation, when you went to the webpage the only thing you could find was opportunities to donate or buy pinecone necklaces (I bought one myself). There was nowhere to request information or help. I haven't been there for awhile, but that's how it was.

      Sorry, don't mean to start a controversy. One day I am going to learn that when someone asks you something, you don't actually have to answer.

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    4. Again, I'm sorry for peppering you with uncomfortable questions. You share so openly on this blog that I sometimes feel like I know you which can lead to me wanting to ask you questions or make comments that might qualify as overstepping. I'm not trying to start a controversy either. I was just interested in your unique perspective, and now I realize that I've taken this thread meant for Michaela far, far astray. Apologies!

      -Julia

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    5. No problem, Julia. I don't have to publish comments or answer them, but I choose to for the most part. It is one of the things about this blog that even if I don't write an entry for awhile there always seems to be something new going on in the comments, for better or worse.

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    6. I hope you know that every person who reads this blog cares deeply about Michaela even if we sometimes do overstep and ask indelicate questions. ;-)

      However, I would argue that isn't necessarily a bad thing. Asking uncomfortable questions means that you have managed to create an environment where your readers feel safe and connected with you. And if you can establish that kind of nexus with complete strangers and touch our hearts to such a degree that we feel not only compelled but comfortable enough reaching out to you with those difficult questions, I imagine that the effect on Michaela would be a millions times stronger if she were to ever stumble across this blog and read your words. <3 Hopefully, she would feel safe enough here to also begin to ask some (infinitely more) difficult questions...

      -Julia

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  24. Hi Sharon, I just wanted to tell you that I think you are a wonderful mother and a compassionate and inspirational individual. I have followed your blog for a little while now and despite the sadness of Michaela's story, I find your outlook and posts so hopeful and inspirational. Reading posts like this help me put my life in perspective and understand what true hope and faith is.
    -Caroline :)

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  25. Sharon, do you think Jaycee looks at your blog? && also the other missing girls and boys such as ilene misheloff, amber swartz, nikki campbell and andrew collins if alive look at your blog? or even the garridoes, tim binder and shermantine?

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    1. I know that Nancy Garrido has been shown my blog, by our investigators. As to the others, I don't know, although with those who are not currently missing children, it would surprise me if they did and I didn't hear anything from them. But that's because I expect everybody to be like me, probably. Tim Bindner always liked to get involved and chat things up, but he seems to have been keeping a low profile for awhile now. Who knows?

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    2. Maybe he will put Tim in the Name/URL, xD

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  26. Have you personally met with Jaycee, the Garridos and Shermantine?

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  27. I checked out the JayC foundation to see what it was about, and I'm sorry but I find it sad. It is limited in who it can touch and help. I would have expected a bit more with the scale of money she has received through her lawsuit against the state and whatever she has received through the book and interviews. I don't want to down play what she has been through either.

    I pray for you and your family often, as so many others do.

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  28. First of all.... Oh my god what a post, so honest and strong. Its content flew like an arrow that pierced right into my heart and my tears came fallen, like they've done a hundred times before for Michaela...

    I have a five year old and when I think of the promise of life ahead of her, like you just described Michaelas promise of life ahead of her, your pain becomes my pain. You have such an honest and 'pinpointing way' of describe your feelings and your thoughts, and sometimes I think we are just the same.

    I recognize my self so much in you..... I dont know why, but I can relate to you, not that I have any experiences at all like yours, but I can relate to what you say in a intelligent way and in a emotional way.

    I can understand every thought you have and I agree with your opinions in such a way, that it sometimes feels like your words could actually be mine... I must add humbly, obviously I dont know how it feels, nobody but yourself or any in your position could understand to its full extent, but I think you know what I mean.... I feel close to you, like you've become my friend...

    I guess that is what following a blog is all about....

    I must believe that Michaela is in a good place right now. And I do not mean heaven primarily. I dont feel that it is unlikely for her to still be in this world. And for her to actually have a 'good life' now. Like one of the "anonymous" above said, she is now an adult, and may deal with all the circumstances that surrounds her in a whole other way than we can possibly imagine.

    Life is inscrutable, and also everything that happens in it.... We didn't know anything about Jaycee beeing alive a while ago.

    And more about Jaycee... I totally agree, even though I feel "ashame" talking about her actions in a negative way, I actually have this feeling that 'What is she waiting for?!' I wrote a message on her wall (the wall of her foundation?) The message was partially about Michaela. And no, the wall wasn't packed with messages from people, so I was a bit disapointed that there was no answer. Oh, again I feel ashame even writing these words, just because I know what she endured, and now she probably just want to enjoy life, without feeling that she 'has to do the one and the other'. I read her book, and I know that it took a while for her, to learn to listen to what she, and only she, wanted to do...

    But still, she started this foundation.....

    I have to say. To give ALL that resources to "rehabilitate already rescued kidnap victims"... It is not a bad idea, but it still tuggs at my heart!!! I know that it is "none of my business" but I cant help feeling so strongly that there is so many lost children that NEEDS that resources so much more, so insanely much more.... Imagine what she could do with all these money and especially with all of her publicity. Imagine what she could do for all (still) missing children! Children who are still out there, children who still are lost!

    Who still fights a Garrido! In a dirty tent! In someones backyard!

    I feel so strongly that this woman Jaycee has such a big heart. I could feel that, through her words when I read her book. That's why it bothers me so much, that her actions has not been as strong, as my impression of her was.

    It bothers me so much that her foundation has so much potential! But doesnt seem to provide anything near it.....

    Am I all wrong for thinking this? Oh I wish she could express how she feels regarding this matter.......


    Hugs Asa

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    1. What I felt when I read Jaycee's book is that she is completely disconnected from her emotions. Heaven knows that would not be at all surprising given what she has experienced. What I have experienced is nowhere near as bad, and I have had to fight that disconnect myself.

      I also feel guilty questioning Jaycee's actions and motivations. But we have only what we have seen of her, and that is very little.

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  29. I can agree with you regarding the disconnection from her feelings, but that would be expected, at least not very surprising. But besides that, I did feel that she is compassionate and sympethetic, her love for her animals shows that. And that's why I cant figure out this non existent respons from her, particularly when its regarding a girl who experiencing the same thing as she did.

    (In addition to sending a message on her wall, I have also contacted the Foundation through their website. I have never ever received a response.)

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  30. Dear Sharon,
    Like you said before, commenting on Jaycee will probably draw more debate than warranted but I felt I had to comment. Before I do that let me tell you that I am an ardent follower of your blog and come here everyday hoping and praying to see an answer to your yearning questions.
    I feel that any compensation Jaycee received from the state is fully due to her. And this comes after I viewed the reports and saw videos of parole officers visiting Garrido's home and being within a few feet of Jaycee . It was just plain incompetence and gross negligence of their responsibilities that prevented her from leaving that hell-hole years ago.

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2013342/The-moment-parole-officers-came-feet-Jaycee-Dugard-did-revealed-emotional-interview.html

    Parole officers visited the Garridos' house no less than 60 TIMES over the 18 years they held Jaycee- I am hopping mad just thinking of all those missed opportunities to rescue her. Now, whether suing the state was the appropriate response to this- why not? Can we hold each of these officers accountable by firing them and taking back their pay?? (Which is what they would do to me in my line of work- at least the firing part of it.) I suppose not- but if this action results in the state setting forth new guidelines and training their officers better, I am all for it.
    Don't get me wrong- I am not advocating that the state should be sued for very unsolved murder and kidnapping, that's not the question here- its the fact that not following mandatory procedures that were set forth - like searching a rapist entire premises- resulted in not solving a crime way earlier.
    I'm sure there was a lot of anger that Jaycee and her mom felt after the initial euphoria of finding each other- anger that I feel is fully and entirely justified.
    Again, this was not meant to stir up a hornet's nest( and you don't have to publish it) but who knows, maybe this resulted in solving more crimes just because parole officers now fully follow protocol.
    Always praying for Michaela and rooting for you,
    SR Mom



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    1. Thanks, SR Mom. We have all seen those videos and heard those stories. Nevertheless, the stated amount of the settlement was to compensate her for lost earnings and lost education, etc., and the fact is that she kept her book deal under wraps until after that settlement was made.

      And I'll tell you, there are people in the Hayward Police Department who have made mistakes and have not done things properly at various times over the years. But there are other people who are pouring their hearts into it. If Michaela should be found by the Hayward PD through excellent police work (as Jaycee was) and it should turn out that someone somewhere made a mistake, I will not be suing the agency that employed both those people.

      And I saw the Garrido property. It would have taken some amazing sixth sense to know that HIS property went beyond the fence line you could see.

      This is an unjustifiable award as far as I'm concerned.

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  31. I agree. Obviously I do think that she deserves an amount so she and her girls can catch up in all the ways they need.

    But that amount was crazy.

    And my big question is, how does lesser money for the PD generate better policework. They already lack so much money. I feel it isn't fair against all other victims that still needs to be found... Its irresponsible!

    But anyways, now when she DOES have all this money, lets hope for some actions....

    Its not to late for the foundation to make a difference.

    I

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    1. Asa, my point was that as horrible as what happened to them may be, if the award was made to make up for financial need, as it was stated, she actually benefited far more financially from her book, making probably more from her story than she would have made in a lifetime otherwise.

      And you are right, why take from others in such an astounding amount? We don't have the resources for investigations, and the schools in the state are all suffering, and so are the students, from kindergarten through college.

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  32. I have felt that even though she deserved to have some money for the life she was robbed of, it was a large amount of money, and probably set other investigations back. they could have sold Garridos house and gave her the money.
    Unfortunately Good cops are usually given orders by people that are dealing with budgets, expenses and politics. When those three things are involved, then decisions like "well maybe we dont want to spend huge amounts of investigation money, when we will get sued if we find the victim. I would HOPE that isnt done but lets face it.....there are people that really dont care as much as we do.
    Jaycee appears to be on the edge emotionally to me, which is what you would expect. But she could really get the politicians moving on reform and finding other missing kids, just by being an advocate. I know Marc Klass gets heat from people but his foundation is trying to make a difference, and the Smart family has made themselves available to help with these issues. Jaycee and her Mom seem to think the best course of action is to sue the federal government instead of being a voice for the missing! And that is very Sad.

    * Rod

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  33. The thing is imagine all the money all the lawyers got then the taxes she's lucky if she walked away with 8 million.

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  34. I know this thread means no harm, but I think we need to tread lightly when discussing Jaycee and the large amount of money she received. What if she were reading this blog and saw the comments of what she should be doing for others or where she should be spending the money. She is emotionally damaged and it will likely take a lifetime of emotional and psychological rehabilitation for her and her daughters to overcome or even deal with the trauma that her 18 years of captivity and torture has caused. Yes, it was an incredible amount of money, but let's please not put expectation on Jaycee at this point. Not everyone can come up from tragedy and see the greater good and contribute to humanity in every way they can. For some people, it takes time--maybe a lifetime--to process what has happened to them and to process the emotional needs of others and how best to help others through their tragedy. I am sure she is still suffering and trying to grip any emotional sanity she is building. Emotionally, she is probably still a scared little 11 year old girl who was kidnapped by an evil man. If she is not doing everything we think she should, please give her time. Not everyone triumphs. Sometimes wounds run deep. Sometimes tragedy interferes with our better judgment and greater purpose.

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  35. I do follow this blog and Sharon, I think you are amazing. I have hung ribbons for Michaela in Sydney on several different occasions and i hope with all my heart Michaela is reunited with you and your family.

    But I do agree with what KimP said. Unless we are Jaycee, we do not know what she is going through or how she is healing. Elizabeth Smart for example was held yes, but not for 18 years, and wouldn't every case be different on how each kidnapped individual copes after rescue? It has only been 3 years, and she has a lot to work through - I understand her first priority is healing herself, her girls and her family, before she can help others. And she has done a great thing already, starting her foundation. Please give Jaycee some time. Perhaps she is not like others who can come forth so confidently and easily. It is a lot of money yes. But I do think that it would be a bit upsetting for her if she was reading some things said. And lets face it, we don't know her personally.

    I thought the same as you Sharon, when i read her book about her being disconnected from her emotions. It may take her a lifetime to reconnect with them.

    I really hope i haven't offended you or anyone else. Just my little opinion.

    Sarah :)

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  36. well said Kim... And a part of me feels like that also, but I think questioning this big amount (to one single human being) is just healthy. If we put Jaycee aside for a moment (and what we think of her foundation) That amount of money is just a fantasyfigure. No single individual needs that much money. But big organizations does. Such as a Police Department...

    And just because she was 'given' that kind of money, I think peoples expectations will be inevitable...Right? I dont know...

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  37. I have always believed that part of what was going on with Jaycee was due to advice from others, including those lawyers who are getting a piece of the pie. And I do know from experience that there are always people around who want to tell you what is best for you. For example, after Michaela was kidnapped, there were "experts" in the area of missing children who insisted that the best thing for the family was to be left alone, for their privacy to be respected. If those people had been the only ones around in the days after Michaela's kidnapping, perhaps I would have believed them. But luckily they weren't. So instead I opened my house and people started arriving early in the morning and stayed until into the night every single day. Some came for a few minutes and left, and some actually came and sat with us all day. This probably helped to save my sanity, because otherwise I would have just sat and let the wheels spin until they had worn ruts in my heart.

    I know with Jaycee she was very vulnerable at the time when she was found, and was also used to being told what to do, so I really think that had a lot to do with the course that she has taken for the last three years.

    And people, since you know that I am not able to keep my feelings to myself, let me confess that there is a little spark of resentment in my petty little heart, because it was Jaycee who was found and not Michaela. I haven't felt this with any other missing child, but I think it is because Jaycee and Michaela's cases were linked for so long because of the similarities in their appearance and in the way they were kidnapped, and then Jaycee was found right here in Michaela's back yard. Also, before she was found I was very emotionally tied in to Jaycee's case. Perhaps because she reminded me of Michaela, for whatever reason, when I looked at the photos of her I was very emotionally affected. So I have very complex and deep emotional feelings around Jaycee and all that has happened from the day she was kidnapped. Perhaps I feel a little betrayed, that after the love I harbored for her in my heart all these years, I guess I felt kind of rejected, and that on behalf not only of myself but all those thousands of people worldwide who I know felt that way about Jaycee, because I feel that for Michaela every day.

    So there you have it, my confessions. Not saying this is rational stuff, people. Not saying it is good. I certainly have dark sides to my feelings, just as every other person involved in these nightmare situations does.

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  38. Oh Sharon! I'd have felt exactly the same way- its all very easy to say 'Life's unfair' but when you're living it, only you know what you're going through. I do want to say that if you find your answers someday and never write another word on this blog, I'd still be very happy for you because I have no other conflicting emotions vying to get to the surface. A simple yet mundane analogy- there was a time when I could not afford a home and all the folks I knew around me were buying homes and raising their families, I was genuinely happy for them but at the same time quite sad and envious, mostly because my living conditions were not very conducive to bringing up my family. Today I do own a home, my family has a place to call their own where they are safe and cannot be asked to leave EVER, it took a few years of hard work but we did it. Now when I hear of folks making it through sheer hard work and determination, I wholeheartedly share their happiness and support them any way I can- and the only reason I can is because I am in a happier place.
    Like all your ardent followers here, I fervently hope you get to a happier place one day with Michaela, like you say on this blog elsewhere, its answers you're looking for and whatever be the outcome, your heart and soul will be in a better place than it is today once you have them. I'd say its a way stronger heart than most of ours,after all the anguish you went through, you brought up your babies and happy confident ones at that too :)- that's the ultimate test and you should be rightly proud of what you've accomplished.
    Sending lots of positive energy your way,
    SR Mom

    ReplyDelete
  39. Sharon, The Garridos LOVE the limelight when Jaycee and possible connections to him are yesterday's news. He will confess to them to his crimes I read from a astrologer that believes the Garridos could have a taken your daughter. && It will take 9 years for him to confess to his crimes. http://voices.yahoo.com/jaycee-dugard-forensic-astrology-will-help-in-8860917.html

    ReplyDelete
  40. Your an amazing woman, I only hope that I can half as strong as you in my everyday life. I pray that God will give you the peace that you so deserve. I believe in miracles and I be will praying tht yours comes very soon. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

    ReplyDelete
  41. You are a victim too, and your feelings are perfectly justified.

    ReplyDelete
  42. According to Wikipedia it says the car that she was taken in looked run down like it was in an accident perhaps it was looking like that cause michaela was not the first person this guy tried to kidnap. As in rushing out hitting things to get away. I know that's useless thinking but idk it is one of those nights where she's been on my mind. <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It was an old beat-up car. I have driven plenty of those myself. ;)

      Delete
    2. Just to clarify, none of them were used to commit any crimes that I know of.

      Delete
  43. Where did the lead that michaela was in the UAE come from?
    - Sarah ❤

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm going to have to refer you to the prior blog entries about this. I think one of them is listed under favorites in the right side column.

      Delete
  44. Sharon, I know deep down in my heart that Michaela would never want you to suffer the way you have regardless of her present circumstance. I also know that being the mother of three girls, I cant imagine feeling anything but pain in not knowing..

    My prayer for you is that your head will fill with all the good thoughts and memories of Michaela and you can feel her arms around you when you need them the most.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks. I know this is true, have always known it is true. It is sad that so many times the good memories are made difficult because in them all there is that sense of having been cheated, having been lied to. I know that probably doesn't make sense, but it's just something that is hard to capture in words.

      Delete
  45. I hate what happened to Michaela. I cannot even begin to imagine how you deal with every day. I really hope and pray you see her again in this life. Hugs.

    ReplyDelete
  46. Sharon, my heart breaks at the thought of what you endure every day. There is no greater suffering for a parent. Please know that there are many who are praying for her. Michaela is in my thoughts and prayers everyday and I know that a higher power will listen to our cries and pleas. You had written once (quite sometime back) something to the effect that life had purpose and that good would prevail over evil, and I believe that strongly.

    Sending you love, good wishes and prayers that Michaela comes back home to you.

    Radhika

    ReplyDelete
  47. Mrs Sharon do you know at what time of the day on January 24 1979 michaela was born? im trying to do astrology on her. so can you please give it to me thnks

    ReplyDelete
  48. Her chart is posted on my other blog at www.thewanderingjourney.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I wanted to do one because the one that i recently read on the forensic astrology blog gives me nausea

      Delete
    2. That was not a natal reading, Thelma. But her chart is on my blog. I do astrology myself.

      Delete
  49. It seems to me that jaycee´s foundation has been very busy

    Family services:
    http://thejaycfoundation.org/jayc-foundation-news/five-families-receive-services/

    School workshops:
    http://thejaycfoundation.org/jayc-foundation-news/new-jayc-groups-begin/

    Law Enforcement workshops:
    http://thejaycfoundation.org/jayc-foundation-news/law-enforcement-training-in-kansas-city/

    http://thejaycfoundation.org/jayc-foundation-news/training-for-washington-state-team/

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  50. I don't know, anonymous. With the length of time and the amount of money I'm not sure this is a good showing. They give THREE DAYS of therapy to kidnap victims reuniting with their families? I'd honestly be more impressed if they gave actual assistance. The time away from work when something like this happens can devastate a family financially, for example. And quite honestly I think the police need assistance in investigations more than they need horse therapy.

    ReplyDelete
  51. Sharon, before you dismiss horse therapy maybe you would learn how the therapy actually works:

    http://www.kentucky.com/2012/03/18/2116449/horses-help-victims-of-sexual.html

    http://blogs.wsj.com/atwork/2012/05/17/leadership-teamwork-and%E2%80%A6hay/

    People left some interesting comments on the article:

    "I was astounded at how quickly people moved into their core issues and how atraumatically they cleared them. Talk therapy doesn’t accomplish what I witnessed among a variety of people engaged in EGE, some of whom only took a one-day introductory course taught."


    "I have personally experienced and witnessed dramatically transformative events in the lives of EGE participants. People have had major breakthroughs in understanding, have broken down emotional barriers, and have walked away truly transformed. These transformations have occurred in time frames of 10 to 45 minutes. Speaking from personal experience, such transformations and breakthroughs would have taken months in traditional therapeutic modalities."

    "Unlike spending a day at a motivational event or reading the latest management book, getting all excited about the latest tips and tricks for managing, the experiences these people have are personal. They are not abstract. They are concrete, personal and effect actual legitimate change – and are therefore lasting."

    The foundation LEO workshops target no only police but parole agencies,social workers, probation agents..

    http://thejaycfoundation.org/programs/workshops/

    Personally I think she has embarked on an ambitious and worthwhile mission.Your mileage may vary,of course.

    Maria -I am the anon poster above-

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Maria, I know and love a number of police officers, and I am happy to see them break through to their core issues. But I'd much rather see them find a missing child.

      Delete
  52. Somewhere in this thread, someone mentioned people giving Mark Klaas a bad time over his Klaas Kids Foundation. But I know Mark, and I have seen the kind of work he does for missing kids. We have had a couple of young ladies missing in the Bay Area in the last year, and I have seen Mark get out there personally with the families, help them to put together their own search headquarters, and help to organize the actual searches, with people and dogs getting out there searching for the missing girls.

    When Michaela was kidnapped, there were lots of missing children's organizations, but only two I really felt making a difference. The Kevin Collins Foundation came into town, set up their own headquarters, printed flyers, mapped the area, and distributed the flyers with maps attached showing where they should be hung so that the area would be fully covered. And believe me, it was.

    The person who really helped me the most was Pat Chavez of Missing Children's Center. She has since passed away and so has her organization, but I called her, and she came to my house the day Michaela was kidnapped and helped set up my own headquarters at my dining room table, and she came back every day. She answered the phone, which rang endlessly, and helped me find my way, helped me keep busy. We didn't do the field searches with Michaela's case, because she had been taken in a car and we had no idea of which part of the big wide world should be searched. I don't know if that was a mistake or not, having seen now how some of these cases just search everywhere forever. But it was the wisdom of the moment, I guess. But Pat is probably responsible for helping to save my sanity by giving me direction and purpose, and by just being pleasant.

    Mark Klaas works very, very hard with these cases, and you know he pours his heart into it. There are few organizations that actually get out there and get involved with the families in this way, but as the mother of a missing child, I can tell you that it is the very best thing that can be done, and this is what Mark is doing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mark is amazing! The one thing I like about him is his complete honesty, he doesnt care if something he says is going to ruffle the feathers of politicians, or anyone else. He is dedicating his life to protecting our kids by lobbying for new laws, and mounting searches. Everyone should go to his facebook page!
      ~ Rod

      Delete
    2. Is there anything that can be done to change the system in how to search for missing people?? A long time ago I sent you an e-mail suggesting something I had seen on the internet about a blog done in China where it encourages people to take pictures of homeless children and post them up because maybe one of them could be a missing child. I honestly do not remember your response back then, but what do you think of that idea?

      Delete
    3. I don't really know what you mean about changing the system in how to search for missing people. I don't think there is anything wrong with the "system" of looking for missing people. It's just a matter of fact that it's hard to find a needle in a haystack. And honestly, the only thing that might make a difference in the investigations into the missing is if investigators were allowed to use torture while questioning suspects or people who might know something, because the problem is that those who know aren't telling.

      Delete
    4. I phrased my question wrong, I didn´t mean there was something wrong with the system. I was trying to say if there was anything else that could be done. And yes, they should send suspects over to Mexico! Over there police sure know how to use torture!
      (I say this about Mexico because I am from Mexico, not as a racist comment)
      Anyhow I am very sorry about what you are going through.
      I say this sincerely, as your reader I wish I could do something to help, and I dare say all of your readers feel the same, that is why we try to come up with ways to help, no matter how bizarre.
      Thanks to your blog, Michaela and your family are in many hearts and prayers.
      Sincerely,
      Angelica

      Delete
    5. I know, I understand that is what motivates most people and I appreciate it. I am not really sure what people can actually do to help. I think the main thing in my mind is just to keep Michaela alive in your hearts, and I believe somehow that will help.

      I'm an immigration paralegal, by the way, so I have heard those stories you are talking about.

      Delete
  53. Did anyone see michaela in the car as it roared down the street? Wouldn't she have banged on the windows someone had to see its just wow that the car never hit other drivers on the road or something what about red lights??? I'm thinking if no one saw her maybe a tazer was used on her like how garrido did with Jaycee. Did they ever use polygraph with him I know he said he had nothing to do with michaela but he is a criminal and I would never trust him.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. At least one person saw and didn't call until three months later. That's a long story that is somewhere in this blog, but I don't have time to go into it now. She said, however, that the car was weaving in and out of traffic, and she took note of it because she thought he would cause an accident. So you are right, it does seem as though someone else would have seen the car. The woman who did come forward didn't know what it was she had seen until she watched the news later that day, but this case was all over the news for ages, so anybody driving down that street must have known about it at some point, and yet nobody called. If we had even known where the car turned off Mission Boulevard it would be helpful.

      Garrido has been polygraphed.

      Just out of curiosity, how did you hear about the tazer? I was told about it but told it was confidential information so I have never shared it. But it's for certain a possibility.

      It's all just a nightmare to contemplate.

      Delete
    2. mrs sharon it was a stun gun i dont know the difference between the 2 phil garridoes crime will come out sooner or later when the limelight doesnt pay attention to him anymore then he will admit to his crimes

      Delete
    3. Philip Garrido does not like the limelight. He lived very much out of the spotlight and under the radar and that is how he managed to keep Jaycee. He had committed crimes before Jaycee and people knew what they were. I don't know if he committed any other crimes, but there is one thing I can tell you for sure, and that is that he did not kidnap Michaela.

      Delete
  54. I read Jaycees book and found out about it there.

    ReplyDelete
  55. I think it was on the 20/20 special too but I can't remember

    ReplyDelete
  56. It's also all over the net too just type in Jaycee dugard taser. Not really confidential if I can find it that easy

    ReplyDelete
  57. Hello Sharon I was just wondering of the picture where we all thought it was michaela was investigated? I mean I know that woman said it was her but did she show any other pictures of herself as a child to make sure? Just trying to help is all. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, we are absolutely positive who that girl is. We heard not only from her but from a lot of other people in the neighborhood. I talked to her and her sister, and they are both actually my friends on facebook and I guarantee they are normal people.

      Delete
  58. We must also not forget Natascha Kampusch, who lived a similiar horror like Jaycee´s. I saw her tell her story in a documentary, and she too talked about how her surviving instincts kicked in, how in a sick way she was relieved sometimes when she saw her captor because he was the only human contact she had and she felt very alone. It also says how for many years Natascha´s mother was a suspect. It is a very sad story also. These girls go through a lot, we really do not know how they are handling what they went through, because we see them very poised and calm when they tell their stories, but in all honesty we have absolutely no idea how psychologically damaged they really are. We are never going to know the extent of damage that was done on their self-image and their souls. So we really have no idea why it is they act the way they do, or do the things they do.
    I know a person that was abused a few times as a child, and the impact that abuse had on his life today is that he is an alcoholic. We hear so many stories about people being abused as a child and today they cant get their lives together and some even fall into drugs, so now try to imagine on top of being abused, these girls are held against their will so many years and are tormented day after day. Imagine what it does to them. It is a wonder we have not heard that these ladies have fallen into alcoholism and drugs.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have Natascha's book but I just have not been able to bring myself to read it.

      You are right about childhood abuse. I have seen that myself.

      Delete
  59. Sharon, I love you for your honesty. Reading this post, I just want to say that if Michaela is being kept against her will, look what jaycee taught us. Kids cope. She would have adapted to survive. She'd be tough and resilient.

    ReplyDelete
  60. Sharon, once again I sit here crying, at a loss as to what to say, and for me thats something! As a mother I know why you have to apologize to Michaela,I would feel exactly as you do. But I believe in my heart that Michaela would tell you you don't have anything to be sorry for. I think she'd be so sad that you take the blame for not protecting her and/or finding her. You did and continue to do everything you can do. I don't presume to speak for Michaela but Im sure she would tell you how proud of you she is. YOU did nothing wrong, some horrible monster did. You were and are a great mother,even through your pain and sorrow,that is evident in your other children.You are an inspiration Sharon. (p.s.I dont know what the "select a profile " means. So even though it says anonymous, it's me, Cris :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Click on the arrow next to Select A Profile and a list will come up. Click on Name/URL and type your name in. Your name should appear when your comment is approved and on the blog.

      Delete
  61. I just watched a show called disappeared and it had a story about Colleen orsborne well way back they found a body and did all the ID stuff said it wasn't her but then dr.g (the coroner chick) redid it and they found out it was her after all these years like 27 years... Thought I would share not that I want Michaela to be gone or anything but the family was upset they worried and hoped for all those years meanwhile they had their answer waiting for 27 years.

    ReplyDelete
  62. You have no reason to feel guilty, Sharon. Just so you know, the comment I made about honesty was about the comments you wrote, not the post. It's probably good to release the deep pockets of grief, occasionally, that stay way below the surface. But don't blame yourself.

    ReplyDelete
  63. I try really hard to respond to comments when they are published, so sometimes when I am not able to respond to every one I feel bad about it. I just want all of you to know that I have read all of your comments (I have to approve comments, so if you see them here you know I have read them). But sometimes I am busy when I approve them, or on my cell phone where it's more difficult to navigate and type, so I don't always post a response. But I want you to know that I read and appreciate all of your kind words so much. Thank you all very much.

    ReplyDelete
  64. Sharon: I wish there was something I could do to reduce your pain, but I know I can't. Here is something I can do. This week I promise to perform a daily act of kindess in memory of your daughter Michaela.
    Sincerely,
    Kathy Barnett
    Concord, CA

    ReplyDelete
  65. was michaela seen screaming for help while the abductor was driving was she seen threw the window ?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Does it matter? Speculating as to every little thing that could have happened to Michaela is fruitless and painful. It does nothing at all towards finding her or helping her.

      Delete
    2. Sharon do you think Michaela could have amnesia and that's why she has not been found.

      Delete
    3. I think it's possible she has forgotten who she is, whether due to amnesia or psychological trauma.

      Delete
    4. If you read through The Kidnapping,which Sharon has laid out on here,it will answer a lot of questions about that day.

      Delete
  66. Hi Sharon, I was wondering if anyone noticed the car/guy in the parking lot before Michaela was taken. Did any of the employees from the market see him in the store. It just seems odd that he would be just be sitting in the parking lot without entering the store.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nobody saw him in the store. He was there for the purpose of kidnapping a child.

      Delete
    2. I am just wondering why he would pick a busy market on a weekend. You would think he would have picked a more secluded spot.

      Delete
    3. It isn't a supermarket. It's a little neighborhood market, so not that busy.

      Delete
  67. Sorry also forgot to say that I think it is possible that this guy saw the girls before they got to the market and followed them there. Nancy

    ReplyDelete
  68. The comment above about whether Michaela was screaming really ticked me off! It just shows that some people are reading this blog for the wrong reasons. It shows they are not concerned at all with your feelings and certainly not for Michaela.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think they were just trying to figure out how the kidnapper got away with her, and whether or not he might have used a stun gun, which we'd been talking about with Jaycee. I don't think their intentions were bad.

      Delete
    2. Oh ok but that's what they should have said instead of putting a horrible mental picture in your head. Everyone knows you have wondered about this a trillion times before. I just think that some people do not realize how Real this is for you. They need to think like if it was their little girl.

      Delete
  69. I asked about the tazer thing no
    My intentions were not meant to be upsetting. Just really want her found she's the same age as me so it's relatable that way. I bet she has not forgot about you Sharon.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks. And I know people often just are trying to figure out how this could have happened. But we don't know a lot of the story.

      Delete
  70. is there any suspects that match the forensic astrologer's description.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. As I recall there were some places that matched, but what was the description of the kidnapper? I would have to look at it again.

      Delete
    2. the abductors has tremendous strength his dignity is a good reason why he got away with this and
      has yet to be found. describes aesthetics such as beauty and charisma. This would seem to indicate
      that our kidnapper was very good looking and also charismatic, which may very well be true. Overall, it is my guess that he has feminine
      qualities and a feminized personality that may bring his sexuality into question. People may assume this man is gay when, in fact,
      he is not. He would be small in body size, delicate almost, with a good complexion and maybe even dimples. Long eyelashes,
      a bow shaped mouth, high cheekbones, all qualities normally admired in women, would make him attractive but in a feminine sense. He may
      attract the wrong kind of attention from others and this is a problem for his ego. This man may be vain and manly in his heart, wishing
      very much to be seen as masculine, strong and fearsome. He might lift weights or otherwise enhance his male physique. He might also be
      tall and shapely in a way, small waisted with fine, probably darker, hair. He might be a singer or dancer and love to perform for others.
      He is the kind of person who desires public approval and seeks an audience when he can.
      Other qualities he possesses might be artistic or musical talent, writing songs or drawing pictures. His home might be well decorated and
      pleasant; this would be his main home not the second home to which he brought Micheala. He would also be seen as a show off, a "fancy pants"
      , so to speak, a natty dresser. But he would also be soft spoken, outwardly gentle and seen as harmless by everyone who knows him.
      He would be last person you would suspect
      of this crime. In fact, it would almost be unimaginable. No one he knows could imagine him hurting a fly, much less a little girl. But,
      in fact, he did and he does this many other times, as well. As I said earlier, he is a complex personality with a weak ego who needs
      approval and cannot tolerate rejection. In his crimes against helpless little girls, he is the god he dreams himself to be and can
      take out his anger at the women in his life, one or more of whom is represented by the children he abducts and kills.

      Delete
    3. Well, we have an eyewitness description of the person who actually committed the kidnapping, and it doesn't match this, unless there was more than one person involved. It does make me stop and think about some people, and then I feel badly because I'm not sure something like this is sufficient to cast suspicion.

      I have always been thankful that we had an eyewitness so I wouldn't have to suspect every single person who has come into my life. But you never know.

      Delete
  71. Sharon, I know that you have said many times that they ruled out that the Garridos are not responsible for taking Michaela. Correct me if I am wrong but I believe I read in Jaycee's book something about a trailer that the Garridos took her to.
    Did they police check this area? It just seems so odd that there was a string of girls who went missing in the same way that Michaela did and within a short time. One would think that the Garrido's would have to have something to do with them. Not to mention the composite sketch. The witness stated the kidnapper had acne or boils. When Phillip was arrested he had that thing on his face too.
    I am too familiar with the dates the other went missing but were any after Jaycee or was she the last one to get taken?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't know why you'd think that just because there were several girls kidnapped in this area that Garrido would have to have anything to do with it. He is certainly not the only person who kidnaps children, you know. Also, he was in jail when Amber Swartz was kidnapped and Nikki Campbell was kidnapped after Jaycee. Ilene Misheloff isn't really in the same age group as the other girls, so I really don't think they are likely to be related.

      And I have never seen any photos of Garrido in which I'd classify him as having acne. This was acne that our kidnapper had, not a thing on the face.

      I really wanted Michaela to be found when Jaycee was. And Garrido was certainly worth looking at. But our PD did that, thoroughly, and they were able to conclude that it was not him.

      Believe me, we have better suspects.

      Delete
    2. I thought that because it is not very often that so many girls go missing in the same area within a short period of time. I never thought that Nikki was related. As for Ilene I thought that maybe she was small and he didn't know how old she was until afterwards.
      I know your kidnapper had acne, but that was years ago. Acne goes away when people get older. Garrido had that huge blemish on his face and just thought that he may have been prone to skin problems in the past.
      The post wasn't meant to make you angry. Just trying to help like the others on here.

      Delete
    3. Well, I wasn't angry before. However, I have to tell you, it irritates the living daylights out of me when people tell me that they have made me angry. I re-read my comment, and although you can't hear the tone of voice in written words, I think you have to make great leaps of assumption to come to that conclusion.

      Believe me, if I'm angry, I will let you know.

      Delete
    4. I have always,personally,felt that Amber,Nikki,and Michaelas cases were connected. I'm not a detective and I'm certain not aware of all the circumstances surrounding the individual cases. But they were between the ages of 4-9,all blond,taken in broad daylight,in their neighborhoods,on a Friday or Saturday. Ilene Micheloff was older,brunette,and was not taken so publicly. I pray every day these girls are found safe.

      Delete
  72. Sharon, can you please tell me where did you do the astrology on Michaela? I want to know what website. Thanks

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's one of my other blogs: www.thewanderingjourney.blogspot.com.

      I'm in the process of trying to unify my blogs a bit, but for now that's where my astrology posts are.

      I didn't do an analysis of Michaela's natal chart, and I also didn't do an exhaustive reading about the time of the kidnapping. I did a brief analysis of our solar return charts for 2012, and I have included biwheels for both Michaela's natal and mine with transits for the time of kidnapping in this blog: http://thewanderingjourney.blogspot.com/2011/07/will-michaela-be-found-in-2012-charts.html

      Thanks.

      Delete
    2. is there page where event astrology charts are done i wanna do some on other missing people

      Delete
    3. Ummm, I don't know. There is an e-mail group through Yahoo called Finding the Lost. They do horary and event charts. It's not something I have ever understood all that well myself. The group isn't really active, but there are probably a lot of cases in the archives. Sorry I can't give you more information, but I don't use yahoo except for groups, and I can't remember my log-in information....

      Delete
  73. have there been any searches in the UAE for michaela?

    ReplyDelete
  74. possible crime scenes, suspects and people that resemble the kidnapper, stuff like that.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There are no possible crime scenes or suspects in the UAE. I have not heard of anybody who resembles the kidnapper there, either, but if Michaela is in the UAE that would make her a human trafficking victim, and the kidnapper would only be the person who took her for the traffickers.

      Delete
  75. I wish there was something we could all do to help you find Michaela. I am a mom too, and my heart goes out to you.

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  76. Hi Sharon, there was a kidnapping case in Finland this week that reminded me of Michaela. An eight year old girl was snatched on her way back from school, a neighbour witnessed it from their window and was able to give a descripton of the van. Kidnapping cases are extremely rare in Finland, and a search was started immediately and the boarders to Russia and Sweden were informed. Luckily, the girl had a mobile phone with her and was able to call her mom and the police from the van. What a courageous and smart girl! The calls were tracked and she was found three hours later in a cabin tied up. The kidnapper was a 22-year old man with no connection to the girl beforehand. Thankfully, this story had a happy ending, but it could have gone very differently. Made me think of you and Michaela, and the unfairness of it all. But there is still, always, hope.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank God she was found. Hopefully she wasn't harmed in any way.

      Delete
    2. I'm glad that she was found lin. Honestly, I consider cell phones to be one of the most important child safety devices around. I have an app on my iPhone called "Find Your Friends," and I can actually use it to keep track of where my kids are at any time. They all know about it, and they don't mind. If anything it keeps me from bugging them, asking them where they are all the time like I used to. In this day and age though, it takes a particularly stupid kidnapper not to be onto the ability to track cell phones, even without an app.

      More to the point, the kids are able to call home whenever they need something, which can keep them out of some potentially dangerous situations in the first place.

      Delete
  77. Missed opportunities to rescue Dugard

    Police failed to make the connection that Jaycee Lee Dugard was kidnapped in South Lake Tahoe, the same location as Garrido's 1976 kidnapping and rape of Katherine Callaway Hall.

    On April 22, 1992, less than a year after her kidnapping, a male caller contacted the Contra Costa County Sheriff's Department from a gas station in Oakley, California, less than two miles from the Garridos' home in Antioch. The caller reported that he saw Dugard in the gas station staring intently at a missing child poster of herself. The caller then reported seeing her leave in a large yellow van, possibly a Dodge. In 2009, after Dugard's release, an old yellow Dodge van was recovered from the Garrido property, one that matched the description of the van given in the call. The license plate was not reported in the 1992 call; and the caller, the girl, and the van were gone by the time police arrived. The caller never identified himself, and the police did not pursue the matter any further.[41] Jaycee Dugard reported that she never left the Garrido property from the day she was kidnapped until shortly before her first child was born in August 1994.[42]

    Wasnt this Michaela ?

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    1. Do you have any idea how many times people have thought that they saw Michaela somewhere? Only it wasn't her. So this was probably not Jaycee. But it for certain wasn't Michaela. It was four years after Michaela's kidnapping, one year after Jaycee's kidnapping. The only way it could have been Michaela is if they'd had her living in the house instead of the yard, because Jaycee has been interviewed by law enforcement personnel, and she says that there were never, ever any other girls involved. She watched all of Garrido's vile videotapes for the purpose of making certain that the girl in each and every tape was her and not another girl. And if they'd had someone else living in the house, the neighbors would have noticed, and they didn't. There are many, many yellow vans in the world and many, many blonde haired girls.

      I'm going to tell you once again that the Garridos were exhaustively investigated, and our investigators are satisfied that they did not kidnap Michaela. And I'm also going to say again that if you had heard the stories of the other people who are among the prime suspects, you would be saying, "Oh my God, it must be this one," about each and every one of them. You are just hanging onto Garrido because he is the only one you know about.

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  78. Sharon do you think its possible that Michaela was not kidnapped and ran away and her friend invented the story?

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    1. Sorry, but that suggestion does make me angry. You have to really know nothing at all about the case to even say such a thing. You do know, don't you, that Michaela was a CHILD, a little girl?

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    2. Sorry Sharon, of the Insensitive comment. And I do care very much about Michaela's kidnapping she haunted me since I was 7 ever since I went to a movie theater to see Oliver and company on that November after Thanksgiving I remember lots if flyers of Michaela flying around the movie theater ever since then I've wondered what happened.

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  79. Sharon, what did Michaela want to study for when she grows up?

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    1. She hadn't thought a lot about college, I don't think. She liked to write, as you can tell, and I have a feeling she would have got into theater like my youngest daughter has. She was supposed to sing a solo in the school Christmas pageant just a couple of weeks after she was kidnapped, and her best friend's family was involved in local community theater, and I'm sure Michaela would have eventually followed suit.

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  80. Do you keep in touch with the families of the other Bay Area missing children (the Swartzes,the Campbells,etc.)?

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    1. I used to, but don't much anymore. I have spoken most often recently to Ann Collins, Kevin Collins' mom. And I have tried to find Kim Swartz but haven't been able to, so if any of my readers know her, would you ask her to e-mail me at sharon.murch@gmail.com?

      Thanks.

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  81. Thank you for sharing this. I haven't cried like this in a long time. I have my own Michaela, she's two years old. When she was a 3 months old I packed a car & drove six hours to live in a new town to keep us safe from an abusive relationship. I started over, and have been very blessed since I made that first leap. Beyond anything I'd imagined. Still, I'm in nursing school now, and there are days I get weary, trying to do so much. And then I read your blog today. Not only am I crying my eyes out, I'm thinking about this mother's love that makes us keep going. Thank you for sharing your story, for somehow you have renewed my spirit to keep on pushing. I'm so sorry that this is your story though. You have my greatest sympathies and my prayers as well. My heart hurts and I don't know how you have managed to carry on. Maybe as I read more of your blog I will find out. Seems like you must have stopped breathing for awhile. I don't know how you did it. My heart is full right now and there are many things I'd like to say to you, but there are no words. I know you love your daughter fiercely and I pray to God that you find what you seek.

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    1. Thanks Jen, and congratulations for making that new start. Believe me, I know all those feelings you spoke of. There have been a number of times in my life when I felt as though I couldn't breathe for extended periods of time ... and always over my kids. And I know it is hard to keep pushing yourself also. There have been times in my life I have thought that I have survived the worst that could happen and so I can do whatever else it is I need to do. But the fact is that having survived the worst that could happen doesn't actually lessen the difficulty of all those other things. Sometimes it is even the tiniest things that make me want to just collapse in a puddle. But you can do it, and it will be worthwhile for yourself and for your Michaela.

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  82. p.s. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WCsT8BFSD74

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