Monday, July 22, 2013

Losing Bella



I sit beside the fire and think of all that I have seen,

of meadow-flowers and butterflies in summers that have been;
Of yellow leaves and gossamer in autumns that there were,
with morning mist and silver sun and wind upon my hair.
I sit beside the fire and think of how the world will be
when winter comes without a spring that I shall ever see. 



For still there are so many things that I have never seen:
in every wood in every spring there is a different green.
I sit beside the fire and think of people long ago,
and people who will see a world that I shall never know.
But all the while I sit and think of times there were before,
I listen for returning feet and voices at the door.
J.R.R. Tolkien


Well, I'm back, and I guess I owe an explanation for my absence the last couple of months. The photo above is of my daughter, Johnna, with my nine-year old chocolate lab, Bella. It was taken on the last day of Bella's life. Born on February 14, 2004, she died on June 28, 2013. She had a really aggressive mammary cancer (breast cancer).  From the time I first noticed it until the time she died was perhaps a month.  It grew like wildfire and spread to her lungs.  The hardest part was watching her suffer, not even really knowing the depth of it. Finally, though, she became unable to breathe. She negotiated the length of the living room and my daughter and I helped her up onto the couch, and she was panicking because she couldn't catch her breath. She pointed her nose up towards the window, which was closed because it was an oppressively hot day. Johnna and I took turns fanning in front of her face so she would feel the air, because that seemed to help her. We piled up blankets for her to lean against, because she was exhausted but couldn't lie down, whether because it was painful or because it made it more difficult to breathe.

I'd spoken previously about Bella to a dear and wonderful person whose name and praises I'd like to shout to the sky. I am not going to do that because I have to respect her privacy and I don't want her to be receiving requests from others to do this. She is licensed to perform euthanasia, and she had said that when the time came she would come to our house to put Bella to sleep. I am so grateful for that. On that day when Bella was no longer able to breathe, I told her it was time. All of Bella's family gathered in my living room that evening. Bella was sitting upright. Johnna was on one side of her and I was on the other, and we each held her. I'd been told by several people how fast euthanasia is, but I don't think anything could have prepared me for it. I will forever remember the feeling of Bella literally collapsing in my arms. Just that fast, her suffering was ended. But just that fast, she was gone. Gone from our lives, but gone from her own life as well.

One of my all-time favorite books is "The Art of Racing in the Rain" by Garth Stein. This is the story of a family told by its dog on the last day of his life. He keeps saying that when a dog dies he gets to come back as a person. In the last week or so of Bella's life, I kept telling her this. She'd had a number of struggles in life. She was a shy dog, which is a term for fearful and untrusting. It's my suspicion that she had some abusive experiences before she came to live with us at eight weeks of age. She remained shy for her entire life, but at home, with our family, with people she knew, she was the sweetest, most loving dog you could ever meet. I told her that she had the best, strongest, sweetest heart in the world, and that in her next life she would be rewarded for overcoming her fears and learning to love. (Funny, I'd never thought about it before, but as I write this, I am realizing that this is a direct reflection of one of the key themes of my own life.)

But I don't know, and that's the sad thing. To make the decision to end the life of a living being is a terrible, terrible thing. Anybody who knows me that I really really hate ever killing anything. I try to catch and release whenever possible. Mind you, I'm a germophobe also, so the presence of some of these things in my house is really disturbing. But when I close my window on a day that is growing hot and I see a fly caught in between the window and the screen, I always shoo it out so it won't fry in the heat of the sun, even though I know that it will crawl on my food later in the day if it gets a chance. I catch spiders and take them outside. If I see an ant on the counter, I actually put it in the garbage. If a line of ants wants to come to my garbage can, I don't care. Only if they start parading on my counters do I take lethal action. Most people would say I anthropomorphize, but I attribute all sorts of feelings to these little creatures. I envision their expectation of life, and I cannot take it upon myself to end it.

I couldn't watch Bella suffer anymore. Being unable to breathe is a terrible thing. But ending life is a terrible, terrible thing. I have always said that I am not afraid of dying itself. I don't believe in heaven and hell. I figure either I will go on or I will not, and if I don't then I won't care. It's really for the people left behind that I fear my own death, because I don't want them to suffer. But to have a hand in taking life from another, especially another that I love so much, breaks my own heart regardless of the good reasons for doing it.

And of course, every experience of loss contains within it every other experience of loss. I don't think it is possible to experience a new grief without every grief you have ever felt rising up to join in. We suppress grief eventually, so that we can go on with life, but it isn't something that really heals. You know, for Michaela I know this is true as well, if she is alive. However long it has been, however much has changed, however deeply entrenched she may have become in the new life she has been subject to, I know that underneath it all lies a vein of loss. Only this loss can be healed.

With the loss of Bella, there is another little heart that is broken. Bella was a 90-pound Lab, and I have an 8-pound Miniature Pinscher who loved her. I had him in his crate during the actual euthanasia, but afterwards I let him out. He came and sniffed Bella's mouth, perhaps wondering why she wasn't breathing. She had a blanket around her, and he crawled inside the blanket. Since then, he has been okay when someone is with him, but when he is alone, he howls with grief. Because of the difference in size, it didn't seem that Spike and Bella spent a lot of time together, but I am recalling now that whenever I left for work, if I came back in the house to get something, Bella would be on the couch, where Spike's blanket is (he has to have something to burrow in). It had never before occurred to me that what she was doing was keeping him company. Perhaps he has always been sad, or scared, when left alone, and Bella knew that. At any rate, when Bella was here, he didn't howl like he does now. Often there is someone else here, my daughter asleep in her room, my husband downstairs in the garage. (This is how I know about the howling.) It had been my plan to keep Spike as an only dog, but now I think I will have to get a friend for him.

Bella and Spike, on Bella's last day.
Who knows what they were saying to each other in this moment.
Well, one day I hope to be able to write a happy blog. In the meantime, thank you for bearing with me and sharing my heart.

Bella, I hope that you are running free in a meadow somewhere, with that beautiful smile on your face, your tail high in the air, no fear of anything anywhere, only happiness, and the knowledge that were and always will be loved.

And Michaela, I love you forever.
mom

99 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I hope and pray you begin to find some peace in knowing that Bella is no longer suffering and you actually gave her the greatest gift that you could. Many people believe that killing an animal is absolutely wrong and it is - in some contexts. But when they're suffering so much, I believe it's cruel to let them linger in that state. Again, I wish you the very best and hope that you can smile remembering sweet Bella.

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  2. " I don't think it is possible to experience a new grief without every grief you have ever felt rising up to join in." What a profound statement, and how true. Sharon, how is your book going? You're a wonderful writer. I hope you can finish it.

    Cindy

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  3. oh! She's a beautiful dog! And though I don't have a dog, I can feel your pain in your writing- Bella must've sensed all the love in her last moments and moved on peacefully.
    Hugs!
    SR Mom

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  4. So Sorry for your loss, Sharon. Hugs and blessings to you for peace and healing. Bella sounds like a wonderful dog and friend. The love of a dog is so special and the ability for a dog to share all the routine moments in your life with joy. My dog loves joining me for chores, going for walks and laying by my feet. You honor her by telling her story, your love for her and by helping her through her illness and death. I think we all long for what you were able to give her -- love and loyalty. Thinking of you during this sad time.

    Gayle

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  5. I'm so sorry Sharon about your precious Bella. I was with my Mom when she had to have her cat Lillie put to sleep. It was so sad and so hard but she got real sick and there was nothing they could do for her. It's still a very hard thing to do because we love our pets so much.

    I cried as I read all you wrote. You've been on my mind a lot lately and I've prayed more for you. I pray your heart and mind will be filled with beautiful memories of "BELLA"

    I love your picture of Bella and Spike looking at each other. I believe they were communicating to each other. Bella was probably telling Spike she loved him and it would be okay and to take care of and be a comfort to you and the rest of your family.

    When my cat Shahbu was dying 6 yrs. ago he went up to my cat his brother Tahbu and stood there for about a minute and it looked like they were talking to each other. Then about 5 minutes later Shahbu died. Also about 10 minutes before this Shahbu went up to my Grandsons bed and meowed to wake him up like he was saying goodbye. It was so sad.
    I felt like Shahbu told Tahbu to take care of my Grandkids and me. Tahbu was never close to me and then he became very close to me. Now he sleeps on my pillow next to my head and sometimes on my chest. A few years later we got another cat named Angel and Tahbu loves her.

    Praying for peace and comfort for you and your family and continuing to pray for Michaela to be found.

    Hugs from Thelma Mandera

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Thelma. That is a beautiful story. I wish animals could talk.

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    2. THEY DO!! But it is in quick pictures flashed between their ears- directly above the top of their head. It is easiest to see when they have a solid color background behind them, the question asked is brief, repeated slowly, and while requesting looking into their eyes while gently petting with long strokes from their neck to their lower back.

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    3. ...The reason for the long strokes down the spine is to connect with their emotion that links with the picture image.
      Once while pet-sitting for the day my friend’s dog was not eating. When asked “What is going on? She flashed a quick picture of a large gathering of cheerful people at their house but the emotion was sadness at feeling left out. My friend acknowledged over the phone having a group of relatives over and her dog sat curled up under a chair the whole time.
      After being petted, reminded of her specialness and cuddled much she headed straight to her food bowl!
      “What do you need?” has been a question I most often use. Often the answer is as simple as a flash of yellow (gotta wee wee) blue (water bowl needs more) red (something is aching please ck for boo boo’s) green tree with sunlight (would luv to be out side sniffing and exploring) etc...
      Once I needed deep concentration time and 2 visiting dogs barked at every little noise. When I asked them what is needed a T.V. was flashed by 1. I turned it on low, they stopped barking, and I continued concentrating with headphones on:)
      BEWARE : Once a pet realizes they are understood a lil more they will often try and indicate their need throughout the day is their favorite treat! (when actually their need is a lil loving word or petting)

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    4. JOB 12:7 “” But ask now the beasts, and they shall teach thee;...…” http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Job+12%3A7-10&version=KJV

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  6. http://www.theprovince.com/news/bc/Michael+Dunahee+lookalike+asked+provide+blood+sample+Victoria/8703619/story.html'

    thought you might find this interesting

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    1. I saw this earlier but I will be very surprised if it amounts to anything. These kinds of leads come up regularly with age progressions, but the age progressions are usually far from accurate unfortunately.

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  7. “The Rainbow Bridge Poem” “ with music and slideshow. A video by Chance's Spot Pet Loss…….”
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ig3S86-p1A4

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  8. May you find peace in knowing that your beautiful girl Bella is no longer suffering. I know it is hard, I too have lost a four legged friend that was very dear to my heart, but I did find comfort in knowing that the pain and suffering was gone. She definitly is a beautiful girl!!

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  9. FOR SPIKE… For this difficult time :’( Youtube video called “ MUSIC TO RELAX DOGS!” One of many by “relaxmydog”….
    Condolences to all of you.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EdqpYsEL0cA

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  10. http://www.reuters.com/article/2013/07/29/us-usa-crime-prostitution-idUSBRE96S0NC20130729
    I thought of Michaela's case when I read this- it amazes me that child prostitution rings are still out there in this day and age...
    SR Mom

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    Replies
    1. I thought of Michaela also. You never know when another case might lead to information in hers.... Here's hoping anyway.

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    2. (8/2) CBS NEWS ..17 Embassies closing this weekend (Including UAE!)"out of an abundance of caution."……It would not surprise me if Organized Crime groups, such as human traffickers, will be spot-lighted in all the closed Embassy regions…HOPE CONTINUES!


      “As of 7:00 a.m. ET Friday, at least 17 embassies have announced that they will close on Sunday in accordance with the State Department's guidance, including the U.S. embassies in Bahrain, Egypt, Iraq, Israel, Jordan, Kuwait, Libya, Oman, Qatar, Saudi Arabia, United Arab Emirates, Yemen, Afghanistan, Bangladesh, Mauritania, Sudan and Djibouti.” ..http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-202_162-57596614/sources-al-qaeda-plot-tied-to-embassy-closings-on-sunday/

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  11. i'm sorry... i am feeling your pain freshly as well. my 15-year-old cat had to be put to sleep a couple weeks ago, and just this morning i cried about it. of all the cats & dogs we've had over the years, this was our first to choose to put to sleep. we watched her struggle to walk, which we chose to let her live through because she had happy times, that was just her personality. but then she became incontinent, and while i would've dealt with the mess, she was miserable - clearly for that to happen, something was wrong, especially as it was both #1 AND #2.

    i couldn't do it, so my Mom took her. there is a home-euthanasia practice here, one that can do it in their mobile practice or your home/yard/wherever, but we chose to take her because we wanted to ask the vet if they agreed it was time. they did, and my Mom said it was AMAZING how peaceful & fast it was! they did the first shot to basically drug her up, and the vet said you would be able to see on her face when the pain left. my Mom was skeptical, but said it was just as the vet told her! then when she was ready, she let them give her the one to stop her heart... (crying again :-P)... and within a minute she was gone. not sure how long it is for dogs, but my cat was pronounced dead a minute later. overall, my Mom said that she was definitely now all for euthanasia when the time is right. we've always been afraid we'd feel too guilty, and God has answered our prayers in the past and taken our other fur babies before we had to make that choice. but with Pouncer we knew we were being selfish, there was literally a time where one day she had a quality of life and the next she didn't, and after all she gave to us, it was our turn to help her. i couldn't go, both because i was afraid i'd physically restrain the vet from injecting her, and because i'd see her gasp or something. but apparently it literally IS "putting them to sleep."

    have you read the poem, "The Rainbow Bridge"? someone sent it to me after our dog died on her 14th birthday two years ago. (we were going to call the home euthanasia place, so the night before, i asked God to take her and spare us from that, and He did.) it will make you cry, but also is a great thought. when we had to put Pouncer to sleep, in our home we call it "she has an appointment on the Rainbow Bridge."

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  12. Hi Sharon,

    I'm so sorry to hear you had to go through this. I went through the same on June 7th and I can relate to what you write.

    It's not only having to say goodbye, which is hard enough by itself, it's having to decide "this is it, your time is over", struggling to decide if maybe it's not so bad just yet, or will it get worse tonight? He seems worse than yesterday but still looks quite ok so do I dare waiting until tomorrow, but what if he gets worse during the night quickly?

    I realised it all went down to a question: how can I decide that your time, my adorable furry friend, is up?

    I dídn't know if he could have been spared a couple of days more, but I didn't want to run the risk he'd get worse in the middle of the night and I couldn't have been able to help him if his breathing difficulties got worse.

    I got dressed, got into a taxi and 30 minutes later my sweet furry angel fell asleep in my arms, yes, all too quickly so I hardly had the time to realise we only had a few short minutes left together before he was gone.

    I know I did the right thing, I know I spared him unnecessary suffering as there was no hope, but as you say, a new loss brings up all the previous ones. I've never been through what you have, I know nothing can compare to losing a child, but I know what loss is like and when a new loss takes place it certainly brings up all the others.

    I feel some comfort in the fact that he's no longer in pain, that this Mediterranean summer heat would have been too much too him and he's been spared that.

    And I also hope he's playing and running free somewhere, like your Bella.

    M.

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  13. Hi Mrs. Murch. I found this on a random site called findadeath.com, and i thought it was odd..maybe? I dont know if you heard it, sorry to bother u, i was searching for "Mich aela Blog" and this came up.. thx for ur time.
    Thread: Michaela Garecht

    Thread Tools

    02-11-2012, 02:53 PM #1
    Pooh-Bear
    Pooh-Bear is offline Death Hag

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    Michaela Garecht

    If this is a major thread elsewhere, forgive me and I apologize for taking up space.

    Michaela Garecht will haunt me for the rest of my life. I was so near, yet so far. I was living in Marin County at the time of her abduction in Hayward Calif. Like everyone else I was horrified. A few years later I ended up back on the east coast and was watching Americas Most Wanted with my elderly aunt. A story came on about a boy on a paper route that was snatched off of his bike in one of the southern states. Awful yes, but it didn't hit home until they flashed a sketch of a possible suspect. I rang a bell. It looked just like the one they had out of the monster that took Micheala. My aunt watched me go crazy as I ran to the phone. I couldn't get through to Americas Most Wanted and called the PD in San Rafael. After I babbled my story to the poor confused dispatcher, she put me on hold. When she got back on she told me that other calls were coming in with the same information. That was the last contact I had with the story. In short...they suspected the boy had been taken by a child pornography ring and I would imagine Michaela was too. For the record...there are many reasons I do not sleep well at night...this is just one of them..PB

    Reply With Quote

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    1. Thanks for thinking of us, but yes, I have heard this hundreds of times. I am very familiar with the whole thing, saw the program, investigated it thoroughly. Someone used one of the composites created for our case to identify someone they said was involved in a different case. There has been so much other misinformation involved in that case, though, that I don't really hang any hopes on it. And we did, by the way, meet with the private detective working on that case at that time.

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    2. the same composite appears on the johnnygoesh website, I think that's the case...the exact same man, but I believe the crime was six years prior...sorry to bring up horrible memories...

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    3. That's because the Johnny Gosch people use our composite on their website.

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  14. Sharon, I've wanting to ask this question, have Curtis Anderson, James Daveggio and Michelle Michaud been ruled out as suspects?

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    1. I'm glad they ruled out, those chilling possibilities. I recently read that Michaela's abductor resembles Leticia Hernandez from Oceanside, tell me more about that.

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    2. Michaela's abductor apparently resembles many, many, many people. I have never heard of Leticia Hernandez.

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    3. CURTIS ANDERSON! I looked up articles after he was mentioned here. I deeply wish they had not closed the “1988 disappearance of 7-year-old Amber Swartz, of Pinole” case without locating her .Two, of many articles I read, (links below) indicate 2 KIDNAP SURVIVORS OF CURTIS (1 adult 1 child-years apart) were connected by him to HIS MOTHERS HOUSE in Vallejo. The rescued child’s scent was picked up there and the kidnapped adult testified to the fact of being taken there.
      I wonder if Amber Swartz family (& others) would find the healing or closure needed if this house & property were more comprehensively searched. Like the Speed Freak duo some do crimes with other male partners. Evidence of hidden places in houses has been proven in missing cases :’( including RESCUED Abby D. and Natascha K:
      “Abby Drover was 12 years old in March 1976 when she was kidnapped…by a neighbour, Donald Alexander Hay. She was held for 181 days in ** a hidden cement bunker under Hay's garage** in the Vancouver suburb of Port Moody before being rescued…. “Natascha Kampusch was snatched on her way to school and held for eight years in * a small cellar under the garage* of her abductor, Wolfgang Priklopil, in Austria”. http://www.cbc.ca/news/world/high-profile-cases-of-children-who-survived-abductions-1.987409
      1) “ In April 1992, Anderson was found guilty of assaulting and falsely imprisoning an acquaintance's wife, Dina Rae Stansbury. He then forced her to accompany him to **his mother's house**, where he held her at gunpoint and demanded her credit cards. Then he forced the woman to drive him to Oregon. “ ( 8/15/2000) http://www.sfgate.com/bayarea/article/Xiana-Link-Probed-in-Kidnap-Suspect-in-Midsi-3238619.php#page-2
      2) Aug 18-2000)“ authorities** searched the Vallejo home of Anderson's mother**… looking for clues yesterday. Police dogs picked up the scent of Midsi, and investigators carried out about 10 brown paper bags holding potential evidence. “ http://www.sfgate.com/bayarea/article/Xiana-Link-Probed-in-Kidnap-Suspect-in-Midsi-3238619.php


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    4. New update about Amber Swartz! “ Friday, September 27, 2013”
      It includes beautiful progressed photo-Mother’s request 4 case 2b reopened—FBI and PD response--reference to”an On-line petition” &“Swartz also hopes to lobby for state legislation that would mandate keeping missing person cases open as long as someone is missing”

      Amber Swartz: 7-year-old missing since 1988—
      http://www.missingpersonsofamerica.com/2013/09/amber-swartz-7-year-old-missing-since.html

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    5. You mothers are amazing!! I Just learned from 9/26/2013 “Contra Costa Times article “Swartz said she wants to revive her dormant Amber Foundation for missing children”! —ALSO “Deuel's petition to reopen the case, directed to the Pinole Police Department, is on the Website Change.org and can be accessed at http://chn.ge/160acPy. As of Thursday, the petition had gathered more than 1,100 supporters.”  http://www.contracostatimes.com/west-county-times/ci_24183682/amber-swartz-petition-asks-authorities-reopen-investigation-into-missing-pinole

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  15. http://articles.latimes.com/1989-12-30/local/me-901_1_bay-area

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    1. This article says that their kidnapper and our kidnapper couldn't be the same person. Someone in their late teens in 1988 isn't going to still be in their late teens in 2013.

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    2. They could be the same person, this is an old article from 1989, Leticia was kidnapped in 1989 not 2013. I'm sure you probably already heard of this long ago, if you did you probably don't remember.

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  16. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2397902/Man-21-abducted-child-traffickers-19-years-ago-reunited-family-routine-DNA-test-reveals-true-past.html

    thought of you when I saw this.

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  17. QUESTION AND THE REASON: I recently had a dream where the PALM PRINT from Michaela’s scooter rose up and began to form the features of the specific male involved. I just did some on-line “palm print research” and learned about NPPS on an FBI website.

    ??? Has the PALM PRINT found on Michaela’s scooter been run through the NPPS (National Palm Print System) also known as NGI- Next Generation Identification Program?
    There is also a FBI story on this link about a 30 yr cold case being resolved through this system. HOPE CONTINUES!

    http://www.fbi.gov/news/podcasts/thisweek/national-palm-print-system.mp3/view

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    Replies
    1. I had another dream. In it a Sketch Artist slowly drew a pic reflecting SUSPECT AGE PROGRESSION. The sketch was released to the public…some time went by….then the composite sketch had a bold lettered word stamped across it “RESOLVED”!

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    2. “And it shall come to pass afterward, that I will pour out my Spirit on all flesh; your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, your old men shall dream dreams, and your young men shall see visions.” http://www.openbible.info/topics/dreams_and_visions

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    3. One special Sketch Artist experience’s : “Over the years, Enslow has sketched more than a thousand composites and testified hundreds of times. Her efforts have contributed to the convictions of hundreds of felons, including individuals in high profile homicides, rapes, juvenile investigations and robberies.”
      “Enslow is a forensic artist. She is responsible for interviewing witnesses and victims to create sketches of criminal suspects, composing age progressions (the aging of a suspect), constructing crime scene diagrams..”
      Article from: “Cal State LA” titled ‘ Alumnus’ artistry puts face on crime” http://www.calstatela.edu/univ/ppa/publicat/today/?season=spring&year=2010&page=2

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    4. A composite sketch is done with an eyewitness right after a crime. We have an excellent composite sketch and it would be impossible to get a new one because too much time has passed and memories blurred.. Nor can they do age progressions of composites. I don't think age progressions of missing kids are accurate, and for those they use photos of family members to try to see what the child would look like when older. Can't do that with a composite. We also don't have the resources to properly investigate the solid leads we have, and definitely can't handle a slough of calls from people about suspects for no reason other than that they look like an age progression which is probably not accurate, and for which we already have dozens of lookalikes. If your dream is going to come true, it will have to be in the realm of th symbolic.

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    5. Re :Your most important point:
      ” We also don't have the resources to properly investigate the solid leads we have”
      I have just learned the “Department of Justice” offers GRANTS
      “The Community Oriented Policing Services Office (COPS) offers grants to help law enforcement agencies to hire more community policing officers, to acquire new technologies and equipment, to hire civilians for administrative tasks, and to promote innovative approaches to solving crime.
      The COPS Office Response Center provides information on programs, grants, and application assistance for the Office of Community Oriented Policing Services. The COPS Office Response Center also assists COPS grantees with financial questions and grant-related inquiries about COPS.”
      http://www.justice.gov/business/

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  18. sharon, is michaela's case gonna be aired in disappeared soon?

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    1. A TV show that airs documentaries about missing persons.

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    2. Well I kind of figured that, but I don't know what network it is on, or who produces it, or any of that.

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  19. 80 Missing Person clips from the Disappeared series avail. at this Discovery T.V. link... after ANNOYING 15 sec. commercial

    http://investigation.discovery.com/tv-shows/disappeared

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  20. Hi Sharon,

    I'm so sorry to bother you, but I recently saw something posted on your Facebook page for Michaela that has me wondering. An account titled "Philip E Anderson" posted something concerning a suspect that he believes took Michaela. It links it to a suspicious looking blog that, to me, looks a little exaggerated, but I was wondering if this is info we should be paying attention to or if this is info we should just discard. Thank you and, again, sorry about contacting you over this. I just wanted to make sure false rumors were put to rest if necessary.

    KimP

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    1. Kim, I forward all the leads I get to the investigators, because you never know when something that sounds nutty might fit into their puzzle pieces. This particular guy has sent me a million messages in every medium possible, but my gut instinct is that this has nothing to do with Michaela's case.

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  21. JUST IN! Kidnapper Ariel Castro found dead in cell

    http://ktla.com/2013/09/03/cleveland-kidnapper-ariel-castro-found-dead-in-jail-cell/

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  22. Hi Sharon,

    I wish I had a tip or a miraculous dream to share with you, but all I have is warm wishes. Wishes that Michaela's case will be solved.

    Cindy

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  23. Has It ever occurred to you that Michaela's case is not related to none of the cases such as Ilene Misheloff, Amber Swartz, and Nikki Campbell?

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    1. Of course it has! We have never particularly linked Michaela's case to any other case, although we always hope that if there is a break in one case that it will help another family find their missing child as well.

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    2. The Charley project has a lot of info on Michaela.

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    3. Unfortunately they have a lot of misinformation on Michaela. People just pick up on things that pass through the media, which are often inaccurate. I can guarantee you that most of what is actually known about Michaela's case is not on any website anywhere, and that's kind of how it needs to be if we want to solve it.

      Delete
    4. Sharon, that is great news: that more is known than meets the eye online. I hope the police are getting closer to finding her.

      Cindy

      Delete
  24. Lovely song “ WHISPERING HOPE” –
    for you and your kind hearted thoughtful worldwide visitors.
    This YouTube song is “ by Hayley Westenra With Cornwall Male Voice choirs”
    With 269,182 likes someone here is bound to like it :)


    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zj3N9LE9FPs

    ReplyDelete
  25. Sharon, If there is ever any justice based on evidence in Michaela's case, you should fight for her body to be found, 45 % of missing persons the person(s) responsible has been charged, or confessed too, yet unfortunately no body :( for ex Micki West the person who killed her was sentenced to life in prison for her murder, yet she was never found, though they do have an idea where she is.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes I agree. To me, this is no resolution. Anybody can say anything, but unless you prove it to me I will not believe it. This is what happened in Amber Swartz's case. Some demented guy confessed to kidnapping her and killing her, but there was no body ever found. The police found it convenient and closed the case, but many of us still believe that the guy who confessed was lying to torment Amber's mom.

      Delete
    2. What I mean by confessed to is they have evidence, just not charged cause they died, or already in prison for life or death row.

      Glad you mentioned her, Did you see the recent video of Amber? http://www.ktvu.com/news/news/crime-law/mother-abducted-pinole-girl-marks-heartbreaking-mi/nZS2s/

      Delete
    3. I haven't seen the story, but I have talked to Kim, Amber's mom. Thanks.

      Delete
    4. I just wanted to say Your courage and strength are simply amazing. I am from N.S. Canada and saw this story and had to tell you, you are one of the strongest people to have gone through what you've gone through and be where you are. My prayers are with you and in the hope you get Michaela back.

      Delete
  26. Sharon,

    Your post from earlier today seems to have disappeared. Are you all right?

    -Julia

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, just have to calm down and rethink. I will address it later. Thanks.

      Delete
  27. “But groundless hope, like unconditional love, is the only kind worth having.”
    John Perry Barlow (born 1947);
    Essayist, Lyricist” Encouragement From Website http://www.values.com/inspirational-quotes/tag/quotes-about-hope?page=24


    ReplyDelete
  28. “IT MIGHT BE HOPE” YouTube song by Sara Groves
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KRlOLZ0H4ck

    Encouraging Lyrics http://www.saragroves.com/lyrics/tellmewhatyouknow/itmightbehope/



    ReplyDelete
  29. Your special October 2009 Blog request continues to be done
    “And pray. Pray that if Michaela is alive that she may be released not just from the human beings who have held her captive, but from the spiritual bondage which has been placed on her heart and her spirit. And pray that those people who hold in their hands the key to solving this case, to finding Michaela, will be motivated to give it up, that they may be released from this burden they have been carrying, from the spiritual bondage they have been living under. Pray for freedom!

    And again, whoever you are, I just thank you for coming here to this website, to this blog, for reading my words about my daughter, for keeping her alive in your heart, for caring, for loving her.

    God bless.
    Posted by Sharon Murch” “The Search for Michaela in 2009”

    ReplyDelete
  30. It's been 2 months since you've posted anything new. Hope you're ok.

    ReplyDelete
  31. One day technology will advance to a point that these animals who take children wont be able to hide. I just read in the NY Daily news of a cold case being solved from 1995 using new DNA technology where a vacuum extracted DNA from a rock that was used to kill a 17 year old girl.
    I still pray Michaela is found and saved from her captor. One day the missing puzzle piece will be located.

    ReplyDelete
  32. Sharon,
    I have a question concering the mail you got about Michaela being in the UAE, because English is not my first language. If the person says, "changed too much to remember" does that mean that people wouldnt recognize Michaela because she has changed so much or that Michaela herself would not remember anything about her childhood?

    Love,
    Tanja

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't know for sure Tanja, and English was not his first language either. I assumed he meant she had changed too much to remember herself, because as you said,the right word if we wouldn't know her would be recognize.

      Delete
  33. The Fountains Dubai Celine Dion Andrea Bocelli The Prayer
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vM59vw8KA_s

    ReplyDelete
  34. ? Re article “Did Dugard cadaver dogs locate other missing California children? “ (As a part Native I wonder when or if the public confirmation of ethnicity will be made ??)
    “ A bone fragment found earlier tested as human, but may be Native American.”..
    http://www.examiner.com/article/did-dugard-cadaver-dogs-locate-other-missing-california-children

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It was an Indian burial ground. The bones were very old.

      Delete
  35. ok :*( thanks >>NBC BAY AREA Wednesday, Sep 9, 2009 Bone Found Near Garrido's Home is Human: Police:Fragment turned over to the state for further tests”
    “Authorities say a bone fragment found at a home once cared for by kidnapping and rape suspect Phillip Garrido** came from a human**.”.. The bone fragment was analyzed by an outside expert. The sheriff's office is requesting the state to examine the bone to see if it can develop a DNA profile of it, according to Lee.” http://www.nbcbayarea.com/news/local/Bone-Found-Near-Garridos-Home-is-Human-Police-57870512.html

    ReplyDelete
  36. NATIVE YouTube Song posted by “flutiegurl”- Vocals in Cherokee: Charles Littleleaf
    “Trail of Tears / Amazing Grace by Native American Flutist, Charles Littleleaf”
    ( remembering your long years of trails of tears :*( (and others) and the Amazing Grace that helps keep everyone gently pushing forward)
    http://youtu.be/Pud0LJx3PlM

    ReplyDelete
  37. I’m wondering if the items found in the Speed Freakers well(s) have each been matched with their original owners yet? :*/ ` A msnbc 2012 article said ..” coats, shoes, a purse and jewelry” (were found in)
    “ a well on land in rural northern California, said Deputy Les Garcia”.


    If not EVERY family deserves to know!)


    \ http://www.nbcnews.com/id/46364526/ns/us_news-crime_and_courts/t/map-one-speed-freak-killers-steers-cops-human-bones/

    ReplyDelete
  38. COME HOME - Song for missing people 2011
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OyqL1KTFNPc

    ReplyDelete
  39. This NBC article titled “Video shows Nancy Garrido luring girl into *van*”
    stated “-In a separate interrogation video,Nancy Garrido told a detective she made 10 to 20 of these videos for her husband.”
    ? I’m Wondering if Garrido’s VAN, if sold b4 their arrest, was tracked down and tested for DNA?
    & if both GARRIDO’S have had their PALM PRINTS compared to the one from Scooter?
    http://www.nbcnews.com/id/43993012/ns/us_news-crime_and_courts/t/video-shows-nancy-garrido-luring-girl-van/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I heard the Garrido’s both passed a polygraph test re Michaela’s kidnapping however In 1979 the x-cop/polygraph expert Doug Williams wrote a book on how to *always pass* a lie detector test. The book has been revised/updated 50 times since. Mr Williams extensive t.v (Fox,CNN, Nightly news, NBC dateline etc. and radio interviews were known by many. http://www.polygraph.com/the-crusader

      Delete
    2. Garrido is said to be 6’4” in height !
      http://www.bing.com/images/search?q=PHILLIP+GARRIDO&qpvt=PHILLIP+GARRIDO&FORM=IGRE#view=detail&id=3BEA2B5E0DCA4E4699BC14CBC9366E03A89872CD&selectedIndex=147

      YET in this news article Garrido’s brother said “It was at the federal prison in Leavenworth, Kan., that Phillip Garrido met his wife, the visiting niece of another prisoner.The couple communicated through letters and then married in a ceremony held behind prison walls, Ron Garrido said.”
      http://www.sfgate.com/bayarea/article/Kidnap-suspect-had-criminal-past-brother-says-3288260.php#photo-2363217
      In 1988 Garrido was released from serving 11 years in prison. Could other close prison friendships have been forged with Garrido, in the segregated offenders unit, that spilled over to doing outside crimes together ?

      Delete
    3. You keep hanging onto Garrido because you only hear what the media carries. We have far better leads than this.

      Delete
    4. I actually have been recently “hanging onto Garrido” because of a visual impression I had when Michaela first went missing. I have been trying to find where I posted about it here over a year ago with no success. It had to do with a cement pipe and park like setting. Only recently did I find the below picture that completely resonated with the haunting impression. Prior to seeing this I had completely disregarded the Garrido’s as potential suspects. I ‘m relieved to hear there are better leads! I will not mention them again. Best to you.
      http://www.bing.com/images/search?q=nancy+garrido&qpvt=nancy+garrido&FORM=IGRE#view=detail&id=AA66ADE315CB77C9C9220BF2E38AACBFC76F05DB&selectedIndex=434

      Delete
    5. Well, I'm not sure I'd say that looked like a park like setting. Those cement pipes are actually used as play equipment in playgrounds. But the garridos have been investigated fully and extensively. I'll keep an eye out foe cement pipes in other locations I know are under suspicion though. Thanks.

      Delete
    6. You are welcome . It was so heartwarming to see the news yesterday that Pinole Police after 4 years have reopened Amber Swartz case! It is such a comfort that both 1988 cases are being pursued. http://www.sfgate.com/crime/article/Pinole-reopens-probe-of-girl-s-1988-disappearance-4862438.php

      Delete
    7. In reference to the Garridos passing polygraph tests or those likes of murderers, rapists, and kidnappers passing polygraph tests, sociopaths can pass polygraph tests - with not help. Not from a book, or advice, or anything. They simply do not feel. And the large majority of people who commit crimes like these, are sociopaths. How do they do this? Sociopaths do not feel, they do not have empathy, and they can lie without blinking an eye. When those are not sociopaths lie, there are actual physical changes that occur in our body. Our heart rate can speed up, palms sweat, eyes can get twitchy - and a polygraph test picks up on this - no matter how hard you try to control it. We know we're lying. The central nervous system provides the polygraph tests with the responses necessary to determine lies from the truth. Sociopaths, however, do not have these responses because they do not have the ability to care that they are lying. Therefore, they don't show the same physical alerts that a polygraph test would pick up on. The Garridos are quite obviously sociopaths. Otherwise, they would not have been able to keep girls hidden away for years, and kill others. Lastly, all criminals are sociopaths, but not all sociopaths are criminals.

      Delete
    8. Your argument fails logically. If all criminals are sociopaths and lie detector tests don't work on sociopaths they would have given them up long ago. I do not, by the way, believe Nancy was a sociopath. I think she was a victim of Garrido who was brainwashed by him. But let's put it this way, extensive interviews were conducted, in which by the way there were many tears shed as they read my blogs to them. In addition, our police department literally tore down and demolished the little prison area at the garridos and thoroughly searched the house. You can safely let this one rest and just pray for the resources so that investigators can investigate the other leads as fully.

      Delete
    9. I watched this informative video “How It's Made Concrete pipes”
      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E6jlTxhL8bg & wondered if some of the park/pipe” visual impression” might indicate: THE JOB/ Line of work the terrible kidnapper worked in that might have even left the visible mud/cement residual on his car?
      If I remember correctly Ilene M went missing passing through a park—Amber S lived near a park-and a park was not too far from your house (?). Did his work play a key role in viewing victims ahead of time without being noticed? Such as a job with: Parks and Rec—School District— a utility district-- EBMUD storm and sewer water processing systems –National Park Service- or Independent Contractor companies- drinking water/irrigation/ pipe repair –Deliverer-Installer or repairer of metal, hard plastic, or cement “play ground equipment.” etc?

      Delete
    10. Just in> KTVU2 news -Saturday, Oct. 12, 2013 “State contractor sting leads to 75 arrests”!
      “The board announced Friday that its annual operation netted two registered sex offenders, two people with multiple felony records and three with open warrants for their arrest.”
      http://www.ktvu.com/news/news/crime-law/state-contractor-sting-leads-75-arrests/nbMhj

      Delete
  40. I read today the authorities are reopening the Amber Swartz case. I hope you'll be able to post an update on your family and Michaela again soon.

    ReplyDelete
  41. Sharon, have you read "Tear Soup"? It's a grief book that is laid out like a children's story, but it is really for adults. The imagery is fantastic and I felt really validated after reading it. http://www.amazon.com/Tear-Soup-Recipe-Healing-After/dp/0961519762

    I think that when you have such a significant loss in your life, other losses can bring you back to that place. I am so sorry for the loss of your dog. When our dog died, our other dog hid for days in a corner of the garage and was clearly depressed. It is amazing that dogs can feel and express grief, too.

    ReplyDelete
  42. To the person who asked me not to publish the comment, I could not access the page.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. SO SORRY! I can't quite figure FB out. Would it be alright to send the pic by my blackberry phone to your e-mail listed here? sharon.murch@gmail.com

      Delete
  43. You have been very silent lately, Sharon. I hope you are well. <3

    ReplyDelete
  44. “The Heritage Singers: "Someone is praying for you"
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DMVZ9jfDv50

    ReplyDelete
  45. Sharon I also hope that you're well. I check this page ever so often, wondering how you're doing and to see if there's been any news about Michaela. You once said that despite everything, you still manage to keep laughing. I hope you're having some laughs.

    Cindy

    ReplyDelete
  46. Christmas Tribute song-- “BELLA “-by Carlos Santana “http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oEetU5kxNwY

    ReplyDelete