A long time ago I when I started this website, it was known as the Wondering Heart blog, and I used it to post about anything and everything that crossed my mind, including Michaela. I started writing letters to Michaela in my blog, and soon after changed the name to Dear Michaela. Since then I have felt constrained to write pretty much only about Michaela here, and have spread my other wanderings and wonderings far and wide.
This has become kind of difficult for me, and as you have probably noticed, I haven't posted as much on this page recently. There hasn't been a lot going on in Michaela's case -- that I know of, anyway, since the investigators that are currently on the case don't communicate with me like our last investigator did. This could mean that they go by the book, and don't discuss the investigations with the people involved, and I have a feeling that would be the case if there was something going on. But I have a feeling it is more likely that they just aren't investigating. And while it might seem that I should be able to do something about that, it has not been my experience that I can. But anyway, there is not much to discuss regarding the case. There have been a few things going on behind the scenes with volunteers, and if it ever yields results you will hear about it, but until then it's better left under wraps.
I have also been heavily distracted by my own battle with breast cancer. Just last week I finished my last radiation treatment, and I'm currently sitting here nursing some wicked burns. Now five years of hormone therapy and hopes and prayers that the cancer will stay gone. It was at a very advanced stage when they caught it (and yes, I'd had my mammograms on time, and did catch it through a mammogram), and I have made several friends over the last few months whose initial diagnosis had been a far earlier stage whose cancer had returned as Stage IV. One of these friends, who became my "chemo buddy," died while I was still in treatment. So this is a worry for me, a kind of weight on my shoulders. I am working on changing my attitude from worry to being pro-active and focusing on healthy living. I'm hoping this becomes a little less of a challenge as I move out of the active treatment phase and start to heal and gain strength.
Meanwhile, cancer has kind of decimated the family finances. My disability insurance ran out before I finished treatment, and I guess I was lucky enough to be old enough to "retire." That doesn't pay enough to keep up with expenses, though, so I have been trying to earn a little extra money on the side. I have become a dōTERRA Wellness Advocate (essential oils and other health products), and also, shockingly enough, I make available medical marijuana through an online website, as well as medical verifications for California residents. And I hope one day to be able to make money through my writing. What else may lay in store I'm not certain, as I have another major surgery ahead of me early next year, but for the moment I am trying a little bit of commercialism, because it is what fits in best with my life and my abilities at the moment.
So what I have done is I have taken all these various things, including Michaela, and have combined them under one umbrella. When I was contemplating this move, I was looking for a name, a "brand." I had a friend who had several businesses, including essential oils, under the umbrella of Sanctuary. I just fell in love with this. It made me feel so safe. As I was searching for my own "brand," someone suggested I think about my identity, my life path, and that one became easy. I am a seeker. I have always been a seeker, seeking God, faith, answers, questions, and of course life has had the final word in this by giving me the seemingly endless task of seeking my missing child. Almost three decades now it has been. This year will be the 29 year anniversary.
So I have created a new website, SeekersRoad.com, in which you will find (eventually) all of the above, and more. I say eventually because I only actually opened the website yesterday, with just the basics and one blog post, about Michaela. I find already that this is a positive venue for writing about Michaela. Just about everything I have to say I have said here, in this blog, and most of the things I have said numerous times, so now I have a brand new canvas on which to paint some of the same pictures, only in a new light. I hope that most of you will follow my posts over to Seeker's Road, so you may get to read the same things again, but I am hoping also to expand my readership in this new venue. Meanwhile, there is a link to Dear Michaela in the menu on the new website, and I will put a link to Seeker's Road in the menu for this website, so the two will be linked.
I may still use Dear Michaela from time to time, but I will absolutely be using Seeker's Road regularly. All the blog posts are categorized, so you can just seek out all the posts about Michaela if you don't want to read about everything else.
Michaela, I hope you will follow also, if you are there. One of the things I have tried to do with this blog is to give you a sense of your family. Going to do this one more time here, with the photo above, of our family at Libby's wedding. We have a very interesting family, I have to tell you, but for some reason they don't seem to like all their personal business spread over the internet, and I have to respect their privacy. So there is not much to tell about them in blogs, except that they are some pretty awesome people you would love to know better. In the new website, perhaps you will get a chance to know me a little better as well.
And remember always, Michaela, I love you no matter what has happened, and I will do everything I can to protect you if you are out there and you would like to come home. I know it may seem like an empty promise, having been so completely unable to help you in the past, but you have my promise.
I love you forever, baby girl.
p.s. The new website can be found at www.SeekersRoad.com. See you there.