Sunday, November 1, 2015

It's November once again.

Happy November 1st everybody. As months go, November could actually be one of my favorites, as the weather (finally) chills into autumn, a time for snuggling under blankets, warm drinks, soups and stews simmering on the stove. I love Thanksgiving. I have memories of watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade on TV as a child, waiting for Santa to arrive at the end of it. I don't know how I managed to be so much more enthralled with the parade on a black and white tube television than my own kids ever have been on their large color sets. Maybe because I didn't have computers and video games in the next room? And I'm not a great cook, but I love the day of long, slow cooking times and the wonderful smells. Holidays are honestly not quite what they used to be when the kids were younger. Now they have husbands, wives, and other families to run off to for holidays, not to mention the fact that a couple are living in other cities and states! 

This November there is some small chance that we will be welcoming a new member of the family. My youngest daughter is due to have a baby on December 4th, and is hoping against all advice that he will come a little early. And even if he doesn't actually arrive in November, there is so much excitement and preparation for his arrival. 

But for the last 27 years, November has been cast with a shadow it will never shake in our family, because it is the month when Michaela was kidnapped. So the big thing is not turkeys. It is yellow ribbons, hung at the time and place where she was taken so many years ago, the place where she spent her last moment of innocence and her first moment of terror, the place on the earth where the universe split and changed eternally, on November 19, 1988, at 10:15 a.m.

Most likely we will be there again this year, unless my grandson decides to arrive two weeks early. Or unless Michaela comes home before then. We will be there with our yellow ribbons, and our insufficient words, but with gratitude for all those who have continued to remember Michaela for all these many years, who have continued to hope and pray for her, and for us. We will be there with our grief, which would prefer to be wordless and sightless, prostrate on the floor somewhere, but which gets up and steps out just to let Michaela know that our love for her is unending, that it is more powerful than our grief. 

And it is, Michaela. Sometimes it seems as though the grief and darkness overpower the love and light. I can go through months at a time with those shadows blocking out all the good. But you just have to know, wherever you are, that you are a gift to me, as you were on the day you were born, as you were when you were that sweet toddler, that beautiful, kind child. I love you forever, Michaela, and there is not a single thing in the big wide world that could ever make me love you any less. I love you for always. And I like you forever, no matter what, just like the book says. If you are out there and alive, you are safe coming home, or contacting me. And if you are not alive, I think I am ready to hear that, to embrace the fact that you are safe, that you are happy and loved, and that I will see you again. Please. It's time.

I did an internet interview a couple of days ago, Michaela. Here is a link to it, just in case you have forgotten the sound of my voice. 


I love you forever, baby girl.
mom

For anybody interested in attending and tying a ribbon for Michaela, we meet at 10:00 a.m. on November 19th, at what was once Rainbow Market but is now Mexico Super, 32575 Mission Boulevard, Hayward, CA 94544. You may bring your own ribbons or remembrances if you wish, but we do provide the ribbons. 

6 comments:

  1. Dear Sharon,
    I'm sending Lots of Love, Hugs, and Prayers to you, Michaela, and all of your family. I'm still praying and believing for a miracle for Michaela to come home to you and your family.
    Michaela you are so loved by your precious Mom and family. Every time your Mom writes about you I can feel the strong love she has for you in the words she writes. I have never met you Michaela, but my heart has grown to love you so much since November 19, 1988 and through all of these years <3
    Love and Prayers always
    from Thelma Mandera

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  2. Dear Sharon,

    My heart aches for you. I always travel to home to SoCal a few times a year. Always in the fall during mid Oct. The last few years, I've thought of extended my time to attending the gathering to tie yellow ribbons. As time draws near the more I think about it. My heart breaks & I feel so horribly sad. I can't imagine how hard this is for you each passing year. I hope you and your family get answers soon.

    Love,
    Megan

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    1. Thanks, Megan, although I always caution people about not going out of their way for this. I always feel as though I should be entertaining the people who come somehow, but I am pretty incapable of that. It is a small, short gathering. If you are passing through the area, you can always stop and tie a yellow ribbon anytime. You do know, though, that we are not in southern California, right? We are in the San Francisco Bay Area.

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  3. Hi Sharon! I was listening to your interview with True Crime Factor. You mentioned that there is a suspect on the list with detectives whose name has not been released to the media.

    Just last week the name of a suspect was released in the Jacob Wetterling case. Taking this step has really ignited a fire under the case again and they're getting lots of specific calls about the suspect (Danny Heinrich). I think this was a great decision for them to finally release a name and more info.

    I'm sure you've already heard about this, but it could really benefit the case to get this suspect name out in the public and see what tips could come in.

    Sending lots of positive thoughts your way.

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    1. It is true that media involvement always seems to light a fire under the police department to provide resources to the case. However, in Michaela's case of just the leads I know about, there are about five where you would hear them and say, "Oh that has got to be it," because they are so compelling and convincing. At this point the suspect is just a suspect. As you heard in the interview, Adam asked about a couple of major suspects in Michaela's case and could have mentioned a few more that are pretty well known. If ever any of them reach the point of being arrested, it will probably be in the news, but it hasn't reached that point yet. I don't think it is a good idea to publicize names of suspects without solid evidence. There is one suspect who successfully sued a police department in another case for naming him as a suspect. And it is also a fact that some parts of the investigation are best conducted out of the public view, in order to not compromise the investigation. That is how I feel right now. Thanks.

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  4. Just want you to know, that I still believe in solution and for her to be found. I still pray for her to be safe somewhere, whether in a good care of a good person, or... with God.

    You have said that according to the leads Michaela could be in Mexico or the UAE. I wish that the police would internationally co-operate, with every intention to bring Michaela home safe and hopefully alive. I also hope that the police would identify the man who kidnapped her, because if there is someone who has the answer, it is him.

    But lately I have also been wondering, that what if she is much closer to her home than everyone have thought because North America is big enough to kidnap children without anyone seeing it and hide them away. And keep them hidden away, because there are kidnapping cases from decades ago. It is possible, isn't it?

    November is always kind of foggy month for me. Here we don't get much sun in November. It is a dark and mystic time of the year. And a little creepy too. Don't know why.

    I still have that ribbon I tied to the apple tree last year. And I think all the ribbons tied for her to "that tree" remind that the hope never fades, not totally.

    And when Michaela is found, I think that after what she has been through, the last thing she would need is a huge media circus around her. If she's had a priority since her kidnapping, it would surely be getting back to her loving family.

    Emilia

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