Tuesday, November 7, 2017

November



November is flying by! Already the baby shower for my son and daughter-in-law is upon me, and trip number one by my daughter and her husband from Oregon! How will I ever get the house clean in time, and is it even possible to wrap this box? Then at the end of November is not only Thanksgiving, but the same weekend is my grandson’s second birthday. I have no idea still what Thanksgiving will look like this year. It’s one of the sad things in life that kids grow up, partner off, and suddenly they are part of other families for the holidays. I will admit, I have never been a big holiday person, and I am definitely not the best cook in the world, so I can understand this. But for some reason it still gives me a twinge of teariness. Then Theo’s birthday will be a lot of work, but a large part of that work is not mine. Probably I will spend more time watching my grandson while his parents do the work and spend the money. This is the good part, guys!
In between those things is That Day. November 19th, the day Michaela was kidnapped. It is on a Sunday this year. I haven’t been to church for a few weeks now, so I guess it won’t matter that I miss it that day to go to the market to hang ribbons on the tree for Michaela. Last year I “cancelled” the anniversary. (continued at Seekers Road)

5 comments:

  1. Sharon, I am glad that you have a lot going on this month as it will keep your mind occupied. I know you will still feel the pain of losing Michaela but at least you will be with people you love. I believe all the activity will make it a little easier for you. I know how you must dread the month of November.

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  2. Dear, Sharon
    May this November bring your child back into your live. Hello Sharon I wish I could join you for the 29th anniversary of Michaela’s kidnapping.I will be with you guys by spirit. I know how tough it is for you especially, because Thanksgiving and all the family gatherings without your first born child.So glad to hear that dispite your busy November schedule you will go to the kidnapping site of Michaela. Michaela you are a really special girl and have a special place in your mother’s heart.
    Sincerely,
    Zahra

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  3. I wish I could attend the anniversary but I cannot. I live too far away. I will be thinking of Michaela on November 19th as I have for many years.

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  4. Sharon, No one can possibly fully feel how sad you feel for Michaela. But others like myself know what heartbreak is. I am the mother of two grown children. a boy and a girl. my daughter was born the same year as Michaela 1979. She has 4 lovely children which are or were my heart. I had always been very close with my daughter but I could see little by little that she was pulling away from her brother and I. (I am divorced) She knows how very special the kids are to me. They were my whole life. A couple years ago she started not answering my call or texts etc. I drove to her house a few times (she lived an hour away) to see the kids. she let me in but was very cold. I have no idea why and she would never say. I treated the kids like gold and she knew it. I noticed she starting changing after she got married. I know her husband has a lot to do with it. Well to make a long story short, little by little things got worse until I finally gave up. I would send the kids cards, letters and gifts but never heard a word back. So I just stopped sending stuff. I found out a month ago that she picked up and moved to North Carolina. I live in Md. She never told me or her brother. Her daughter, my granddaughter will be 16 on Nov 25. I had planned on getting a necklace for her with the diamonds from my wedding band. Now I cannot because I have no idea what her address is. I just don't understand. I know the kids have asked about me because we all were so close. They loved me so much and may daughter knows it. She commented once that she thought they loved me more than her. Anyway my point here is I know how you feel when you are missing Michaela. I haven't seen my babies in 4 years. Missed out on so many things. Now that they have moved I may never see them. I know having a kidnapped child is much worse and can't compare but heartache is the same no matter what the circumstance. Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. I am sad everyday and feel I don't have much to live for. Nancy

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    1. Nancy, my heart truly goes out to you. I can feel your pain. I even know bits of it as my kids have grown up and moved away, have married and have melted into new families, and are just not here for all the holidays, and other days. When my first granddaughter was born, I left the hospital sobbing. I am sure people thought someone had died rather than someone just having been born, but I was just broken hearted because she lived so far away I knew I wouldn't be able to be part of her everyday life like I longed to be. I know these are not as extreme as what you experience, but I think every mother who has ever lived has felt at least a twinge of what you live with, and understands the devastation you feel. I have been reading a book, and I wonder if you would try an experiment, and let me know if it changes anything, and that is rather than focusing on the grief of your separation, allow yourself to feel them as present and feel the joy of their presence. I know it sounds hard, and maybe dumb, but it can't hurt.

      I do have to say, though, that it is nothing at all like what I experience with Michaela. My primary grief is NOT that I miss her. It is that my daughter suffered unimaginable things, and there was nothing I could do to save her. It is that she might have spent her entire lifetime in suffering, might still be suffering today. It is nothing at all like missing your children or grandchildren.

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