Wednesday, December 5, 2012

I've decided

As the time draws closer ... not sure when it will be ... could be this week, could be next month ... I have decided that I want the answer to be no.  I have come to know how to live this way. I don't know how to live the other way.  I know there is a lot to be said for peace and closure, for perhaps being able to complete the grieving process, but I am just not sure I have the resources to negotiate the change.

16 comments:

  1. Hi Sharon,

    I don't know you. I'm a mother of two young children and I've been touched by your writing, your strength, and of course, by Michaela's story. I can only begin to imagine the searing pain in your heart and I'm amazed by the resilience of your spirit. I'll bet Michaela has a resilient spirit too. From my limited perspective, hope seems like a better option than knowing such an awful truth, even in light of the pain of not knowing. I too hope that the answer will be no, that you will continue your search, and that one day Michaela will be back in your life. My fingers are crossed for conclusive, negative results. It seems that reaching out to people helps you through these dark times, so I hope you can keep doing that. I believe that you do have the resources to negotiate the change if the answer is yes, but for now, let's keep hoping that it's no.

    Best wishes to you and your family. This must be a particularly difficult holiday season for you. Take care of yourself.

    Cindy

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  2. Sharon,

    I haven't commented here very many times, but I check here everyday looking for updates. I can sense how drained you are. I wish it was possible for us to take some of the burden from you to help lessen the load and give you some relief. I second everything Cindy said, and will hope and pray the answer is no. Prayers being lifted up from Michigan.

    Love,
    Becki

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  3. Yes!!!! We're with you,
    Hugs!
    SR Mom

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  4. Sharon,
    I've watched for weeks as you've struggled for what you hope this test will mean for your family and Michaela. I don't believe as a mother I could make a choice. Either way, the decision would be too hard for me to make. You are so strong to have made that choice for yourself. I pray that you receive the answer you need and want, so that you might continue to place sheep on the vase, until Michaela comes home to you. But I also pray you will just show the rest of them to her some day soon.
    I hold my breath with you. My heart aches for you and your family. I pray to the God I know has shown me grace and mercy, and protected me at times I will never understand, to reach down and comfort the unbearable aching you must feel in your heart. I send you hugs, even though you have tremendous support of family and friends.

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  5. I check back here often and am thinking of you. I echo everything the very first poster said. Just thinking of you so much right now. Hugs and prayers for you.

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  6. I hope and pray for a no. I don't know much to say right now because words seem so minimal. But just know I am praying for you and Michaela and send you all my love.

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  7. No matter what the answer turns out to be, we will continue to support you!

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  8. All my prayers, love and support are with you and your family. I also want the answer to be No! Its an awful decision to have to make, and I hope the person or persons that took her are paying 10 fold for this.

    I hope you can feel all of the love and support throughout the world for both of you.

    Most of all take care of yourself mentally and physically as best you can.

    Take care
    Rod R.

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  9. love and prayers Sharon.I still believe in miracles.

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  10. Sharon: I thought a while about writing this to you. And I decided I would. It is meant to bring you some type of peace even if the results are not what we hope they will be - that it is not Michaela. You don't even have to post this if you don't want to. But about a year and a half ago,I went to the funeral service for a 17 year old girl whom I taught. She died as a result of a 4-wheeler accident. It was one of the saddest funerals I had been to because she was so young. The pastor who gave the eulogy told of his daughter who was ten and died several years earlier in a car accident. He said that he stuggled so much with God taking her so soon; it consumed him hourly,daily. And it was all he could do to put two feet on the floor in the morning. But he said about 2 years after,he made up his mind to live each day to see her again. He knew she was with God and he no longer felt God had taken her but she was waiting for her dad to see him too. He made it his lifes mission to take every step he could to see her again. He said God had to forgive him for all he'd done in his life so he could be with Jennifer again. I was uplifted by that and it made a tragic event a little more consoling. He was speaking to her parents because they,like you,will live to see their little girl again. I have been thinking about you and Michaela so much lately. I pray with all my heart the next few weeks bring good news.

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  11. Hi Sharon,
    I have been thinking a lot about your family lately. I have been flooded with memories of Michaela and when we used to babysit the other kids. I remember how much Michaela and I loved to listen to Cyndi Lauper. I have such fun memories and also feel sad. I am now a mother too and I can imagine how you feel I am praying for you and your family. I hope that whatever the results are that you can continue to be strong and know that so many people care. We continue to pray for Michaela to come home safe.

    Love and prayers, Isa

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  12. Faith Rose, 12 (previously No Name 11 year old)December 15, 2012 at 6:41 PM

    Dear Mrs Murch,
    Hi! I was the no name 11 year old who wrote to you before. Now I am 12. Take it from me. Whether you post this or not, think about it. Would Michaela want you to know the answer, or not? I still am very touched, and hope you either find her or get the answer you are looking for. Maybe, if you find her, could you tell her a bit about me? their have been several such incidents in m y town, and sometimes I am afraid. I'd like her to know that I heard her story, commented, and that I'd like to be friends with her. She sounds like someone who would have made a great friend. Again, I hope you seriously consider what I said, and I will comment again. Thanks for actually listening to a mere 12 year old.

    My most sincere condolences,

    Love, Faith Rose,12 years old.

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    Replies
    1. Congratulations on your birthday! I have a terrible memory, so I'll tell you what, if I find Michaela, I will write about it on my blog, and you have to promise to comment on that so she can read it.

      Take care, Faith Rose.

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  13. Sharon,I know this may sound so weird but as I've said before Michaela and I would be the sane age. We were both "80s kids". I was a big fan of Michael Jackson,cabbage patch dolls,Saturday morning cartoons,and Karate Kid,among other things. I had forgotten what it was like to be 9 but Michaelas life has brought back fond memories of my own. And Id like to thank her and you for that. Also I watch movies and listen to music like Pat Benatar and think about her. I hope you can let the great picture of her,that beautiful fair haired 9 year old girl take over the image you have of her. That's how I picture her - mismatched socks,riding a scooter,singing a Pat Benatar song.

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  14. Sharon, I am praying that it is not her bones. I hope your beautiful daughter is found. If you find she did not make it I have already asked my beautiful son who went to heaven to make sure they are together and she is taken care of. He is always a part of our life and I know he looks after us. But I pray she is found.

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