Monday, March 23, 2015

Song for Michaela

Garth Brooks has done it again. First there was "The Dance," which has always spoken my feelings about having had Michaela for a short time, and now this one. I could just hear Michaela having this conversation with God before she was born, always felt that she came into this life with some reluctance. I am just so very very sorry, Michaela, that I was not able to fulfill that promise to keep you safe.

Oh my heart hurts, Michaela. I longed so much for you before you were born, and have loved you so much every day since then. Sorry, but the words just fail me. All I have is tears.

Love you forever, baby girl,

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Farther along, we will understand why....

Love you, Michaela, wherever you are.

Monday, March 9, 2015

In the news

Just wanted to let my readers know that you may see Michaela mentioned in connection with a story being released today. A lawsuit has been filed on behalf of some of the victims of the Wesley Shermantine and Loren Herzog (the Speedfreak Killers) against the investigating sheriff's department. The basis of the lawsuit is what is apparently gross incompetence in the investigation ... incompetence so gross in fact that it rises to the level of actual obstruction of justice.

Michaela's involvement in this is that there was apparently a Mary Jane type shoe recovered as part of the evidence in the case, and since Michaela was wearing Mary Jane type shoes at the time she was kidnapped, Hayward PD attempted to gain access to them so that they could photograph them to show me. They were completely stonewalled by the sheriff's department and were never able to gain access to the evidence.

In hearing the details of this information from the retired FBI agent working with the families there, I could not imagine what possible motivation could lie behind what has gone on with the investigation there. Of course, you might remember that after the sheriff's department displayed incompetence with digging up wells that were said to be burial sites, the FBI took it over ... and then we heard nothing at all about it.

I know a lot of people were convinced that Michaela was a victim of the Speedfreak Killers, and Loren Herzog in particular. I remain unconvinced myself, but honestly this case put me through the deepest levels of hell a couple of years ago, when I spent three months of torture waiting for the identification to be done on a bone fragment that was thought to be Michaela's. So I am not anxious to reopen this even in my head. It is my hope that somehow, someone who really cares about solving the cases affected takes control, and gets to the bottom of things. But until they find something that connects Michaela to this case, I'm keeping it on a way-back burner. For those who believe Shermantine said that Herzog kidnapped Michaela, he did NOT say that. He merely said that Herzog looked like our composite, which he does, along with a whole lot of other people.

But I just wanted to let you know what is going on.

Thanks for caring. 

Tuesday, March 3, 2015

Michaela's prayer needs

Created by Thelma Mandera for the anniversary
of Michaela's kidnapping.
I got a message on Facebook today from someone who said that she had looked for information about Michaela so that she could know how to pray for her. I was going to share with her my prayer for Michaela, when it occurred to me that perhaps I could just share it with everyone, that this prayer might become a thunder in the heavens on Michaela's behalf.

Every day I pray that God would wrap His arms around Michaela, wherever she is, let her feel His love, and remind her of who she is in Him. (She knew him and loved the Lord well before she was kidnapped, but who knows what the last 26 years might have done to her faith. I want her to be able to drawn on that faith and strength.)

Then I pray that God would remind her of me, remind her of my love for her which cannot end and cannot be damaged, tell her that I am still here with my heart and my arms open, longing for her to return.

I pray that in these things she might find strength to endure, strength to escape.

At this time, I have given information about Michaela to an organization that works to help international human trafficking victims. You know, generally I think this work is the other way around ... they are pointed to the victims and they help rescue them.  Finding a little blue-eyed needle in the haystack that is the world, or even a single country, is something that would require purely divine intervention, so please pray for that!

And should any of you kind people who have sent information before be willing to follow up with something more specific that I can give to those who may be willing to get in there and do something, I would be forever, forever grateful.

Finally, Michaela, if ever you come across this blog and read my words, know my daughter that you are never far from my heart. Remember who you are. You are strong, you are loved. Whatever you need to do, you can do it.

Love you forever, baby girl.

Sunday, February 22, 2015


I would have lost heart, unless I had believed
that I would see the goodness of the Lord
in the land of the living.

Psalm 27:13

Sunday, February 15, 2015

Michaela's Rainbow

Michaela was very fond of drawing rainbows. As you may know, I have discovered in the last couple of months that I can get tattoos. I'd always wanted them but for some reason thought I was too "old." I have a couple now, but this drawing will be the inspiration for my next one, scheduled for late March. I actually had to post this picture on the blog so I could upload it and send it to my tattoo artist, but I hope you enjoy it anyway, as an example of Michaela's bright spirit.

Monday, February 9, 2015

Can't renew domain name! Help!

p.s. 2/10/15. Just want to let everybody know that thanks to the very kind help of some very nice and well connected people, the domain name has been renewed and is safe for another year! THANK YOU ALL SO VERY MUCH!

Dear Friends,

Years ago I purchased the domain name through blogger, which is owned by google. Since then google has been through multiple changes and it has now become impossible for me to pay for my domain name renewal through google, and I cannot find any way in the wide world to actually contact a living person there to help with this!!! I apparently cannot log in to the admin console with my usual google log-in, and the one they suggested as an alternative has been permanently deleted and cannot be recovered.

So should this domain name disappear one day in the future, this is why. You will be able to access it through the original web address, which is  Don't forget the "the" or you will not end up in the right place.

I will  post updates, if need on Michaela's facebook page at

Thank you so much for loving and caring for Michaela for all this time.

Michaela's mom